Why men don't cry and women get jealous

Men and women have always been at each other's necks for time immemorial. What is it that makes us so complicated? Why don't men cry? Why do women get jealous? The answers have a psychological side to it..

The male-female war

It's a common question. Why men don't cry? The question goes into the same category of questions like; Why women get jealous? Why men can't commit? Why women can't stop talking? Oh well, we have our differences and it's the psychology one has to delve into to realize some very interesting facts about men and women. In reality, we are very simple people with very complicated emotions. And hence, we've been at each others necks forever.

Men and women have a set of emotions they are "expected" to deliver. Women are weepy, emotional, sentimental and cry all the time. Men are intense, angry, stubborn, possesive and moody. A nagging woman is quite common but a man drowning his sorrows in tears.. a rarity. There is a copious amount of male ego involved here. Psycholgists say that "Emotions live in the background of a man's life and the foreground of a woman's". Food for thought? It has always been said that women are more in touch with their emotions and that actually is true.

However, that does not mean that men aren't capable of expressing. In fact, in a study of married couples, husbands proved to as tuned to their spouse's stress levels and were also capable of offering support. Psychologist, Kiran Nair says that the connection between the left brain and the right is much greater in women. "The left brain holds logic and the right holds all your emotions. Women are capable of shifting between the 2 sides. Men aren't so much," says Kiran. An interesting insight into the never ending battle between men and women, is Khushwant Singh's Women, Sex, Love and Lust.

If you're looking for a debate on love, lust, women and the many nuances of the very same then this is a book you will love reading. Throw in a generous amount of K Singh's humour and wit and you get a book that's worth picking up. Singh skillfully analyzes the fine dividing line between obscenity, pornography and erotica, describing sex from Chaturbhani and his ideas on what the composite Indian woman is. Another book is, Men are from mars and Women are from Venus. The book gives us some insights about the do's and don'ts in a relationship. In general, men and women have their ideas about a relationship quite mixed up. It's not about sacrifice. But rather, it's about understanding. "You never listen to me"... "You never spend time with me" are women's favourite dialogues and "I don't want to talk about it"... "can we change the topic?" are among a men's favourites.

Our best advice, accept them as they are. We all have our quirks, but you don't give up on someone you love. (As mushy as that sounds, its true)

Is your jealousy ruining it for you?

Having good friends can be one of the best things in life. Friends accept us just the way we are and we can tell them things about our life that we cannot share with our family.

They are there through our joys and sorrows and offer us support. But sometimes jealousy can creep into the friendship knowingly or unknowingly and can change the whole equation. And it need not be your friend who's jealous, it could be you too!

Jealousy is an emotion that is not restricted only to romantic relationships. When we are friends with someone, almost all the time there is a mutual sharing of feelings and emotional dependency. When the friendship is in the process of being built or when the dependency in the friendship increases, insecurity can develop. For example, we could be jealous of our friend's job or promotion, or jealous of another friend who we think could threaten our friendship.

How to beat it

The first step is admitting that one is jealous. Secondly, one must make a resolve to overcome the jealousy and not let it affect the friendship. Here are some tips.

- Doing a self-analysis is important in order to understand the reasons why one is jealous, from where and why are these feelings of jealousy are coming from?

- Lack of confidence can lead to insecurity about losing the friendship. Speaking about your feelings is a great way to let it out of your system. And for all you know, even your friend may have the same feelings.

- Turn your feelings of jealousy into motivation. If you are jealous that your friend has lost a lot of weight and looks better than you, motivate yourself to lose weight and look better for yourself and not just to compete with him or her.

A jealous friend?

You genuinely like your friend but sometimes you can't help but notice that he or she is jealous of you. Be prepared to deal with nasty comments, possessive behaviour and manipulation but at the same time remember not to be harsh because he or she is your friend after all. Here's some advice to deal with the downside of a jealous friend:

- He/she might be insecure about losing your friendship and thus, is envious of your other friends. Do not give into emotional blackmail.

- Most of the jealousy stems from insecurity. Therefore, compliment your friend on his or her strengths and help them with their weakness. Motivate them to do better in life.

- If your friend's jealous behaviour is steadily increasing to the point that you are distressed, you need to have a straight chat with him or her. Tell him/her how their constant criticism, snide remarks are hurting you. And how you are willing to forgive them because you cherish them but you won't keep quiet for long and want to resolve the situation.