Control anger before anger controls You

- Dr. Kurien S. Thomas, Effective Living Clinic, Vashi, Navi Mumbai - Rejuvenate

"A man was polishing his new car; his 4 year old son picked up a stone & scratched on the side of the car. In anger, the furious Man took his child's hand & hit it many times, not realizing he was using a wrench. At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.When the child saw his father....with painful eyes he asked 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?' The man was so hurt and speechless. He went back to the car and kicked it many times. Devastated by his own actions... sitting in front of the car he looked at the scratches, His son had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'. It is said, Anger and Love have no limits...Always remember..... "Things are to be used and people are to be loved" but the problem in today's world is.... "People are being USED & Things are being LOVED."In today’s world we are always being judged / scanned / criticized by one and all; at home, at school, at college, at place of work and at all places that we go.Competitions and performance are over –rated. Televisions, internet and other media have been set on high search and follow mode. People today follow others not according to their taste, but by fame, prosperity etc. of others. The result …. They end up with unsatisfactory taste buds in life. This triggers their stress and stress in turn makes them immobile towards anticipated success thus anger triggers in the individual. Who does not get angry? The answer is everybody does? Every human does because that is his/her way of expression on anxiety or dissatisfaction.Anger has many dimensions to it. Some think an angry tone displays maturity. Some feel an angry expression can bring fear; that is the best mode to bring discipline. Some feel angry words can bring hope. Parents get angry due to anxiety. Some Anger has love in it. But only wise men can recognize the element of love in anger.I read about a 19 year old boy who ran away from his house 3 times. The reason; his mother did not buy a motorbike for him. The anxiety that a parent holds while the child rides the bike is unexplainable. Parents got their right to worry and that worry is translated into anxiety and the anxiety is expressed in anger.Marriages are today held is such a way that parents got no say in the lives of their child. We have a notion with us that we know everything and we can deal with it. That is our side of the story. We do give pre-marital counseling to the to-be-bride & the groom where a detailed study is conducted considering the likes & dislikes a crispy consultation is tabled before the to-be couple. In my personal suggestion the entire family if possible must be given counseling. If not possible as an entire family at least the parents of the bride and the groom must also be facilitated with this unique service. There may be contradictions to my say but let me say that many times due to lack of proper understanding, family issues pop up in no seconds. A gulf is bridged in the family. It would look like a torn bedspread when spread on the bed. The charm is gone. Many families today live like strangers under one roof. The newly wed does not interact with the parents or very limited. Or the parents do not interact with the newly wed. Sibling rivalry, the list goes endless… The reason is perhaps small issues which are concreted so well perhaps stronger than a RCC slab. Sometimes it would be stronger when compared to concreted roads. This is stress in the family-relationships. Concern for each other brings understanding and that understanding is real love.The other day I had written on stress during exams and tips to combat it. Stress to some extend is good but when it goes beyond boundaries of tolerance it turns out to be negative. Similarly, expression of anger to an extend is wise beyond that limit is evil sometimes even destructive.A short advice to the newly married or all those in the wedlock Don’t go to bed angry at each other. It will only get worse in the morning. Young husbands & wives sometimes think that their spouse will “get over it” with a good night’s sleep. Take it from one who knows? It doesn’t work. If you don’t solve your problems, both of you will not sleep well and both will have a bad morning when you do wake up.

Quick tips to control anger before anger controls us

Get out of the situation or place where you are when you got angry•

Try to stop the discussion at once and try to think will it benefit you in any way•

Try to channelize the energy in you to do some activities like cleaning, walking, writing down the causes of that particular situation•

Try to analyse which kind of conversation was responsible to trigger anger in you, rather learn to act tactful in similar situations ahead• Try to think of something else that could calm down your anger (about your family, loved ones etc.)•

Try deep breath –inhale/exhale at least 8 times•

Try to listen to some soothing music.•

Still angry… take a pillow; punch it till your anger wades out.You would emerge stronger when you learn the art to control your anger. Remember, it is human to have anger. It is what you do with it that counts!

Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, very slow to anger.

Dr. Kurien S. Thomas is a certified & qualified Clinical  Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Counsellor, Life Coach, Registered Medical Practitioner in Alternative Medicines & YogaTherapist. He has completed M.S, M.D (Doctor of Medicine in Alternative Medicines), certified & qualified Yoga Therapist from University of Mumbai, Founder and Executive Director of EFFECTIVE LIVING CLINIC and creator of K Yoga Therapy. He is registered with Indian Board of Alternative Medicines, which is recognized by the W.H.O (World Health Organisation) and U.N (United Nations). 

