Build a strong friendship with your daughter

A daughter's relationship with her father is usually her first male-female relationship. Here are a few tips to build a strong friendship.

The first rule is to be a friend: Treat her like your friend by sharing thoughts and asking for her opinion.

Treat your daughter as an equal: Do not hold on to the idea that she knows nothing. Children these days have become more sensible and know what they are doing.

Be a mediator : If your daughter is facing problems with your wife, be present as a mediator between the two females. Male intervention helps resolve the issue and calm both people down.

Learn to communicate: If you are one of those who cannot really communicate or emote well, then maybe you should start by doing small things like helping her with her studies or maybe once in a while give her a treat or take her shopping.

Trust her: When daughters are in their teens, fathers usually tend to get over protective about their little girls. This behaviour more often than not, tends to push the girls away from their fathers. Remember not to be too suspicious about your daughter's whereabouts.

Let her be independent: They are no longer babies. Let her learn from her own mistakes. Having a healthy discussion about such mistakes will make them feel you are interested in their lives and do not want them to do what you want. Avoid preaching.
Love her unconditionally: She is your daughter. Love her unconditionally even if she makes mistakes or she is not the ideal daughter. Your support will lead her toward making the right choices on her own.

Accept her friends: Accepting your daughter's social circle can be a little difficult sometimes. The kind of company she keeps might come as an unpleasant surprise to most fathers.

Be patient: Hormones are running wild and so will tempers. She will always be the first to raise her voice and you need to keep your own temper in check. When she sees that you do not react angrily, she will herself calm down in front of you.

Spend time together: Time is the greatest bonding element. Try doing what they like the most and see the difference. They will love you the way you are, too.

How to deal with a bad boss

Bad bosses are unavoidable. You can bet on your right sock that you'll meet one one day. And here's how you can handle one...

Handling a bad boss is never really easy. Heard of "between the rock and a hard place"? Yeah this situation fits that description to a T. Bosses can be downright rude, arrogant, silly and extremely unreasonable. No, we aren't saying that there aren't good bosses in the world. We're just saying the good ones never come around. Now, dealing with a bad boss is a tricky thing. The situation can vary from the boss giving you a pink slip to you sinking into depression from all that your boss makes you do. Here's 5 ways on how to handle the demon. It's easier said than done we agree. But trying never killed anybody, did it?

1. When your boss makes promises, threats or even unreasonable arguments make sure you get in writing. The easiest way is to do things over mail or chat. That way all your conversations are recorded and in the case of a confrontation, you can always be the dramatic one to scream out "I have proooofff!!!".

2. Identifying the crisis is very important for the both you. Just blindly shooting your mouth off won't give yu any solutions of peace of mind. Write it down first and then talk it out clearly. Come to a negotiation and be smart! Put everything out there and tell her, "Boss, we have a problem!"

3. Don't give the space or an oppurtunity to your boss for pin pointing your flaws. Make sure you do your bit well if you want to win this. Come on time, submit assignments on time and be polite. That way they can't point a finger at you.

4. Ask an ex-employee or a co-employee who has earned the wrath of his boss. Pick the brains of that employee and find out what ticks him, what pleases him, what massages his ego etc. Also, if this previous employee is no longer with the company, you'd know why.

5. There are different types of bosses by the way. Glory grabbers - the ones who take credit for your work. Then theres the weather wane- bosses who changes rules without notice. Then comes the helicopter - the boss who constantly keeps hovering overhead and interrupts all of your work. And sometimes points it out too. And lastly, there's the secret agent- the mysterious person who's missing in action and communicates in quite a lousy way. We have very simple advice for you - Organize what you want to say, present it in a thoughtful manner and don't respond in anger, which only hurts you.

Nights out are a teeny problem

You were best friends and confidantes through school, but now your child is a teenager.

Suddenly, life is filled with the cacophony of slamming doors, incessant whines, turbulent tantrums and accusations of, "But you don't understand!" Curfew negotiations have taken on the scale of international round-table conferences; and you've been reading up on how America and Russia averted nuclear war.

