Although we all love to be happily
married, couples often find themselves caught off guard when a marriage breaks. The reasons may range from silly
to serious. It happens in the most unexpected way. Only when you face the situation do you actually begin to think back
and realise if you missed the warning signs.
Here are a few situations that suggest trouble
in your marriage
1. Digging up the past, name calling, verbally
abusing and belittling in-laws have almost become common for you two.
2. Both look for silly excuses to fight. You try
avoiding each other and don't look forward to coming back home anymore. Even a
trivial complaint turns into a bitter fight. You feel there's no workable
solution in sight.
3. Nothing is a joint decision anymore. There's
no logic behind your explanation. It's simply a matter of ego to prove what you
feel is right.
4. Jealousy creeps in. There's no healthy
competition anymore. It's not at all fun to ask for guidance as you are
belittled for your complete lack of knowledge or ignorance. You can't take your
spouse into confidence.
5. Your spouse can't think beyond
himself/herself. You feel like an outsider being neglected and unwanted. You
don't feel part of the family at all. It is no more our family but 'my family'.
This means danger!
6. One of you cheats. Extra-marital affair is a
strict no-no and ruins family life. It's an unpardonable mistake and means the
end of a marriage.
7. Neither of you are inclined towards sex. It
kind of becomes mechanical with absolutely no passion. Sex is something that
keeps the marriage going.
8. You don't seem to sort out issues then and
there. Either of you is an escapist and avoids confrontation. You have bottled
it all up and can't wait for it to burst so you can put an end to your
relationship.
9. No communication of any sorts. Forget the
mushy notes and flower bouquet, your partner doesn't bother asking 'how are
you' in a mail or text message. When there's total silence between the two of
you and you run out of topics to talk, then your relationship has reached a dead end.
Sometimes children push themselves
too hard while aiming for the skies. Parents, watch out for the warning signs and put your foot down. It will save
your child, say experts
Pressure to win and be the best. Attending
tuition classes. Intense training schedules. In a world of super achievers,
children often find themselves at the burnt end of the rope. With constant peer
pressure, and overzealous parents wanting their children
to accomplish beyond their capacity, more often than not, a push becomes the
shove.
A lot of times, peer pressure leads to children
stressing themselves out over education, sports or other extracurricular
activities. Nishi Mehta (name changed on request) recalls her son's mad dash to
learn football, as a lot of his friends had signed up for the game.
"My son suffers from fragile bones.
Football is an energetic game that requires a lot of running
around and tremendous stamina. It also results in a lot of
injuries, which he couldn't cope with, considering his condition. I had a tough
time explaining to him why football was not his sport," she says.
Dr Bhupendra Chaudhry, Consultant Psychiatrist,
Manipal Hospital, explains, "A lot of children put pressure on themselves
after seeing their peer group and set unrealistic targets for themselves. They
want to prove that they are super achievers. In such cases parents need to empathize
with the child and
offer them an alternative solution." Like Nishi Mehta did after seeking
professional help, which helped her to understand her child's strengths through
some simple tests and signed him up for chess, an indoor game. "His
analytical skills and patience levels were ideal for the game. Now when he wins
chess tournaments, he doesn't feel left out of the success cycle."
As Dr Yesheswini Kamaraju, Consultant Psychiatrist,
Fortis Hospital, says, "For majority of children, it takes time to know
their expertise. If a child doesn't try out various options, he or she may be
losing out on opportunities."
The red flags
Experts opine that most children and adolescents
show warning signs when pushed beyond a limit. As parents, it is necessary to
look out for the danger spots for damage control.
Common signs include
» anxiety
» mood disorders
» adamant behaviour
» anti-social behaviour
"Loss of concentration, being fearful in
public situations, watching too much television or doing standalone activities
should ring a bell," points out Dr Chaudhry. It is a common situation,
when families or parents push a child so much it results in irritability and
they want to escape the rigour. "In such cases, family sessions where
parents are helped to evaluate and set expectations, understand their ward's
temperamental attitudes is important," he explains.
Functional pains are another indication, points
out Dr Kamaraju. "Abdominal aches, stress-induced symptoms, headaches,
sleep difficulties can be a manifestation of the emotional turmoil that a child
goes through in such situations," she says.
Remedial actions
Taking help from professional counsellors can
help resolve behavioural disasters to a great extent, says Dr Chaudhry. Agrees
Dr Kamaraju, advising the presence of school counsellors and therapists. Using
the right language and helping the child develop a good self esteem after
they've quit something is very important, she says. "Words like 'you won't
get it, what is this rubbish' are very common in schools these days.
What a lot of educationists need to understand
is that these words can affect a child mentally," she warns. "If a
child wants to quit something, immediately after trying it, explain to them
patiently that they need to give it some time before deciding to do so. But if
he or she is
absolutely hell-bent on giving up or if it is a
physical problem, then a parent has to realise that there is a difficulty and that
they should stop pushing," Dr Kamaraju says.