Eggs lower in cholesterol than believed

Source: Mayo Clinic

Eggs are lower in cholesterol than previously thought, according to new nutrition data from the United States Department of Agriculture's Agricultural Research Service (USDA-ARS).

The USDA-ARS recently reviewed the nutrient composition of standard large eggs, and results show the average amount of cholesterol in one large egg is 185 mg, 14 per cent lower than previously recorded. The analysis also revealed that large eggs now contain 41 IU of vitamin D, an increase of 64 per cent.

"We collected a random sample of regular large shell eggs from 12 locations across the country to analyze the nutrient content of eggs," said Dr. Jacob Exler, Nutritionist with the Agricultural Research Service's Nutrient Data Laboratory.

"This testing procedure was last completed with eggs in 2002, and while most nutrients remained similar to those values, cholesterol decreased by 14 per cent and vitamin D increased by 64 per cent from 2002 values."

Handling depression during divorce

- Dr. Kurien S. Thomas, Effective Living Clinic, Vashi, Navi Mumbai - Rejuvenate

Marriage is said to be made in Heaven but then where does then divorce come from? I am sure nobody gets married for a divorce. Many people sometimes do not want to enter divorce but are forced to either due to family pressure or from friends who misguide to the ultimatum without thinking pros and cons of divorce. Hence, in my practice I have found that people enter divorce to please somebody they confide in more than their spouse. It is heartening to know that true love does not exist among spouses that give room for others to peep in to create vacuum between couples. There can be many reasons to claim that divorce in the right choice in a particular relationship but many times we do not rethink or look for possibilities that can save a marriage. The responsibility to save a marriage lies solely in the hands of married spouses in that particular relationship. Once a lady said; every time I find Mr Right my husband scares him away. It is equal responsibility of a husband and a wife to keep marital chord intact.

Albert Einstein once said: ‘Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.’

For many people divorce is too hard to deal with though it is not an immediate decision but something you see coming in the long way. Factors such as feeling of helplessness, frustration, anger, sadness, loneliness, sleeplessness and above all guilt seeps into the minds of the couple thus making room from depression and stress. Whatever may the reason be, both spouses do face depression to some extent. You cannot live with such negative feelings but try to give your life a meaning.

Never put yourself down, let the bygones be bygones and do not compare with others. Do not forget to laugh and make your surroundings positive enough to feel comfortable. When you feel out of control, reach out to someone who can help you genuinely or rush to a counselor. 

Few tips to handle depression during divorce:

1. Talk:

Try to talk about your feelings about divorce to someone with whom you can confide with utmost secrecy.

Talk to your parents, children and others who are too close to you about your decision. Perhaps they can

help you. There have been cases where talk between spouses helped them to sort out their differences. (Mature approach is needed to handle it this way). Never try to come to conclusion quickly. Try to talk to your spouses in sentences rather than in paragraphs.

2. Seek help:

Counselors are the best source to seek help as they would look into all angles of your case helping you to find out an optimum solution to your existing problem. There have been cases where discussions with counsellor along with your spouse helped in reunion (Best option). Honourable court too would love to see patch-ups instead of divorce.

3. Diet:

There is no special diet for those facing divorce proceedings. It is important to note that you need to hydrate well so that your body has enough fluid to keep it hydrated well. Eat fresh fruits and nuts to keep your energy level up. Do not much on junk as they make you feel loaded but lots of unwanted calories leading to health issues. Consult your physician to add few supplements to balance your body requirements.

4. Work it out:

Apart from trying to work-out a solution to save your marriage, which could be egoistic but certainly worth letting it go to enjoy mutual consent to reunion, you have to work out your physical body to keep it fit. Try to walk, cycle, swim, hit the gym or try yoga to remain healthy. Try to meditate, think positively for positive outcomes so that you get to think in all direction when reaching out for solutions.

5. Engage yourself:

It is read idle mind is devil’s workshop. Try to engage yourself in some social activity or develop hobbies that can

keep you busy and help you to channelize your energy levels in the right direction.

In a symposium on health, a married man said it is not true that married men live longer than single men…it just seems longer.

Well let me remind you that secret of a happy marriage still remains secret. Keep Smiling.

Dr. Kurien S. Thomas is a certified & qualified Clinical Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Counsellor, Life Coach, Registered Medical Practitioner in Alternative Medicines & YogaTherapist. He has completed M.S, M.D (Doctor of Medicine in Alternative Medicines), certified & qualified Yoga Therapist from University of Mumbai, Founder and Executive Director of EFFECTIVE LIVING CLINIC and creator of K Yoga Therapy. He is registered with Indian Board of Alternative Medicines, which is recognized by the W.H.O (World Health Organisation) and U.N (United Nations). 

