The phrase 'forgive and forget' is easily uttered by many, but when it actually comes to doing the deed many of us shy away from it realising that we are incapable of being that generous with someone who has hurt us deeply.
However, giving into guilt or societal expectations we sometimes go ahead and make a half-hearted apology, which does more harm than good. We tell you why you should avoid making toxic apologies.
Half-hearted apologies breed resentment If you make a half-hearted apology and have not truly forgiven the person, you are still likely to hold on to the hurt feelings, which will eventually breed resentment.
Judgment is a slow poison If you let the resentment simmer at the bottom of your heart, at some point you lose all objectivity, you begin to judge the person and may not necessarily be objective about the situation which will only kill the relationship in the long run.
Token apologies set a negative pattern This type of an apology relies a lot on defenses, explanations and excuses, which can become toxic because they wind up creating a form of unexpressed inner permission to offend again. It's a trap that we end up falling in and find it hard to come out of.
It dents your wall of trust No individual is a fool and will either see what your apology really means straight away or will wisen up to it at some point in time, and from then on will not take your words or actions seriously. Thus leading to the fall of the wall of trust that your relationship is based on. Hence, it is better to have an honest chat with the person rather than make a token apology.
You will vent at some point The frustration of keeping up appearances is likely to get to you at some point. You cannot keep your feelings locked up inside for a very long time. Something is bound to trigger an explosion and this may lead to a flare up between you and the individual and a nasty scene could follow.
However, giving into guilt or societal expectations we sometimes go ahead and make a half-hearted apology, which does more harm than good. We tell you why you should avoid making toxic apologies.
Half-hearted apologies breed resentment If you make a half-hearted apology and have not truly forgiven the person, you are still likely to hold on to the hurt feelings, which will eventually breed resentment.
Judgment is a slow poison If you let the resentment simmer at the bottom of your heart, at some point you lose all objectivity, you begin to judge the person and may not necessarily be objective about the situation which will only kill the relationship in the long run.
Token apologies set a negative pattern This type of an apology relies a lot on defenses, explanations and excuses, which can become toxic because they wind up creating a form of unexpressed inner permission to offend again. It's a trap that we end up falling in and find it hard to come out of.
It dents your wall of trust No individual is a fool and will either see what your apology really means straight away or will wisen up to it at some point in time, and from then on will not take your words or actions seriously. Thus leading to the fall of the wall of trust that your relationship is based on. Hence, it is better to have an honest chat with the person rather than make a token apology.
You will vent at some point The frustration of keeping up appearances is likely to get to you at some point. You cannot keep your feelings locked up inside for a very long time. Something is bound to trigger an explosion and this may lead to a flare up between you and the individual and a nasty scene could follow.
