A Shift of Mind

Source: Psychology Today

The institution of marriage often falls short of its promise. Marriage is designed to be - at least in modern Western times - a structure to foster and secure loving feelings to enhance each other's life. On a practical note, it is also intended as a foundation for family structure and to facilitate and expedite our life experience. Certainly we might agree that the purpose of marriage ought to be to enhance one's life. Yet this supposition meets with an incredible rate of disappointment, if not outright failure. Ironically, marriage often becomes the justification for people's unhappiness.

The fact that more than fifty percent of marriages end in divorce is actually the lesser of the problem. The greater difficulty lies in the fact that the majority of intact marriages are far from joyful. And many people regrettably live out their lives that way.

Divorce, although tumultuous and potentially scarring, at least provides the possibility of better days. Remaining in the lethargy of an unhappy marriage, dulled by the absence of a more hopeful vision, can be downright depressing. And yet, so many people resign themselves to such lives.

Many people in such relationships merely give up and don't work on improving their relations. Yet, they stay stuck to a fear of divorce. I am by no means glibly promoting divorce but advocating, however, that we do everything in our power to awaken our relationships and live more meaningfully. Let's take a deeper look at this dilemma.

The Fear Factor

Fear is the greatest impediment to growth in our lives. Very often, people are literally afraid of sharing their true feelings with their partners. This range of fear may run the gamut: the fear of divorce and its incumbent anxieties or simply the avoidance of coming to terms with a relationship that may be lacking in intimacy, passion or respect. Another poignant fear is simply the anxiety of being alone. When you stay married out of fear, the emotional paralysis that pervades further poisons the relationship. Staying together out of resignation - due to fear - results in an enigmatic dilemma. Such people won't consider divorce, and yet they are convinced that their marriage won't improve, so they don't work on the relationship. This is the worst of all possible scenarios. They are literally caught between the proverbial rock and the hard place.

If you find yourself in this place, it's essential that you address your fears. The fear of divorce paradoxically eliminates any chance of improvement in the relationship. It produces a state of inertia, and the ensuing stagnation and frustration make mediocre marriages even worse. They can become imprisoning.

If we can work through the fears around separation, then we are electing to stay in the marriage not from fear but from choice. 

This alone begins to unburden the chronic state of unhappiness, and genuine marital therapy may begin. In other words, processing the fear of divorce is not necessarily for the purpose of divorcing; it is for the purpose of clarity. Am I staying married for the wrong reasons?

Fear filters our perceptions and participates in constructing our reality. The ways in which you see your partner are very much informed by your emotions, particularly anger. This anger may have arisen in part because you're feeling mired in a hopeless relationship.

Getting unstuck permits you to either create a healthier relationship or to move forward. Either choice may be preferable to remaining unhappy without a glimmer of hope. Fear should not be a factor in your choice. Ultimately, the question is how much happiness you deserve in your life. It is not selfish to deserve happiness. In fact, to forgo your own contentment becomes a model of unhealthy self-sacrifice for your children - who will likely suffer in their own self-esteem by having parents who betrayed their own fulfillment.

For the Sake of the Children

One prevailing theme related to fear of divorce is that the act of divorce, in and of itself, will damage the children. People research multiple studies to substantiate this concern. By all means such an upheaval in our children's lives should not be taken lightly. Divorce needs to be well considered, and navigating the children through this process should be undertaken with insight, reflection and empathy.

Yet, very few people consider the consequences of children growing up in unhappy yet intact homes, as they witness conflicted, unloving and uncooperative parental relations. Children tend to model what they see in their parents' relations. Certainly, as parents we want better for our kids. Yet, the likelihood is that such children will incline toward similar marriages. Worse still, many parents claim their kids really don't know anything is wrong with the marriage. The irony is that they will therefore normalize what may be a mediocre, disappointing or conflicted marriage. At least the kids ought to know that the marriage is indeed falling short of the mark. In that way, they can note the failure and aim higher for themselves when they come of age.

Is this the legacy we want for our children? To be the best we can be as parents we need to model a level of authenticity in our lives. One in which we face our challenges and struggles and don't succumb to fear. Isn't that what we'd want for them? If you choose to stay married, commit to the process and model that commitment for your children. If your marriage precludes the opportunity for happiness, have the courage to face your fears. Let's not claim that we're protecting our children by exposing them to unhealthy relations. We need to face our fears, embrace them and choose to stay married from a healthy place of growth and hopefulness, not succumb to the deprivation of a joyless life.

The benefits of stretching

Source: Times of India

Stretching will improve appearance, flexibility, health, and overall performance. First, warm-up for 5-10 minutes at a low intensity (such as the elliptical machine, exercise bike, or treading mill) and stretch the muscles used.