The biggest beauty blunders

That red hair on the model looks good just on her. Know yourself before being adventurous with looks.Most of us have undergone some beauty blunder either while experimenting something on ourselves or while being a victim of a negligent beautician. The results obviously are disastrous. Listed below are some of the common beauty blunders and ways to avoid them.

Wrong hair colour: Buying a hair colour just because it looks good on the model does not mean that it will look good on you as well. You might just end up looking like a fool, so be very careful while selecting a hair colour. Go to a professional for help and he/she will be able to help you out with which colour suits you best.

Bleaching mistakes: Bleach is a strong product, so remember not to keep it longer than what has been said. You migt just end up spoiling your hair or skin.

Homemade beauty masks: Even though they are natural and home-made with no chemicals involved, you just never know what might cause a rash on your skin. When such a thing happens take a washcloth soaked in milk and apply on the irritated skin. This will reduce the irritation.

Ugly tan: A lot of people tend to put a self tanner. If you do not have some sort of practice, the tan might not come out the way you wanted. What you cando is massage mineral or baby oil into your skin to dissolve the self-tanner, then use an exfoliator.

Waxing mistakes: Hot wax or just a strip up or down can be really painful. Hot wax can damage skin and leave ugly.

Tips to overcome alcohol addiction syndrome

- Dr. Kurien S. Thomas, Effective Living Clinic, Vashi, Navi Mumbai : Rejuvenate

The thought to stop drinking itself shows that you have realised that consuming alcohol is no more a habit but a syndrome. Alcoholism not only takes toll on your physical health and mind it also disturbs your surrounding; thus creating a nuisance to the people around. Regular uncontrolled consumption of alcohol does leads you to diabetes, heart ailments, cholesterol, obesity, arthritis, nervous disorder and the list go on. Getting into this syndrome was not a choice but accident. There were many reasons that lead you into it. To understand it better reach out to a Counselor who could help you in identifying the various reasons that could have lead you in it and follow his/her instructions carefully to get out of this unpleasant behaviour. It is not impossible but does require enough motivation, courage and will power to say ‘NO’ to drinking alcohol. 

1. Only you can help

There is none who can help you to get rid of this syndrome but you yourself. If you trust in yourself then you can.

2. Seek professional help

Psychotherapist & Counselors can only guide you, but it’s you who has to strive hard to get out of it. Family members too have to be counselled on the ways and tips to help their loved ones to get out of this addiction. An advice to family members is never leave those addicted with alcohol on a neglected note but lead them with enough patience to get them, back on track. Good will power is essential along with motivation to help you get over it.

3. Get motivated

Discover non addictive motivational techniques to help you channelize your way out of alcoholism. You could chew some candies or strawberries when you get sensation to sip some alcohol. There are various other options that you could try out to get enough motivation. Involve your family members in this process.

4. No short cuts

There are no short cuts in getting out of alcohol addiction syndrome. It is not an instant change but a gradual process in getting this syndrome under check. Medication under guidance of a registered medical practitioner has to be administered as prescribed by them under the advice to withdraw medication. Seek support of your family members who are the real source of help to get you out of it. Involve them to help you take medical assistance on timely basis so that you get enough support.

5. Change your life style
Change in life style is very essential to make those addicted with alcohol to lead a life of positive change. A total detoxification is very essential both in physical and emotional self. If you want to stop drinking, stay away from people you used to hang around. These are your drinking buddies that can influence your motivation. Tell them that you are committed to quit drinking and you are staying sober. You should also talk to your parents and family regarding your decision to stop drinking alcohol. They are the people that can really help you with your endeavours. They will support and help you to stop drinking because they know it is the best thing you should do. They will give you the inspiration as well.Just as you begin the journey of stopping drinking alcohol, let yourself be ready to all the consequences and negative effects that you will meet along the way. They are obstacles that can easily destroy your willpower and end up a looser. You should not give up but stand up to make a difference. Your life depends on your decision to stop drinking and maintain sobriety so be sure to make it a better and a positive one. There are many ways to stop drinking alcohol and beat alcoholism. Please continue trying to stop drinking on your own and I am sure you can beat alcohol addiction. K Yoga therapy does have innovative techniques to help you get a healthier body and mind. Try to follow the tips mentioned above to bring positivism in your life.

Dr. Kurien S. Thomas is a certified & qualified Clinical Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Counsellor, Life Coach, Registered Medical Practitioner in Alternate Medicines & YogaTherapist. He has completed M.S, M.D (Doctor of Medicine in Alternative Medicines), certified & qualified Yoga Therapist from University of Mumbai, Founder and Executive Director of EFFECTIVE LIVING CLINIC and creator of K Yoga Therapy. He is registered with Indian Board of Alternative Medicines, which is recognized by the W.H.O (World Health Organisation) and U.N (United Nations).

