Rejuvenate greets you a HAPPY ONAM
"Rejuvenate" - Your online health and beauty magazine from Dr. Kurien's Effective Living Clinic
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Dog is no longer man's best friend!
Times of India, Melissa D'costa
With the advent of tablet PCs and digital newspapers, you don't even need your faithful dog to fetch your morning paper for you anymore.
According to the findings of a new UK study, around 67 per cent of the people polled believed that their PC or other gadget had replaced the dog as their faithful companion. Sheena Thomas, a working professional who is married to a software technician, claims the findings of the study mirror what's happening in her life, "My husband and I cannot have kids. Our pet dog Ginger became a replacement for that void in our lives. However, my husband's addiction to the internet changed that. He started neglecting us; he had no time to attend to our dog's needs or mine." So, is this the end of the road for man's original best friend?
"It definitely looks that way," says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany, adding, "Human beings have become slaves to technology and gadgets. Smart phones, laptops, XBoxes and Playstations are just some of the many gadgets that have become an integral part of their lives. Addiction to gadgets is on the rise; so much so that people feel incomplete or lost without them."
Even though it looks like the ever-faithful dog is taking a backseat, they still have a role to play in our lives and no gadget or gizmo can replace them believes Dr Hitesh Swali. The vet comes down heavily on the study, slamming it saying, "This poll ignores the fact that you simply can't compare an inanimate object to a pet. A computer and a dog can never be compared because you cannot receive love or affection from a gadget. You can't replace a pet with a gizmo. While I don't deny that some people are so pre-occupied with gadgets that they don't have time for a pet, that does not mean that people will stop keeping one or that they have been replaced by a gadget simply because they are two different entities that serve very different needs."
To forgive is to heal
If forgiveness is divine, as Alexander Pope once wrote it was, then it is an aspect of the religious that we are called on to imitate, as much for our own good as for that of others.
When we are wounded by someone's thoughtlessness, rejection or deliberate cruelty, we have two options before us: We can try to get even or pretend that we haven't been hurt. The other option is to forgive.
Newspaper Agony Aunt Abigail Van Buren of "Dear Abby" fame once asked women readers if any of them had forgiven an unfaithful husband and had since had a happy marriage. The response was overwhelming. One woman wrote: "What a grand and glorious thing it is to rise above the pain." Others admitted that it wasn't easy to forgive, but they consistently recommended "the rewards of forgiveness, the futility of harbouring a grudge" had made them do the unthinkable, that is, to forgive.
When we are wounded by someone's thoughtlessness, rejection or deliberate cruelty, we have two options before us: We can try to get even or pretend that we haven't been hurt. The other option is to forgive.
Newspaper Agony Aunt Abigail Van Buren of "Dear Abby" fame once asked women readers if any of them had forgiven an unfaithful husband and had since had a happy marriage. The response was overwhelming. One woman wrote: "What a grand and glorious thing it is to rise above the pain." Others admitted that it wasn't easy to forgive, but they consistently recommended "the rewards of forgiveness, the futility of harbouring a grudge" had made them do the unthinkable, that is, to forgive.
The most popular misconception about forgiveness is that when we forgive, we forget. Most of the time, we don't forget. The woman who forgives her husband's philandering is not asked to forget his weakness, but rather not to let the negative behaviour direct their lives and stand in the way of building emotional bridges.
Try forgiving a friend who betrays your confidence, or a co-worker who lies about you. When the real effort of forgiveness takes place, it's not easy at all; instinct urges us to pay back in kind. There is usually a pause between the anguish and the time when trust and love can take root again. Forgiveness is part of a process that begins with suffering and ends, as its final and long-range goal, with the event of reconciliation. It works only when we become aware of the depths and causes of the anger burning in us so that we can forgive wholeheartedly and ensure an enduring peace. A particularly helpful exercise in the process of forgiveness is to try to understand the one who is wounding us as a person, and not just as the cause of our pain.
Forgiveness should come from within, and not be a mere show of magnanimity; it should help the forgiver in all future dealings with the person who is forgiven.
