'Don't shield children too much!'

Let me begin by saying that I believe that children have to be loved, nurtured and protected from unpleasant realities of life (as much as possible) through early childhood. Having said that, I would like to add, whenever possible, children should be gradually introduced to responsibilities and realities of life. All of which will be based on individual family situations, exposure and experiences of each child and the relationships children develop through the course of their childhood and teenage.

What are the issues that we need to make children aware of?
This depends on the age of the children. For instance, I believe that children around the age of 10/11 should be introduced to the importance of privacy and their body; teach boys and girls to respect each other's physical space; equip them with words to use when they feel that others are in their space, particularly when someone is being disrespectful to their body. Identify a go to person, who the kid and parents trust. Children often have questions which are confidential and they should be able to reach out to a responsible adult. Teenagers should be informed about drug abuse and the many faces of drug abuse. As stimulants and over the counter medications are being abused. Second, teens should be educated to be alert and aware of their surroundings. Third, teens should have seminars/moral science class about the importance of "rules" on facebook and other social networks. Sex-ting and cyber bullying are dangerous and kids innocently get sucked into it. Fourth, the dangerous of chatting with strangers online cannot be over-emphasized.

At what age should children be spoken to about death, money, betrayals in relationships, etc?
Discussing money and relationships will depend upon individual families and their situation with regard to these two issues. For example, if the family is going through a divorce or if parents are separated, children should be informed and educated about the pros and cons of their situation. Although explaining to the child is important, the extent of information will depend on the age of the child and the situation. Death, if it is in the immediate family, should be discussed to the child age appropriately. If a parent of the child is suffering from cancer or other terminal conditions, it is necessary to prepare the child for the inevitable. At the same time, the child can be taught to rejoice the time left with his/her parent as well as celebrate the life of the parent. This again is private and will be appropriate if discussed individually.

I do not believe that both death and relationships are topics that can be discussed in depth in a school seminar setting. It is a topic that can be touched upon to normalize the situation for all children and prepare children. For instance, talking about losing a family member and respecting the pain that people feel can be introduced around the age of 10/11. Teens can be made aware of the resources that are available to them if they would like to seek help in discussing their individual situations. This can be a resource that is available at school or in the community - for the family. In addition, it is important to have parents' involvement in such support groups and have parent education session. Sometimes parents are not aware of the child's situation or do not know where to get help.

How are we shielding children — as parents, in schools, through literature?
As I said earlier, it is important to shield our children through a lot of what is out there in the media and society. However, it is also very important to know when to discuss age appropriate material with children. As the saying goes, "it takes a village to raise a child" I believe that parents, school and community resources have to work together to build a support system that will inform, educate and support children and parents.

Children can be exposed to age appropriate literature for general reading as well as, literature on their body and puberty at the age of 11/12yrs. Every year in school there can be more information added. Information can be focused on relationships, physical changes and growth, sex, respecting women and respecting one's own body and mind. If required, how and where to seek for help.

In all the above points, it is important to keep in mind that too much information and too little information can be damaging. Raising children is like a tight rope walk; therefore the key is - working with awareness.

"It’s good to see people smiling and to its great to know that the reason of that smile is you." Dr Kurien S Thomas

Back pain: Exercise is the solution

What do you do when your back hurts? Do you stop exercising? Do you sleep on it? Fast becoming a common ailment for the sedentary working classes, back pain must not be taken lightly.

If after consulting a doctor or expert, it turns out that your back pain is not bone or joint related, then weak core muscles are usually to blame.

This can arise from lack of exercise, low physical activity, poor posture, bad form while lifting heavy objects or poor seated posture while commuting (especially over bad roads). Neglecting back pain can catapult into long term back problems. Hence we spoke to our expert on Strength and Conditioning - Arnav Sarkar. He enforces core exercises as a solution to reduce back problems. Here's what he says...

"The first thing to do is consult a specialist and he will guide you on the appropriate exercises. When someone has back pain, they must first consult their doctor to know which exercises are completely off limits and which are the ones that they can follow. In general, there are some exercises that should be best avoided for those with back pain. These would include situps, lying leg raises, standing toe touches, long distance jogging, etc."

Arnav further explains, "However, it should be noted that avoiding exercise altogether is not the solution for back pain. Strengthening your body and developing your cardio system is a very efficient way to combat back pain. Core strengthening exercises and stretching will help to reduce back pain, similarly aerobic activities like walking and swimming are also a reliable option for those with back pain."