If your workout time allows it, a cardiovascular exercise for at least 20 minutes at a faster pace is recommended. Then, a 5-10 minute cool down at low intensity should be completed. cool down for 5-10 minutes at a low intensity (50-60 per cent of your maximum heart rate). Now that you've warmed up, you should stretch every major muscle group.

Why should you stretch?
It builds bigger, better-quality muscles.

Stretching helps prevent postural problems.

It results in far less muscle-pulling overextension injuries compared to not stretching.

Simple stretches increase range of motion.

It improves muscle appearance.

Flexibilty exercises help prevent overuse injuries from occuring.

Stretching gives you more flexibility, which prevents soreness, allowing for faster recovery and better muscle growth.

Stretching allows for a more active lifestyle later in life.

It invigorates the circulatory, respiratory and neuromuscular systems.

Don't neglect your feet

Source: Times of India

You spend hours on end in front of the mirror admiring your beautiful face and thinking how to make it more beautiful. Every time there is a new beauty enhancing product in the market, you just can't wait to grab it.

But how much importance would you give to other parts of the body? Say, the feet? The feet area is perhaps the most neglected part of the human body. Even when we shop, foot care products definitely don't figure among the list! The result: painful and cracked heels! One shouldn't forget that feet too is a vital organ in the body considering it takes your entire body weight and gives you a balance to smoothly carry out any activity. Picture this: you are all decked up with a flawless beautiful face and wearing your best skirt/gown. But your heels are cracked! How does it look? It's best ensure you are clean and clear from head to toe!

Here are some tips for healthy feet:

- First and foremost, keep them clean. As much as you care for your body, do the same for your feet too. When having shower, spend a minute on scrubbing your feet with the soap so it's dirt-free and the bacteria doesn't accumulate

- Clean your feet every time you remove your shoes, dry the place and keep the area moisturized

- If your heels are cracked and dirty. Then do a home pedicure at least once in two weeks. Place your feet in warm water in which a few crystal salt has been added. Once the skin on your feet gets soft, rub the sole with a pumice stone. This will remove dirt and kill bacteria. Rub a scrub on your feet and rinse with water. Pat dry and apply Vaseline or a moisturizer.

- Should you have cracked heels more often then always choose footwear that covers your heels. Never expose your heels to dust. Also, wear socks at night after cleaning and moisturizing your feet.

- You could also rub insides of used lemon on your feet to remove discolouration

- Always keep your nails trimmed and dirt-free

- Always buy shoes that are a right fit. Tight shoes causes cramps and affect the feet.

- To keep the heel area soft, apply a combination of coconut, sesame and castor oil at night

Making an impression on Ma-in-Law

Source: Times of India

Here's an incident that will grab the attention of all prospective daughter-in-laws.

UK resident Carolyn Bourne stated in an email to her son's fiancee Heidi Withers that she needed 'guidance from experts' because of her lack of manners. What manners? Apparently, Withers didn't wake up early enough while spending a weekend with her boyfriend's family and didn't write a 'thank you' letter to the would-be mother-in-law! The incident became an internet sensation after the letter went viral. Meeting prospective in-laws is a daunting task for any woman. But you can get it right. Here's how.

Don't try to be someone else
Your future mother-in-law is bound to be guarded as you are the 'new woman' in her son's life. She wants the best for him, so she'll definitely size you up. Avoid faking an accent or trying to be someone else.

Don't show you are nervous
Being nervous is natural. However, it helps if you appear confident with a good posture. Don't shy away from making eye contact with your mother-in-law.

Skip embarrassing incidents
As this is the first time you're meeting, avoid talking about family problems like property fights and narrating embarrassing incidents.

Wait and watch
Ameeta Shanghavi Shah, a relationship expert, says, "It's best to wait and watch. Be a listener rather than a talker. Don't be confrontational and avoid arguments. Ask questions so you can get to know your mother-inlaw better. Be warm, friendly, courteous and appreciative of the efforts of your hostess. If you think you are not comfortable with the line of questions, change the track of the conversation rather than being rude."

Dress right for the occasion
Wear something comfortable and not too revealing. A low-cut dress will immediately put an elderly person off, conservative or liberal. Basic etiquette can go a long way in making a good first impression according to clinical psychologist Dr Seema Hingorrany. "Don't be flashy or garish with your choice of clothes or make-up.Take something for your mother-in-law, she is bound to remember the courtesy," she says.

Dating Advice When Dating Men

Source: Dating Men Guide

The word ‘dating’ means ‘the act of engagement between two individuals’. Dating is a social activity in which couples, individuals, and groups communicate with each other to further continue their relationship. Dating also refers to the act in which two people come closer for romance and sexual coupling.