A declaration of forgiveness may appear as naive, weak, utopian - sometimes even outrageous. Indeed, those were the sentiments of many members of theDexter Avenue Baptist Church of Montgomery, Alabama, USA. The parishioners had endured harassments, threats, beatings and even house bombings. They gathered in 1955 at Dexter for guidance from their pastor, the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. His message was simple: When Jesus said, "Love your enemy, he meant every word of it. We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity."
We cannot escape from this prison of birth and death until we have cleared our karmic account; Jesus said we should ask forgiveness of those we have wronged, while we are still living in this world.
Forgiveness depends on the situation and the people involved. In the end, all forgivers do the same thing: they restore self-worth to the offender, they cancel a debt; they experience such peace that they lose the urge to retaliate, and live as freer persons, unshackled by the weight of the suffering.
Are you eating too much sugar?
Fancy body piercing? Get your hygiene right
Aparajit Sinha, 21, pierced his eyebrows in the first year of college to look cool. But within two days he had to take the studs out because of extreme infection and severe pain.
Body piercing has come a long way - from earlobes and the nose traditionally to eyebrows, belly button, lips and tongues now. But it needs care in the initial days to avoid infections.
Many youngsters impulsively head for piercing without taking note of their skin type, proper sterilisation and post-piercing care information.
"Lack of hygiene, lack of proper sterilisation of the area and the gun are the common reasons why pierced areas catch infection. Also, there are some people whose skin is very sensitive and when they clean the pierced area with antiseptic, they get irritant eczema," Sachin Dhawan, clinical and aesthetic dermatology at Artemis Health Institute in Gurgaon, told IANS.
Dhawan gets around 10 percent queries for piercing complications.
Body piercing has come a long way - from earlobes and the nose traditionally to eyebrows, belly button, lips and tongues now. But it needs care in the initial days to avoid infections.
Many youngsters impulsively head for piercing without taking note of their skin type, proper sterilisation and post-piercing care information.
"Lack of hygiene, lack of proper sterilisation of the area and the gun are the common reasons why pierced areas catch infection. Also, there are some people whose skin is very sensitive and when they clean the pierced area with antiseptic, they get irritant eczema," Sachin Dhawan, clinical and aesthetic dermatology at Artemis Health Institute in Gurgaon, told IANS.
Dhawan gets around 10 percent queries for piercing complications.
While piercing the earlobes and eyebrows result in common complications, nose or naval infections can be fatal. Nose infection could result in swelling and pain for a few days at the pierced site, says Mumbai-based cosmetic surgeon Meenakshi Agarwal.
Also, studs and rings can get caught in clothes, which can aggravate the problem.
"There are times when a stud gets caught in clothes and pulls the skin, leaving one in extreme pain. So this unexpected rubbing too can lead to further complications," said Mumbai-based dermatologist Ashwini Padmawar.
Experts also suggest that one should avoid going to any random piercing shop and opt for experienced hands to avoid infections.
"A lot of ENT surgeons and plastic surgeons also do piercing, it is safer to get it done from them, as they understand the body system better," said Agarwal.
Sixteen-year-old Anamika Kalsi, who got her belly pierced without informing her parents and chose a cheaper place for piercing, realised this later.
She covered her stomach all the time and didn't take precautions to clean up the spot. End result - major infection and ultimately she had to pop antibiotics to control inflammation.
This often happens because body piercing at a local shop or a jewellery shop is cheap - it could be done within Rs.500, but at such places people are not hygiene-conscious. On the other hand, a medical expert's charges start from Rs.2,000 onwards, but he or she takes all the precautions. In case there is any complication, they are capable of taking care of the problem before it goes out of hand.
So, it is advisable that one should go to experts and in case it doesn't fit into your budget, just make sure the gun or the hands used for piercing are clean, as simple hygiene steps can keep an infection at bay.
"One should put an antibiotic ointment and gently wash the area once a day for at least 15 days after the piercing to prevent infection," said Padmawar.
"If infections happen, they can be treated with antibiotic tablets and ointments for five-seven days. If allergies happen they need to be treated with anti-allergic and steroid antibiotic ointments," he added.
Let your kids play freely: Experts
Overprotective parents who do not allow their children to play freely could be doing more harm than good to them, experts have warned.