 “Exercise is a tonic to good health.” Dr Kurien S Thomas

Make a good first impression

If you have recently landed a job, then yes, the worst is over. What's most important is making a good impression your first week at work. Arshie Chevalwala highlights key benefits and methods of doing just that

A first impression might not be the last, but it definitely is crucial. As said, initial impressions are ones that stick around for a while. As a fresher, one is bound to be nervous on job. Vishal Chibber, director, HR, Kelly Services India, describes the importance of a first impression, "A first impression is vital, as it defines the basis of interaction going forward and can bias the audience or the next person, even before the actual interaction has begun. For a new employee it sets the tone of how his superiors, peers and juniors perceive him even before their formal interaction starts and hence must start on a good note."

There are various benefits of getting the first impression right, and sometimes it is for the convenience of avoiding rectification of a wrong impression. "At times it becomes very difficult to change a persons perception. It takes lesser effort to make a good first impression than to change a not so good one. Till the time people really interact and get to know you, they would judge you by the first impression and hence makes it critical for you to get it right." adds Chibber. Radhika Varma, a fresher at Concept Communication says, "It is extremely crucial to make a friendly and approachable impression in your first week at work. A fresher is bound to feel alien as he is probably being judged by his/ her seniors and colleagues." Nupur Sheth, brand alchemist and online strategist, Zozolo Digital Pvt Ltd further highlights the advantages of a good first impression." As a fresher, your colleagues may or may not judge you by your work, but they definitely judge you by your communication skills, wit and behaviour. It is necessary to impress them; having a good impression automatically gives you a leg up. It directly translates into more opportunities coming your way," she says.

Following are steps you can take in order to make a good first impression:

Be on time
Someone you meet for the first time is not interested in your "excuse" for running late. Plan to arrive a few minutes earlier than scheduled. Allow flexibility for possible delays in traffic or taking a wrong turn.

Be yourself, be at ease
If you are calm and confident, the other person will feel more at ease. Have a solid foundation for making that first impression a good one. Be yourself and you will automatically behave more confidently. This gives the person you are meeting a better impression of you.

Present yourself appropriately
The person you are meeting for the first time does not know you and your appearance is usually the first clue he goes with. Of course, physical appearance matters.

Dress professionally
You should never underestimate the importance of dressing professionally at your work place. Your dressing sense helps people judge your nature.

Ask for help if needed
No one expects you to solve all the organisational problems on your first week at work. Ask for help if needed. Remember, it's better to ask before you've made a mistake.

Listen more, talk less
One of the hardest skills to learn for some of us -- especially extroverts is that when we are new to the organisation, it's better to listen than to talk. You don't wish to hamper your reputation, do you?

Show appreciation
Nothing works like kindness and genuine appreciation. Thank and appreciate those who help you learn the ropes during your first days at work. Meet and network with key people in your organisation.

Take advantage of every opportunity to network with key people in your organisation. Attend staff meetings, professional organisation conferences and social gatherings.

Constantly try and grow your network of contacts, you never know when a problem or opportunity will arise.

How to deal with a chatterbox friend

Dealing with a chatterbox friend may try your patience. Here's how to tell her to shut up, without being rude

You are meeting your college friend after a long time, and before you can start by telling her how glad you are to meet her, she suddenly starts yapping about her boyfriend, work, life without giving you the chance to reciprocate. A talkative friend can be really frustrating at times, especially when they give you no chance to speak. But, need not worry; you can deal with this behaviour by using a combination of assertiveness and respect.

Rajan Bhonsle, relationship expert, says, "If you have an excessively talkative friend, it does not necessarily mean that she is an irritating person. It can be a trait of her extrovert and bubbly personality. You need to apply certain tricks to deal with your friend without hurting her feelings."

Effective communication

Communication forms the core ingredient of any relationship. If you are very close to your friend who talks too much, let her know. This will not only help you but her too. Says relationship expert, Seema Hingorrany, "When people talk too much, they do not realise that after a point, they start boring people and annoying them with their self-centered conversation. If the person is very close to you, tell her about her habit, so that it benefits both of you."

Deal tactfully

Excuse yourself graciously from the conversation when you find your friend going on and on about a particular topic which you find irritating.