But it does not have to be this way. You can still be friends with your child through the turbulent years, and get him/her to come home on time. Most parents agree that they lay down the rules consistently and years in advance.

The magical element is communication and demonstration. Talking about the dangers of staying out late without chaperones or being out without safe transport helps the child understand the parents' point of view. To figure out how to do this, just take a leaf out of these parents' book.

We don't believe in the word 'curfew'. We think a teenager will rebel to the word itself, even before listening to the rules as it indicates restriction. We have told Anmol that he has a cut-off time and this has been modulated over time. Children like to be guided and if the concepts are introduced to them at the right time, it is easier for them to adhere to the rules and regulations of the house.

As a child, Anmol had to be home by 7 pm as we had dinner at 8 pm and in bed by 9.30 pm. This continued till he turned 15. There were exceptions, but these were made with prior consultations of both parents.

After 15, we let him stay out till 10 pm when he went out occasionally with friends for dinner or parties. Slowly the timing was stretched to 11 pm and then to 12 pm when he went to Class XII.

Now at 19, Anmol is in second year of college and does not have to be told about the cut-off time at all. He knows that he can stay out late but prefers not to.

A safety measure we take is that if he is going out of Navi Mumbai for a late night party, then he messages when he reaches and exits. Also we have told him to stay at a friend's place instead of coming back late at night. We also take the contact numbers of all his friends, which we've never had to use as he makes it a point to calls us at appropriate times.

We've taken him out with us at 2 pm and let him see that the roads are deserted and that unsocial elements are about at that time. So he knows why it is essential to be indoors at appropriate hours.

Sticky situation: When he first asked permission to attend a New Year's Eve party, he hadn't turned 18. So we kept talking casually about how crowded the parties outside would be and how travelling back would be a headache. Then we offered to host the party at home and leave them alone. So Anmol and his friends had the house to themselves and we had a great dinner! It took a little manipulation, but it was for a good cause!

My 17-year-old daughter Prachi has just entered college and I have taken efforts to develop honesty in her through the years. So far her curfews have been consistent. She has standing instructions that she must have dinner with the family. We are early eaters, so she is usually home before 6.30 pm.

I grew up in a joint family where teenagers weren't allowed outside after dark. The same rule applies to Prachi, but I haven't forced it on her. Even before she started college, we had a conversation about curfew timings and why they are needed. When I read newspaper stories about kidnappings and sexual abuse, I point them out to her to explain why we have these rules.

Parties and stay-overs are a part of growing up, so I encourage her to call her friends home, and usually talk to them. Nothing intimidating; just a two-minute chat so that I can gauge what kind of people they are. For an overnight trip, I also ask her to give me numbers of her friends' parents.

There's also a curfew on till when she can talk on the cell phone. I switch my phone off by 10 pm and expect her to do the same, although I give her an extra half hour.

If she crosses a deadline, I call to ask what the situation is. There are times when I've had to put my foot down and say "If you don't come home on your own, I will have to come and pick you up."

When they enter college life, there is a distinct shift in lifestyle, perception, friend circles, among other things. This is where you can lose control of your life, rebel or fall in place. I haven't thought about how rules will change as she grows, but the skeleton will remain.

Sticky situation: When she shifted into a new college earlier this year, she wanted to go on a trek with her new friends. I realised that if she has to be part of a new friend circle, this trip is important. I asked her to call her friends home, so I get to know them. It's funny, but this was diffiult because my wife was opposed to the idea, but I managed to convince her.

Deven is a teenager, but hasn't tasted college life yet. I still have a few rules to help our relationship once he decides to spread his wings. Communication trumps. For example: My son usually car pools with other friends to school. Once, he skipped the car pool and went to a cyber cafe to game. I have seen kids smoking outside that place, and the crowd that goes there isn't good either. Before entering the cafe, he called me and I asked him to come home immediately. He was really annoyed because he didn't know why I was angry.