Parents who restrict unstructured play can increase the risk of depression in their children, who may even develop suicidal tendencies.
Such parents - branded "hovering helicopters" by researchers - prevent their children from playing outside, where they might build dens, climb trees or explore the countryside, Daily Express reported.
Parents who restrict unstructured play can increase the risk of depression in their children, who may even develop suicidal tendencies.
Such parents - branded "hovering helicopters" by researchers - prevent their children from playing outside, where they might build dens, climb trees or explore the countryside, Daily Express reported.
The American Journal of Play asked a group of experts to investigate the near-extinction of free play and its effects on children and society.
They said that without free outdoor play, children are prone to obesity, poor physical health and are unable to develop social skills.
Peter Gray, professor of psychology at Boston College, said: "Over the last 50 years opportunities for children to play freely have declined dramatically in the United States and other developed nations.
"That decline continues, with serious negative consequences for children's physical, mental, and social development."
While calling for restoration of free play, Gray says there is a clear correlation between its decline and the rise of depression, suicide and narcissism among children.
He also recommends mixed-age play, stating it is also beneficial.
Older children were able to teach younger ones new skills, while also learning themselves, he says.
Chewing tobacco too joins ’banned foods’ list
Chewing tobacco, like gutka and paan masala, has been included among banned "food products" in the government's new food safety guidelines. The move has been welcomed by health activists as increasing incidence of oral cancer is being reported in the country, with the 2010 figure at more than 70,000.
Coming soon after the ban on the usage of plastic pouches to package chewing tobacco and pan masala, the Food Safety and Standards Authority of India (FSSAI) under the health ministry issued a notification prohibiting use of tobacco as an ingredient in any food product.
The food safety notification which was announced and enforced early August says: "Product not to contain any substance which may be injurious to health. Tobacco and nicotine shall not be used as ingredients in any food product."
Clearing the air about terming tobacco as a "food product", FSSAI director V.N. Gaur said that chewing tobacco, like gutka or paan masala, can be called a "food" because it is consumed like any other food product.
"It (tobacco product) is a food product. Anything that is consumed is called food and anything that is food and contains nicotine or tobacco must be banned," Gaur said.
That gutka and paan masala can be termed as food product was also affirmed by the Supreme Court. In the Ghodawat Paan Masala case, the apex court said: "Since paan masala, gutka or supari are eaten for taste and nourishment, they are all food within the meaning of Section 2(v) of the Act."
Coming soon after the ban on the usage of plastic pouches to package chewing tobacco and pan masala, the Food Safety and Standards Authority of India (FSSAI) under the health ministry issued a notification prohibiting use of tobacco as an ingredient in any food product.
The food safety notification which was announced and enforced early August says: "Product not to contain any substance which may be injurious to health. Tobacco and nicotine shall not be used as ingredients in any food product."
Clearing the air about terming tobacco as a "food product", FSSAI director V.N. Gaur said that chewing tobacco, like gutka or paan masala, can be called a "food" because it is consumed like any other food product.
"It (tobacco product) is a food product. Anything that is consumed is called food and anything that is food and contains nicotine or tobacco must be banned," Gaur said.
That gutka and paan masala can be termed as food product was also affirmed by the Supreme Court. In the Ghodawat Paan Masala case, the apex court said: "Since paan masala, gutka or supari are eaten for taste and nourishment, they are all food within the meaning of Section 2(v) of the Act."
Health Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad Friday informed parliament that 70,261 people were detected with cancer of mouth, tongue and hypopharynx in 2010 because of such products, also known as "smokeless tobacco products".
Quoting data from the Indian Council of Medical Research, Azad said the numbers of those affected have been rising - 66,129 in 2008 and 68,160 in 2009.
Welcoming the new notification, health activists said the guidelines will act as a deterrent to the "non-smoking tobacco industry".
"The current notification which defines tobacco as food and bans it is a welcome step. It's only logical that things like gutka or paan masala which can be chewed and digested like any other food item is termed as food," Bhavna Mukhopadhyay, executive director of the Voluntary Health Association of India (VHAI), told IANS.
This, she added, could deal a blow to the Rs.8,000 crore worth gutka industry in India.