Veg diet can help keep toxins away

Sticking to vegetables for five days a week can significantly reduce the body's amount of antibiotics and phthalates - a common chemical added to plastics - says a new research.

To come up with the conclusion, researchers in Korea quizzed participants to stay at a Buddhist temple for five days, during which time they ate a vegetarian diet.

The researchers analyzed urine samples before and after the stay, and found that levels of the chemicals dropped dramatically by the end of the experiment, reports Discovery News.

The boffins also measured the participants' diets before the study and found that what they ate 48 hours prior to the study was related to the amount of the chemicals found in their urine.

"A significant correlation was found between food consumption and the urinary levels of several antibiotics and phthalates," they said. "Although the exposure to target compounds might be influenced by other behavioral patterns, these results suggest that even short-term changes in dietary behavior may significantly decrease inadvertent exposure to antibiotics and phthalates and hence may reduce oxidative stress levels."

15 mins exercise extends life by 3 years

Source: Times of India

 

 

As  less as 15 minutes of exercise everyday can extend your life by as much as three years, a new research has found. Taiwanese researchers examined more than 400,000 study participants in a 12-year period, where patients self-reported their weekly exercise regimen and were then placed in one of five groups: inactive, low, medium, high or very high exercise activity.

The study found that people in the low-exercise group, who spent 15 minutes on fitness per day, reduced their risk of dying from cancer by 10 per cent and had a three-year longer life expectancy than the inactive group.

"The 30-minute a day for five or more days a week has been the golden rule for the last 15 years, but now we found even half that amount could be very beneficial," ABC News quoted Dr Chi-Pang Wen, lead author of the study, as saying.

With every additional 15 minutes of exercise per day, participants reduced their risk of dying from cancer by another 1 per cent, the research found.

Researchers found the benefits went on growing for up to 100 minutes of exercise a day.

Men and women of all ages shared the benefits, including those at risk of heart disease.

The research report said: "If inactive individuals engage in low-volume daily exercise, one in six all-cause deaths could be postponed."

 

Telltale signs of a sex addict

Source: Times of India

Do you also fall in this category? Read on to find out... 

With so many cases coming in the limelight about sex addicts, one surely needs to know and understand when a person falls into this category. There have been famous cases where homes and families have got destroyed because of the same. 
What is Sex Addiction? 
It is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. While some expert say that it is a mental disorder while others say it is a personality disorder which exists, trashing the reports of those sexologists, who say that there is nothing like this. 
People who fall under this category engage in distorted thinking and risks by getting into dangerous sexual flings despite knowing the dangerous repercussions. 
Here are some signs which tell you where you stand:

1. Double standards:

 Most of the times without realizing, the person starts living a secret sex life. You become a compulsive cheater, go to strip clubs and watch loads of pornography. 

2. Personal relations getting strained: The person just cannot manage his major relationships with ease. There are loads of lies and another side to the person. 

3. Risks are fun: Taking risks like trying to be overtly intimate at public places or in fact trying to have sex where you could end up in legal issues. It gives you a high. 

4. Feeling guilty: Even though living their double life is fun for them, but when guilt sets in they go in a complete reclusive mode and blame themselves often bordering depression. 

5. Constant look-out for sex toys: So kinky is the way they always think like. Something new, something weird gets them going. But hold on, your partner might not approve with a lot of sex toys you want to use during your act. Your mind might always be preoccupied with these thoughts. 

6. Keep law at bay: You can get into serious trouble with the law because of your risky behavior. Getting caught in compromising positions at the wrong places is not only embarrassing but will also tarnish your reputation. 

7. Intrusive sex: This is one of the most visible signs of a sex addict. Intrusive sex is touching people here and there in a sexual manner where there is no physical intercourse and the other person is completely unwilling or at times not even aware. 

8. Fantasizing someone: While fantasizing someone is common, obsessing about someone is not. This will surely affect your daily functioning and other activities putting you in a tight spot. 

9. Irresponsible sex: When involved with multiple partners, there should be some responsibility with respect to the protection that is used. With STDs spreading at an alarming rate, the least you can do is be truthful to the person. 
Expert talk 
Sexologist, Dr Dhananjay Gambhire feels that it is acceptance by the person which is the first step to the get out of this situation, "A person will keep indulging in these pleasurable activities till the time they are caught. They will just not change their behaviour till the time they come under the scanner. His/her partner's support and motivation are definitely required in such a situation. More than often experts are required in such situations. There are medicines that are given to control your sexual behaviour and they do help a lot."