When he came home, I first appreciated the fact that he informed me before going into the cafe. And then told him that he can invite his friends over because we have a PS3 and a computer at home. He understood.

He has regular sleepovers with kids within the building. I know all of them and trust that they don't do anything wrong.

I believe Deven should be exposed to all kinds of people, and be allowed to make mistakes. Children are really curious and knowledge has to be given properly. We have even talked about smoking, and have told him to come to us if he wants to smoke. The curfew that I really enforce is his sleeping time - 10.30 pm. I know that if he goes for a sleepover he won't sleep before 4 am, but that's something that can't be helped.

Sticky situation: Deven was invited to a sleepover once. The hosts wanted to party and wanted company for their children. This was just not acceptable, but Deven couldn't understand why I refused to let him go. I had to sit him down and explain that he should not be taken for granted.

Choosing between a job and passion

Making a choice between a regular job and passion is a no man's land many people are caught in. Tejas Suma Shyam highlights both the sides of the coin

Feeling scared to pursue an offbeat career that you're passionate about because your family may not approve of it? Don't worryit's not just you! As the rat race for survival in today's economically turbulent times gets tougher, a substantial number of people are caving in to parental and peer pressure to follow the beaten track and take up jobs that they are not primarily interested in.

All that glitters is gold
While for some it is the lure of a lucrative job that is too good to resist, many take up these jobs due to lack of options. "In the Indian context, stereotypes and gender roles also play a critical role in such career choices," says Prapti Iyengar, a counsellor. "The male is supposed to be a stable earning member in a family and he usually looks at established options that provide a secure job and good pay such as being an engineer or a doctor. In many cases, if the person doesn't have adequate family support, it becomes extremely difficult to break the stereotypes and pursue professions or interests which are not mainstream. Another common problem is that people may not know how to enter the profession of their choice due to lack of vocational guidance or sufficient exposure to test their abilities and gauge their chances of success. Hence, they ultimately land up compromising on their passion." Unsurprisingly, a lot of people who have compromised their passions in choosing such careers have ended up feeling frustrated in the long run.

Balancing act
However, nowadays an increasing number of people, especially the youth, are taking up careers which allow them to balance their passion with work. Be it by doing part-time work on weekends in their fields of interest or by finding time to pursue their passion after office hours, leading a more holistic life suddenly seems to have become the new mantra. Says Aishwarya Harish, a freelance market researcher and a trained Bharatanrityam dancer, "I have always believed that everyone has a capacity to balance various aspects of their lives if they so desire. When I took up my job, I wanted to explore my interests in different fields. But it gradually became difficult to balance my passion for dance with my work. Hence, I decided to freelance for the organisation instead of working full-time."

The industry, too, seems to have woken up to the fact that people need their space to pursue their passions. This view is echoed by Aishwarya as well. "Today, bosses are very supportive of your other interests. Teams are willing to adjust. Colleagues support and encourage each other to explore their creative streaks all the time. And while you still need to meet your deadlines and finish your work satisfactorily, many organisations give you the flexibility to manage your time so that you can pursue your passions. Ultimately, it is up to you to manage your time well. This, in turn requires a good deal of discipline and an organised approach."

Living your passion
Today, the career landscape has also undergone a sea change and offbeat careers have gained a much wider acceptance in the society. In fact, many such innovative careers have turned out to be huge successes. Consequently, the youth are no longer averse to exploring their interests as realistic, full-time career paths. Be it as an entrepreneur or in a job, this trend is catching on in a big way, especially among Gen-Next.