Added Rajeev Sharma, a health activist who mobilises youth groups to campaign against smoking: "The notification is definitely a good step. But for it to really mean anything, the government should ensure a strong and effective implementation".
Mukhopadhyay said: "The notification, however, should have gone one step forward instead of just saying that tobacco should not be used as a food ingredient. It seems to wash its hands of the implementation bit...the government should put in place a mechanism by which it is implemented."
One way of implementing the directive better is better awareness, she said.
"There should be a public notice about this notification. How many people know that the government has announced something like this? Secondly, the government should write to the gutka industries about this notification and tell them that they cannot add nicotine to any food product," Mukhopadhyay said.
Mentioning an example of ineffective implementation of rules, she said that despite the Supreme Court's order banning the sale of chewing tobacco and other paan masala products in plastic packets, it is openly being done so.
The order came into force March 1, 2011.
The president of Smokeless Tobacco Federation (India), Sri Gopal, said that the industry suffered a loss of 40 percent after the ban on plastic packages came into effect.
"Paper packaging of tobacco products has cost us a fall of 40 percent in business," Gopal said.
He, however, refused to acknowledge the latest notification by the FSSAI.
"The tobacco product industry is not governed by the Prevention of Food Adulteration (PFA) or the FSSAI," he said, thereby putting a question mark on if the notification will actually change anything or it is just a string of words on paper.
Myths about low sexual desire
There are lots of moments in life when you seem to be the only one craving for sex and your partner just doesn't seem interested enough.
Most couples have faced this situation sometime or another in their sexual life even as the sex nosedives and vanishes for days/months and in worst case scenarios maybe even for years. Learning to recognise the symptoms behind a low sex drive helps to get out of the sticky situation. Here are the most common myths about your low sexual levels:
Myth 1: Too much stress leads to low sex drive
Banker Rohit Khanna complained about high stress levels to his partner. "I was having a tough time with my boss in office. That affected my interest in sex, but Aradhana just wouldn't understand. We ended up fighting, with my wife accusing me that I just wasn't interested in her anymore and I was put off by the thought of indulging in sex with her. Finally, we both had to visit a counselor who helped us see the problem for what it was. It was also a time when I had begun to doubt my own sexual prowess. So yes, it was extremely traumatic."
Beat it: Psychologist Poornima Adhikari explains, "Couples often go through high and low phases in their sexual desires. It could be triggered off by anything and stress is most often one of the major reasons for a lack luster sexual life. The hectic lifestyle of today bears ugly aftermaths and thus couples must figure out ways to de-stress. They should look into common areas of interest that help them bond and find happiness together. And talking about your problems is a great way of lowering high stress levels. So communicate, take out time even if it's just 10 minutes every day to talk about things that are troubling you."
Myth 2: Women's low libido are governed by her hormones
Shraddha Singh, a hotel executive reveals that men often believe that hormones regulate a woman's intrinsic moods and desires. "Anand, my husband always fought with me when I told him that I just didn't want to have sex today. He inevitably blamed it on my hormonal levels, saying that women were victims of their hormones. But that's such a huge misconception. Our hormones are just like our male counterparts too." She adds, "Often, a low libido is caused by eating habits, fatigue, not enough sleep and many more physiological factors. Also it's about our mental health."
Beat it: Adhikari points out that low sex drive in women often stems from how they feel about themselves and how they view their relationship with their partner. So when women complain about a low sex drive, their partners need to make them feel good about themselves. Couples need to sit together and work out how on to improve their existing relationship. The woman must be going through some kind of complex feelings that need to be detangled to take the relationship forward at a physical level.
Most couples have faced this situation sometime or another in their sexual life even as the sex nosedives and vanishes for days/months and in worst case scenarios maybe even for years. Learning to recognise the symptoms behind a low sex drive helps to get out of the sticky situation. Here are the most common myths about your low sexual levels:
Myth 1: Too much stress leads to low sex drive
Banker Rohit Khanna complained about high stress levels to his partner. "I was having a tough time with my boss in office. That affected my interest in sex, but Aradhana just wouldn't understand. We ended up fighting, with my wife accusing me that I just wasn't interested in her anymore and I was put off by the thought of indulging in sex with her. Finally, we both had to visit a counselor who helped us see the problem for what it was. It was also a time when I had begun to doubt my own sexual prowess. So yes, it was extremely traumatic."