Taking a break and then getting back to it if a
child feels the inclination or interest is another option. Having the right
role models to look up to and adequate supervision are also key factors to
encourage a child to pursue certain goals, she points out.
Three studies have concluded that obesity anddepression are the two main culprits that make
people excessively sleepy while awake.
Researchers at Penn State examined a random
population sample of 1,741 adults and decided that obesity and emotional stress are the main
causes of the current "epidemic" of sleepiness and fatigue plaguing
America.
Insufficient sleep and obstructive sleep apnea
also play a role; both have been linked to high blood pressure, heart disease,
emotional stress,diabetes, obesity and accidents.
"The 'epidemic' of sleepiness parallels an
'epidemic' of obesity and psychosocial stress," Alexandros Vgontzas, MD,
the principal investigator for the three studies, said.
"Weight loss, depression and sleep disorders should be our priorities in terms of
preventing the medical complications and public safety hazards associated with
this excessive sleepiness," Vgontzas said.
In the Penn State cohort study, 222 adults
reporting excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS) were followed up 7 and a half
years later.
For those whose EDS persisted, weight gain was
the strongest predicting factor.
"In fact, our results showed that in individuals
who lost weight, excessive sleepiness improved," Vgontzas said.
Adults from that same cohort who developed EDS
within the 7½-year span also were studied.
The results show for the first time that
depression and obesity are the strongest risk factors for new-onset excessive
sleepiness.
The third study, of a group of 103 research
volunteers, determined once again that depression and obesity were the best
predictors for EDS.
"The primary finding connecting our three
studies are that depression and obesity are the main risk factors for both
new-onset and persistent excessive sleepiness," Vgontzas said.
In the Penn State cohort study, the rate of
new-onset excessive sleepiness was 8 per cent, and the rate of persistent
daytime sleepiness was 38 per cent.
Like insufficient sleep and obstructive sleep
apnea, EDS also is associated with significant health risks and on-the-job
accidents.
Finnish researchers have confirmed that a stressful job
could make us old and sick before time.
Led by Kirsi Ahola of the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health, the
researchers measured the length of DNA sections called telomeres and how the
lengths varied in association with jobstress and
found that people suffering from the most job stress tended to have shorter
telomeres.
Telomeres, located at the ends of chromosomes, serve as a type of protective
cap to the ropy strands, helping assure that the genetic instructions carried by genes on the chromosomes are
accurately translated so cells get the right messages.
Telomeres shorten with age, oxidation and chemical insults. Often, when
telomeres reach a critically short length, the cell dies in a process called
apoptosis, according to NBC News.
Some cells do not die, but rather become what scientists call 'senescent' -
they start making genetic errors and causing damage.
Ahola and her team analyzed blood cells called leukocytes - which are critical
to immune function - in 2,911 people between ages 30 and 64.
They found that workers who experienced severe exhaustion from job stress had
significantly shorter leukocyte telomeres than their relatively stress-free
counterparts.
But it appears that frazzled wage earners have more to worry about than crow's
feet, wrinkles and greying locks. Telomere shortening has been linked to
Parkinson's disease, type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease and cancer.
In short, being in a constant state of anxiety at your workplace could make you
old before your time and expose you to illnesses associated with aging.
"I think that these results should be used when considering health hazards
and work place legislation. Chronic work stress can become a health risk and
should be prevented," the Daily Mail quoted Ahola as telling NBC News.
The research appeared in the journal PloS One this month.
Recession could increase levels of stress, which in turn can
trigger skin conditions like eczema,psoriasis and acne, say dermatologists.
In a survey nine out of ten dermatologists have noted a rise in eczema,
psoriasis and other skin conditions triggered by stress since
the credit crunch hit.
As distress of skin conditions has led some sufferers to self-harm and
contemplate suicide, the British Skin Foundation said it is important to address any underlying
emotional problems that trigger physical symptoms.
The survey of 105 doctors and nurses who specialise in skin conditions found 41 per cent
had seen a noticeable increase in stress-related break-outs. Five per cent
cited a 'huge' increase and almost half had seen a slight increase.
The poll, carried out at the British Association of Dermatologists' annual
conference, showed therecession is taking its greatest toll on eczema sufferers.
However, there have also been rises in acne, psoriasis - characterised by dry
red patches of skin covered with silvery scales - and vitiligo, in which pale
patches appear on the skin.
"The recession brings with it a set of problems that add further stress
and misery to the millions that live with a skin disease," the Daily
Mail quoted BSF member Bevis Man said.
Previous BSF research had revealed many sufferers of skin diseases have been
verbally abused in public.