"Several opportunities exist - it's all about making the choices," says famous stand-up comedian and CEO of Entertainment Engineers, Nitin Gupta. "Follow your heart in terms of what you want to do and how you want those things done. I stumbled into stand-up comedy by chance and liked it. Hence, I decided to give it a shot. The advent of comedy shows on television created a much needed market for stand-up comedy by the time I graduated. Today, the market is growing and many more people are taking to English stand-up comedy. Personally, I'm really enjoying what I do as it gives me the liberty to do what I want." Ask him whether people should take the plunge to follow their passion and Nitin advises caution. "We tend to use the word 'passion' very loosely. Many people mistake their interest as passion, which can be very dangerous while making such career choices. If you really want to follow your passion, you need to put in that extra bit of hard work and dedication. Also, make sure that you get your priorities absolutely correct before making such choices," he concludes.

Why extreme exercises should be avoided

If you are battling too hard following an extreme exercise routine to get into shape, you need to rethink. While you might shed those extra kilos faster, pushing your body too far will have repurcussions.

Everyone wants to be in shape and many are rigorously into various levels of extreme fitness activities. But these are actually causing more harm than good to you, in your quest to lose weight. Says fitness expert, Jivesh Shetty, "People who want to shed weight soon or are enthusiastic about following an extreme exercise routine to stay fit and in form, should be cautious about the kinds of exercises they are opting for. For example, marathon running is said to cause cardiac problems."

Jumping with weights and dumbbells
In group classes, you are advised to do the plyometrics (a type of exercise designed to produce fast and powerful movements) with light weights. Hopping on step-up benches, lunges and other movements include holding dumbbells or light weights strapped on your ankles. Though jumping is good to burn calories, jumping with weights on might end up in a tissue or muscle rupture or a ligament tear.
"If you are enthusiastic about jumps, you should opt for the kettleball swing," says Althea Shah, fitness expert. Dumbbell and barbell movements can be done in a more specific resistance training programme, where each movement is monitored by an instructor.

Training on an empty stomach
If you believe training on an empty stomach in the morning will help you burn the calories you consumed last night, then you are wrong. Says Shah, "When you wake up in the morning, your glycogen levels are low in the body and though you tend to burn more calories, you don't realise that there is a high probability of your body deriving calories from your muscle tissue." Have a light meal before you start your workouts in the morning.

Stretching before a workout
Stretching is ideally done during or after a workout or as a separate individual exercise routine. Says Shetty, "A warm up is done basically to exercise your muscles before you start with your regular workout routine. This can be done on a treadmill for about 10 minutes and a few warm-up sets for the first few resistance exercises." Stretching a muscle before a workout may lead to ligament tear or painful muscle pull.

Know your limits
It's okay to push yourself when you are working out at the gym to lose weight, but when you tend to go overboard with your exercise routine, it is not good. Especially when you tend to push yourself beyond your limits, you are most likely to injure yourself.
But as fatigue starts to set in while you are pushing yourself more than required, your form starts to falter. Fitness experts are of the opinion that this causes overload to joints and soft-tissues and makes it susceptible to injuries.

Marathon running Running a marathon to shed extra kilos is a definite no-no. Says Shetty, "Marathon running can certainly help you burn more calories but at the cost of losing out on your muscle mass." If you are keen on running, make sure the session is no longer than 60 minutes, with regular water breaks in between. Make sure you have an energy booster before you start with your run. If you stretch longer than 60 minutes, you might end up with a muscle pull or a backache.
Make sure to practice with a trainer for at least 45 minutes every day to help build stamina and capacity before you go for the longer duration run.

Fad diets
"A detox diet is not recommended for weight loss. Losing weight too quickly can be dangerous at times. While fad diets may help you reduce the numbers on the scale, they can cause severe health complications and you might end up putting on more weight than before," says Shah. To lose weight in a healthy manner, plan your diet with your nutritionist so that you lose weight in the right way.

Pills and powders
"Pills and powders for weight loss are highly hazardous," says Shah. Diet pills are said to cause nutrient deficits, organ damage and increase cholesterol.
Dietary supplements in the form of pills and powders do not help rev up your metabolism. Eating a healthy breakfast increases your metabolic rate in the day and keeps your energy levels high. It helps you lose weight faster during the course of the day.