Beat it: Psychologist Poornima Adhikari explains, "Couples often go through high and low phases in their sexual desires. It could be triggered off by anything and stress is most often one of the major reasons for a lack luster sexual life. The hectic lifestyle of today bears ugly aftermaths and thus couples must figure out ways to de-stress. They should look into common areas of interest that help them bond and find happiness together. And talking about your problems is a great way of lowering high stress levels. So communicate, take out time even if it's just 10 minutes every day to talk about things that are troubling you."
Myth 2: Women's low libido are governed by her hormones
Shraddha Singh, a hotel executive reveals that men often believe that hormones regulate a woman's intrinsic moods and desires. "Anand, my husband always fought with me when I told him that I just didn't want to have sex today. He inevitably blamed it on my hormonal levels, saying that women were victims of their hormones. But that's such a huge misconception. Our hormones are just like our male counterparts too." She adds, "Often, a low libido is caused by eating habits, fatigue, not enough sleep and many more physiological factors. Also it's about our mental health."
Beat it: Adhikari points out that low sex drive in women often stems from how they feel about themselves and how they view their relationship with their partner. So when women complain about a low sex drive, their partners need to make them feel good about themselves. Couples need to sit together and work out how on to improve their existing relationship. The woman must be going through some kind of complex feelings that need to be detangled to take the relationship forward at a physical level.
Myth 3: Medications help to boost low sex drive
According to Dr Swaroop Pandit, Anshuman Hospital, a dip in sexual levels is often caused by circumstances men/women face which causes physiological and psychological changes in the body. "Often patients seek an immediate solution but it takes time to make them realise that there isn't any immediate cure. It's better if they could see it very objectively rather then losing sleep over it. It's important to realise that medications can sometimes have just the opposite effect. So, what is important is to seek out the root of the problem, whether it's physical, psychological or any other. That is half the fight done."
Beat it: Psychoanalyst Sushant Chauhan points out, "Medication should always be kept as the last option. Patients can often be cured by simply addressing their problems. And more than men, its women today who complain about their low sex drive. There are women who are traumatised by the balancing act that they have to deliver everyday by looking into both their professional and personal lives, so at times they almost give sex a miss. Women also get involved with their children once they become mothers so it takes a while to get back their normal drive. What it requires is some patience, a lot of love and time. These factors can go a long way to cure the fears and inhibitions you have."
Myth 4: Sexual drive works in isolation to our body Business analyst Deepak Sharma experienced a phase of low libido. Stricken by panic attacks and running to and fro between seeing doctors and meeting deadlines worsened the case. A chain smoker, his smoking consequently saw a heady increase. "I was totally losing control. I was embarrassed to talk about my low libido with my peers and I just didn't know what was happening to me. Some said I should visit a doctor, some said I should try out herbal medication. I was just not in a position to realise what was causing it. I began to drink steadily along with smoking, often going without meals. And all the time I was thinking how everyone saw me as this loser," confesses Sharma.
Beat it: "This is definitely a cause and effect situation. Men are known to give their sexual drive a lot of importance, so it's very natural for them to react in this manner. Men, in India are a shy lot and very rarely come out to address problems until they are pushed by their partners or family members. Firstly, be clear that it doesn't matter that you are experiencing a low libido level. However, once you face such a predicament, do not aggravate the problem by smoking and so on. It is a fact that smoking can cause impotency, but many people still do not view this as a major problem. So if you are a smoker, kick the habit. If you drink too often, start counting your drinks. Reshuffling your lifestyle, taking a holiday, pursuing interesting hobbies often leads to reinstating your drive," says Chauhan.
Myth 5: High sexual life is equivalent to a good emotional intimacy
Quite often we are taken over by a secure emotional intensity that we share with our partner. And we take that as a guarantee for a fulfilling sex life. Like Shweta Trikha, a struggling model, reveals, "I found a lot of emotional succor from my partner, especially because of the competitiveness that pervaded my work life. He made me feel like we are best friends and nothing could be better then this. But our sexual life was losing its zing. And I didn't know how to get it back on track. Despite drawing so much security from each other, we saw that we were losing steam in bed. That was the time when I hit the alarm bell."
