- Dr. Kurien S. Thomas, Effective Living Clinic, Vashi, Navi Mumbai - Rejuvenate
Marriage is said to be made in Heaven but then where does then divorce come from? I am sure nobody gets married for a divorce. Many people sometimes do not want to enter divorce but are forced to either due to family pressure or from friends who misguide to the ultimatum without thinking pros and cons of divorce. Hence, in my practice I have found that people enter divorce to please somebody they confide in more than their spouse. It is heartening to know that true love does not exist among spouses that give room for others to peep in to create vacuum between couples. There can be many reasons to claim that divorce in the right choice in a particular relationship but many times we do not rethink or look for possibilities that can save a marriage. The responsibility to save a marriage lies solely in the hands of married spouses in that particular relationship. Once a lady said; every time I find Mr Right my husband scares him away. It is equal responsibility of a husband and a wife to keep marital chord intact.
Albert Einstein once said: ‘Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.’
For many people divorce is too hard to deal with though it is not an immediate decision but something you see coming in the long way. Factors such as feeling of helplessness, frustration, anger, sadness, loneliness, sleeplessness and above all guilt seeps into the minds of the couple thus making room from depression and stress. Whatever may the reason be, both spouses do face depression to some extent. You cannot live with such negative feelings but try to give your life a meaning.
Never put yourself down, let the bygones be bygones and do not compare with others. Do not forget to laugh and make your surroundings positive enough to feel comfortable. When you feel out of control, reach out to someone who can help you genuinely or rush to a counselor.
Few tips to handle depression during divorce:
1. Talk:
Try to talk about your feelings about divorce to someone with whom you can confide with utmost secrecy.
Talk to your parents, children and others who are too close to you about your decision. Perhaps they can
help you. There have been cases where talk between spouses helped them to sort out their differences. (Mature approach is needed to handle it this way). Never try to come to conclusion quickly. Try to talk to your spouses in sentences rather than in paragraphs.
2. Seek help:
Counselors are the best source to seek help as they would look into all angles of your case helping you to find out an optimum solution to your existing problem. There have been cases where discussions with counsellor along with your spouse helped in reunion (Best option). Honourable court too would love to see patch-ups instead of divorce.
3. Diet:
There is no special diet for those facing divorce proceedings. It is important to note that you need to hydrate well so that your body has enough fluid to keep it hydrated well. Eat fresh fruits and nuts to keep your energy level up. Do not much on junk as they make you feel loaded but lots of unwanted calories leading to health issues. Consult your physician to add few supplements to balance your body requirements.
4. Work it out:
Apart from trying to work-out a solution to save your marriage, which could be egoistic but certainly worth letting it go to enjoy mutual consent to reunion, you have to work out your physical body to keep it fit. Try to walk, cycle, swim, hit the gym or try yoga to remain healthy. Try to meditate, think positively for positive outcomes so that you get to think in all direction when reaching out for solutions.
5. Engage yourself:
It is read idle mind is devil’s workshop. Try to engage yourself in some social activity or develop hobbies that can
keep you busy and help you to channelize your energy levels in the right direction.
In a symposium on health, a married man said it is not true that married men live longer than single men…it just seems longer.
Well let me remind you that secret of a happy marriage still remains secret. Keep Smiling.
Dr. Kurien S. Thomas is a certified & qualified Clinical Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Counsellor, Life Coach, Registered Medical Practitioner in Alternative Medicines & YogaTherapist. He has completed M.S, M.D (Doctor of Medicine in Alternative Medicines), certified & qualified Yoga Therapist from University of Mumbai, Founder and Executive Director of EFFECTIVE LIVING CLINIC and creator of K Yoga Therapy. He is registered with Indian Board of Alternative Medicines, which is recognized by the W.H.O (World Health Organisation) and U.N (United Nations).