Dating advice for women are somewhat different from men. It would be better to acquaint yourself with these dating tips first before adventuring out on a date with a man.

General Dating Tips:

• Always look your best, as you could meet Mr. Right anywhere, anytime. Be simple, but elegant, as some men don’t like too much make-up. Dress smartly, in which you look thin with light lipstick. That can turn his head.
• Don’t reveal all of your secrets on the first date, as men like oracular women.
• If you meet a handsome person and from day one you start liking him, then don’t wait for him to come first.
• Don’t continue your relationship with men who show insecurity and possessiveness from the first date.
• If you desire a child in the future, don’t mention it on the first few dates.
• If you want to continue your relationship with him, then don’t dare criticize his mother.
• Don’t talk too much on the first few dates just to impress a man.
• Never receive his phone calls, nor be available when he wants you to be after the first few dates. But don’t repeat this often as this may end your relationship.
• Don’t prolong the dates when dating men. Keep it brief to maintain the charm of the relationship, so that he may be more interested in you.
• In dating, it is on him to pay the bill.
• Be compassionate and show interest in him if you want to continue the relationship.
• Most important among dating tips for women; regarding previous dates, or past relationships, avoid mentioning them. This may create irritation in him if he is a sensitive person.
• Don’t show a desperate nature in dating, as men like women who appear hard to get.
• Always keep your man waiting as this will increase bonding.
• Don’t be eager to rush into a sexual relationship. Make him prove his love for you before you get intimate.

Keep your brain sharp with these simple tips

Every day you wake up, you can either "use it or lose it." Your brainpower, that is. Cognitive abilities such as concentration, attention, memory, hearing and motor coordination, and executive functions like planning and multitasking deteriorate over the time unless used regularly.

Scientist used to think that the brain stopped growing and developing after a certain age — that a person had a finite brain capacity — until it would eventually deteriorate once the person reached old age. We now know that’s not true. In fact, current scientific research shows that what used to be considered “normal” memory loss as a result of aging (called age-related cognitive decline) is not necessarily normal at all. You can actually stimulate the brain and increase your brain capacity, or at least not lose any gray matter, throughout your life.

The ability of the brain to change and form new connections is a concept called brain plasticity, or neuroplasticity. It is greatly influenced — for better and worse! — by the foods you eat, getting enough (and the right kind of) exercise, being engaged socially, limiting stress and challenging your brain intellectually to learn new things. 

Here are five simple things you can do to keep your brain sharp. 

1. Keep learning! Keep your mind motivated and your brain active in any field that makes you constantly learn: reading, problem solving, brain fitness exercises, learning a language, playing an instrument or a memory game.

2. Exercise your brain by exercising your body with challenging movements. Exercise boosts brainpower on multiple fronts: it increases heart rate which helps pump more oxygen to your brain and it releases hormones which both control stress and help stimulate new brain cells and the formation of new connections. Studies have shown that the exercises that benefit your brain the most are those that call on multiple skills such as coordination, rhythm and strategy.

Here are three moves that challenge your brain and motor network, the group of nerve cell connections that help you move. (Want more? Try these three brain-boosting exercises.) Do this circuit daily:

• Raise your left arm overhead while lifting your right knee up to your chest. Repeat with your right arm and left leg. Repeat the entire set 10 times.

• Clap your hands overhead while raising your right leg. Repeat, raising your left leg.

• Balance on one leg closing both eyes. Hold for 10 seconds. Then repeat with the opposite leg. (This works your proprioceptors — sensors that provide information about joint angle, muscle length and muscle tension, which gives your brain a sense of your body position in space.)

At the very least, make sure you get some cardiovascular exercise daily. Even just 15 or 20 minutes of brisk walking daily will help your brain (and your heart!).

3. Feed your brain. Eating can influence your brain in a powerful way. The best brain foods are those high in antioxidants and brain-boosting omega-3 fatty acids, and low in sugar and refined carbs. Make sure these five great brain foods are part of your diet: berries, salmon, walnuts, leafy greens and avocado.

4. Be a social butterfly. Keep yourself socially active and make sure you are surrounded by great friends. You can join a book club, walking club or a gym. Research has shown that maintaining strong, meaningful relationships not only helps fight off depression, which can impair cognition, but social interaction actually stimulates the brain.

5. Mediate daily. Chronic and acute, high stress, which most people today face in their daily lives, impairs memory and concentration. Meditation helps reduce stress and increase oxygen flow to the brain. Practice daily meditation to achieve a powerful, calmer mind and a more focused brain.

Life is about choices and choosing the right health program is really important for you. Your best days are yet to come!