Beat it: Adhikari explains, "Couples often experience moments when everything is going right for them emotionally, except that they are unable to feel a sexual desire for each other. So, instead of getting overwhelmed, go easy. A way out is not to think about having sex and scoring highly in the act. Instead start by just being playful. Forget about doing anything that is normal; instead think of ways to make yourself feel sexy and desired by your beau. The best solution is to feel desired for desire to take precedence in your love life."
Myth 6: If your partner wants to have sex and you don't, then you can make up by showing love in other ways
Confesses college-goer Amit Nagpal, "I faced this problem with my girlfriend. We would often have these dry spells where we didn't touch each other for months even as my girl craved it. I would try to make up for my low sex drive by showering her with gifts, telling her how much I loved her almost all the time. But there was no satisfying her. She complained about not kissing, hugging and I just couldn't explain that I didn't feel like getting physically intimate. Finally there came a time when I decided to give her a break."
Beat it: "This is a problem that is very common, but never understood. Every couple shares a different chemistry, but it is important to touch and feel each other. Especially for married couples, because even if you try to show your love in other ways, it can't compensate for lack of physical closeness. The physical aspect is more important and can't t be replaced by any other act. So it's best to say that you are facing a problem, instead of trying to hide it by resorting to other means to display love," explains Chauhan.
Myth 7: Low libido makes you less desirable
This is a prevalent misconception that can scar the psyche of a person permanently. Fashion designer Sonal Lal, says," I was engaged to be married, but during our courtship period, I just couldn't do get physical with my fiance. Every time he suggested sex, I refused his overtures as I was unable to feel any physical longing for him. This went on till he broke off the engagement complaining that I was cold and frigid and undesirable. The experience hurt so much that I kept away from men for a long time post my broken engagement. And whenever anyone tried to cosy up with me, I shied away being afraid of being rejected all over again."
Beat It: Explains Chauhan that no individual has the right to abuse their partner who may be facing these problems. "Yes, it happens that we might not feel attracted to the person we have planned to marry. It's important to question the basis of your relationship with your prospective partner then, rather then taking the blame on yourself. As discussed, there could be problems beyond the periphery of normal understanding. And desire stems from feeling good about yourself. First develop a positive image about yourself," adds Chauhan.
Myth 8: Sex is the only thing in a relationship
Gautam Nirula, a sales executive says, "I was always told by my friends that a relationship is based on sex. Thus, when I got married, I concentrated on that. However what I failed to understand was that sex depends on a lot of factors. I always wanted sex and my wife kept on refusing me. And instead of understanding her predicament, I remained angry with her. This resulted in a distance between the two of us. Only when elders interfered and counselled me, I realized what was going wrong. Today; I feel that emotional compatibility, trust and faith in each other make the foundation on which great sex is built."
Beat it: Explains Adhikari, "Married couples need to go beyond sex to get it right in bed. If you harbour anger or resentment about your partner you can't enjoy a gratifying sexual life. Often it's the emotional closeness that is most required. When couples come to me I advise them not to think about their physical needs. Instead they are advised to look out for the things they like/love about each other. And develop their bond from there onwards. They need to concentrate on the positives than seeing the negatives. This helps them to get your passion back.
A family of friends
People staying out alone find their solace with friends as they bond like a family...
I left my home for further studies immediately after school. That was 11 years back and since then I have been staying away from home. From studies, it became the quest for a career and from there, the sustenance. And these years have passed like a moment as I can still recall my first steps out of the comfort of my home as if it was just yesterday. That time it might have been a bold step, but these days it's just another story as it has become a common phenomenon.
I left my home for further studies immediately after school. That was 11 years back and since then I have been staying away from home. From studies, it became the quest for a career and from there, the sustenance. And these years have passed like a moment as I can still recall my first steps out of the comfort of my home as if it was just yesterday. That time it might have been a bold step, but these days it's just another story as it has become a common phenomenon.