Understand the situation

Lot of times, when people go through difficult phases in life, they tend to talk allot. Says Bhonsle, "If your friend has gone through some kind of relationship crisis, it is evitable that she will talk. In such cases, you should allow your friend to vent out her feelings." This will help her to not only get over the phase but prevent her from talking about it in future.

Grab the opportunity

When your friend takes a pause to sip on her coffee, make use of the opportunity and start talking about something different. This will automatically change the topic of discussion.

Try to make the conversation interesting

Try putting the point across to your friend that you are getting extremely bored. Make sure you are polite enough. Try to initiate a talk about something of interest to you. This will keep you engaged in the conversation.

Cut the conversation short

Tell your friend that you are running short of time and have to make it for a family function or an interview. Promise her that you will meet her next time and will hear her completely. Take the blame upon yourself and cut the conversation short.

Give a no-interest look

If at all, you are left with no more patience to listen to your friend, make sure to give her a no-interest look. This look works wonders! She will immediately stop yapping! Noncommittal responses & less active participation are the best ways to give hints to the person that you are getting extremely bored with the one-way conversation.

Be smart

-If your friend talks too much, handle it with a short answer, not giving her a chance to speak further or simply ignore the conversation by doing something else.

-If your friend is getting onto your nerves, simply tell her politely that you would want to talk about something of interest.

-Try to meet your friend for a shorter period of time. This will lead to you spending less time with your friend and getting less bored with her non-stop talking.

-If you are in a big group, you can avoid the talkative friend by talking to someone else.

-Remember, it is okay for you to let your friend know that their too much of talking is boring you, and at times is really irritating.

People who cannot learn to discipline themselves cannot learn to command.

What his cooking style says about him

If you want to figure your man out, all you need to do is ask him to whip up a meal. So, is he the reckless lover, the protective boyfriend or someone looking for adventure?

Mr Compassionate
He might be a version Bill Clinton or a Paul McCartney. Most vegetarians are usually concerned with health, environment or humane treatment of animals. So expect him to be warm-hearted and understanding. At the same time, he may be fussy and over-particular. One thing that is likely to put him off is food wastage; make sure you take the right amount of food on your plate. The trick lies in being casual and spontaneous while being cautious at the same time. And yes, you can certainly brush up your knowledge on health and environment; it'll help you strike up a good conversation over a lovely vegetarian meal.

Mr health freak
Counting the number of calories in every ingredient is what keeps this diet fanatic busy. His focus is on whipping up a meal that's completely healthy so that he can enjoy the food without the guilt trip. He is likely to have some insecurity issues or doubts about self image. So handle him with care. Be encouraging and supportive by not talking against his dietary consciousness. Help him in putting the meal together instead of suggesting modifications.

Mr alpha male
You may have heard, "Women cook, men grill". It's understood that men who love to grill are pretty masculine. Your guy is very confident about what he's doing and won't really ask you for any advice. You'll be impressed to see how he efficiently puts up an entire dish right from marinating to preparing the grill. He may appear the 'I want to take control' type but beneath the tough exterior, you'll see someone who responds well to praise. After the finger-licking meat, you are likely to be the next item on his menu. So be ready for the romantic ride with your man in the driver's seat!

Mr adventurer
The explorer types are open to trying new things, whether in the kitchen, on the dinner table or the bedroom! A watchful foodie, he tries to interpret exotic dishes he has had at a restaurant or a cafe. An extrovert, he steps out of his comfort zone to go off the beaten track. Be ready for excitement and surprises. This meal will be a memorable one, with a sensual treat that tastes and looks amazing. You've got to be quick and spontaneous to keep pace with this one.

Mr nurturer
He is the comfort food specialist who puts immense effort and love into making a dish. He'll do everything to make you feel loved and special. He may not put up the most nutritious meal but it will be the most delicious one for sure. You can help him set up the table or clear the kitchen but stay away from the cooking bit. You might just take away the pleasure he gets in preparing the meal. When it comes to this type, appreciation is welcomed. It can be in any form — a hot massage or a passionate kiss!

Mr carefree
He is someone who enjoys cooking but is too lazy to put up an entire meal on his own. Relaxed and easy-going in nature, he does take care of the nutrition aspect but enjoys the convenience of packaged foods. He may take inspiration from cookbooks and magazine recipes and add his own special touch to a packaged item. Extremely open to suggestions and ideas, living with this type is quite simple.