And this has given birth to a whole new equation of relations where friends find themselves in the close vicinity of each other, being there at various times, sharing every moment, knowing every secret and seeing you become the person that evolves through the years. It then wouldn't be wrong to say, that they become your family. Staying in a rented house, sharing the expenses, cooking together, partying every weekend, scolding each other for every bad habit, waiting for all to come home from work so that there could be that towards the end of the day 'mehfil', fighting over silly issues and then reconciling and a lot more.
While you might miss the love and care you get from staying with your parents, what it does is bring out that sense of individuality and independence at an early age. It helps you in finding what's best for you and take all your decisions on your own rather than someone else doing it for you. Friends, as they say, make or break someone's life and if you find that family like belonging with all that fun, then what better would you look for?
Baby at any cost
I only wanted to be a mother...
These poignant lines have been penned by a friend devastated by the recent death of her best friend, who at 39, and desperate to have her own baby, succumbed to complications arising out of a difficult pregnancy.
From freezing eggs and dialling for donor eggs to renting a womb and cashing in sperms from the sperm bank, there's an array of baby shopping choices that almost ensures that no woman has to ever go childless again. Unless, of course, the decision not to have one is solely hers.
So if you think you've missed the baby bus because you couldn't conceive naturally, or you let your biological clock merrily tick away, or maybe you've been on the shelf, and don't feel motivated enough to go male hunting, or you're simply unwilling to be in confinement for nine long months, worry not. Thanks to medical technology, a baby will still be delivered whenever you're ready.
But should a woman's very maternal desire to have a child be allowed to override all other concerns, including the fact that her health and even life might be endangered if she were to proceed with it? And is being a mother the most abiding definition of womanhood?
Eminent IVF specialist and fertility expert Dr Firuza Parikh says, "Being childless is still one of the biggest inadequacies that a couple may feel. The commonest phrase that I hear from women dealing with infertility is, 'Doctor, I feel incomplete and worthless!' There are very few couples who opt to be childless by choice. If you probe their voluntary childlessness, there may be coercion on the part of one partner." She continues, "I recall the sad state of a young girl who had to tell everybody that she detested children and hence did not want to conceive. The truth was that her husband was infertile. However, because of family circumstances they had to pretend to not want children."
Prerna, an IT professional in her late 30s, went through endless IVF cycles and corrections to help her conceive a child only to be told by the doctors that they'd tried everything in their armoury, and it would be best if she went for adoption or opt for motherhood with donor eggs. Initially, this verdict broke her. But a year and several counselling sessions later, they opted for adoption, and today, both parents insist that it couldn't have ended more beautifully than this.
But examples like Prerna are few and far between. Most women will flit from one doctor to another when told that theirs might be a hopeless case, or that a pregnancy might be life-threatening. Unfortunately, and invariably, someone in the lure of money or a misplaced sense of confidence in their own competence will accept such cases. Says Dr Nayana Patel of Akanksha Fertility Clinic, Anand (Gujarat), who's been featured on Oprah and CNN, "The instinct of procreating and motherhood is a very strong one. I'd like to give every woman a shot at motherhood, but in cases where I feel it endangers her life, or there's risk of a major complication, I usually draw a line, though someone else may quite willingly take up the case."
How does one convince women who fail to have their own biological offspring that they're no less a woman for not being a biological mother, and that being a mother is certainly not the be-all and end-all of womanhood? "When a woman comes to the end of the road, it is very important to let her know that she has not failed, but it is the treatment that has failed. It is important that she feels loved and emotionally involved with her near and dear ones. Getting back to her job and hobbies is very important. Sometimes adoption, donor eggs or surrogacy can be tried to fill this void," says Dr Firuza. However, as Dr Nayana says, "Some women refuse the surrogacy route because they want to be both biological as well as gestational mothers."
Like 34-year-old Heena Sondhi, who refuses to consider surrogacy or adoption options despite having gone through three miscarriages, with the last being near-fatal. "I want to experience motherhood. No 'weird' alternatives like surrogacy for me."
"Yearning for motherhood is very natural and normal, but there are times when a balance must be struck between one's desires and ground realities," advises Dr Nayana.
Because sometimes it's a matter of life and death, not a happy birth.
I am writing this for all those women like me who would go to any lengths to be a mother, knowing little what it can take away from them. My obsession to have a child has left my mother childless today!
Quick tips to stay fit at work
Exercising at work seems impossible. While we find it difficult to keep our hands off that packet of chips lying on our desks, the rest of us make frequent visits to the canteen to admire the spicy and tangy nibbles. It is okay to pander to your favourite food sometimes as long as you manage to burn those extra calories. So, how do you stay active and fit at work?
Doing the small things right
To be fit, one has to be mentally and physically agile along with a lot of energy and a positive frame of mind. "Fitness comes with a combination of willpower and determination. At work, one can do several things in order to be active. Activities such as bending down to pull out a file, stretching, walking up to your colleagues to deliver or receive messages or documents rather than using e-mails, getting up and fetching yourself a cup of coffee/ tea and other beverages instead of ordering it can also help in a large ways," says Manjushree Dandekar, a fitness trainer and expert.
"My workplace is very close to my residence, so I choose to walk it up. Walking to work is the best option since I can avoid signals, traffic and at the same time, reach work on time," says Gautam Karkhanis, a fitness freak. However, this is possible only for a few lucky ones. The others have a plethora of options such as using the stairs in the office instead of the elevators. You'll burn a large number of calories and increase your stamina this way. It is one of the easiest and most common ways to work out while on the go. Climbing up and down the stairs keeps away lethargy and inactivity. Those with workplaces at the top floors can try climbing atleast three to four floors. You may also try squeezing a sponge ball while you read documents, make official phone calls and talk to colleagues. This will reduce your stress levels, while strengthening the muscles of your palms and hands alongside.
Watch what you eat
Eating tiny, healthy meals every two hours would keep you away from lethargy which most of us experience after a heavy meal. Small intakes of food also keep you energetic throughout the day as your body gets the required nutrients to do so. You have to make sure that you consume energy-rich healthy foods. Keep away from junk food as much as possible. You may opt for fruits or fruit juices, a glass of toned milk, sandwiches and lots of salads. These are easily available at most of the canteens in offices and are quick and easy to make and carry from home.
Alternatives
Nowadays, a lot of bosses also encourage their employees to join yoga and aerobics classes. Some of them even have work-outs and exercising sessions conducted for their employees by fitness professionals. "Exercising and staying active at work can increase your level of productivity since your body and mind is active at every instant," says Manjushree.
You can also be innovative in the quest to stay fit. Concurs Sushama Soman, a businesswoman, "I have my own office so I conduct walking meetings instead of the ones in the conference room. It meets make me feel both active and fresh and my employees too like the idea of it."
Here are a few more simple tips to keep you moving:
- Park your car a little away from your workplace to ensure that you walk more.
- Take deep breaths from time to time to be more alert. It will relieve you from pressures and tensions.
- Use the restroom on another floor by taking the stairs. It will make you walk a few extra steps to keep you active.
- Walk while you take a phone call.
- Stretch whenever you feel like to ward off stiffness.
- Take breaks at regular intervals.
- Avoid binging into fried snacks.
- Opt for healthier options like fruits instead.
Keeping fit is not only about jogging or lifting heavy weights. It's about adding short bouts of easy and simple movements that help keep you agile and fit. Squeezing in a little time for yourself while at work, isn't that tough after all. If you're regular with it, you'll take pleasure in your job. You'll smile at your boss while he/ she mounts you up with more work. So get going today and make your way to fun and fitness at office!
A rigorous exercise regimen makes us all feel good but it is difficult to make time for it, Chaitrali Sardesai suggests quick and easy ways to stay fit at work
Corp to keep a tab on food stalls at Onam fairs
Food inspectors and health inspectors will check the food items like 'payasam', chips and other eatables offered at these fairs, said standing committee chairman, Health Committee, T K Ashraf. Four vehicles would be allotted to officials for the purpose.
"It has been brought to our attention that sub-standard food is being sold at road-side eateries and stalls set up for the festival season. There would be regular inspection till September 7," he told ToI. Raids will be conducted at all zones. It is also decided to grade hotels and eateries in the city. "Grading will be based on quality of food and cleanliness practised in hotels and restaurants," he added.
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