Six months back you were reclining in your living room with a book in your hand and lip syncing late Jagjit Singh's ghazals.
Today, you're in a room full of rockers who are headbanging on some Iron 'god-knows-what' Maiden's song. Is this the change you've noticed past being in love with that smart man who loves to rocka rolla? Have you lost your identity because of the person you love? Do you not associate with the real you anymore just because of the so-called special person in your life?
Well, we have a term for people who are similar to you in this aspect; a relationship chameleon.
Clinical psychologist and traumatologist Seema Hingoranny says, "This is a relevant issue as a lot of people come to me with a similar concern after their breakup. People end up being quite like their partner while in a relationship, so much so that they forget where their interest lies."
Why a change of colour when in love?
While we'd say, the most likely reasons are insecurity and low self esteem, we ask experts to throw light on the same. Clinical Psychologist Mansi Hassan says, "The notion of love is to give unconditionally. One of the partner starts giving in a lot and tends to become more passive. And yes, it's true, most people fear rejection and are insecure of losing their partners, so they start liking everything their partner likes."
And are women more of a relationship chameleon than men? The experts agree. Hassan says that most women come up with these issues than men do. It's more after a relationship is over that women weep about losing their identity for their man. Hingoranny says, "People give in too much to a relationship not knowing that they're in a dysfunctional one. Also, the relationship becomes such where one acts like a puppet and the other a puppeteer. This ends in the dominating one taking the other for granted. It is important to realise that any relationship is not just about nurturing but about give and take."
So this whole idea of pleasing your partner is abnormal? Hassan says, "When someone falls in love with you, they fall in love with the qualities you possess. But once the other partner acts like a relationship chameleon (so they will be accepted), things change. So the reasons why someone fell in love with you itself, changes. Thus instead of pleasing your partner, you have just allowed him/her to lose interest in you."
Hence a relationship chameleon is at a loss both ways, not only do they lose their partner behaving this way but also lose their identity.
Today, you're in a room full of rockers who are headbanging on some Iron 'god-knows-what' Maiden's song. Is this the change you've noticed past being in love with that smart man who loves to rocka rolla? Have you lost your identity because of the person you love? Do you not associate with the real you anymore just because of the so-called special person in your life?
Well, we have a term for people who are similar to you in this aspect; a relationship chameleon.
Clinical psychologist and traumatologist Seema Hingoranny says, "This is a relevant issue as a lot of people come to me with a similar concern after their breakup. People end up being quite like their partner while in a relationship, so much so that they forget where their interest lies."
Why a change of colour when in love?
While we'd say, the most likely reasons are insecurity and low self esteem, we ask experts to throw light on the same. Clinical Psychologist Mansi Hassan says, "The notion of love is to give unconditionally. One of the partner starts giving in a lot and tends to become more passive. And yes, it's true, most people fear rejection and are insecure of losing their partners, so they start liking everything their partner likes."
And are women more of a relationship chameleon than men? The experts agree. Hassan says that most women come up with these issues than men do. It's more after a relationship is over that women weep about losing their identity for their man. Hingoranny says, "People give in too much to a relationship not knowing that they're in a dysfunctional one. Also, the relationship becomes such where one acts like a puppet and the other a puppeteer. This ends in the dominating one taking the other for granted. It is important to realise that any relationship is not just about nurturing but about give and take."
So this whole idea of pleasing your partner is abnormal? Hassan says, "When someone falls in love with you, they fall in love with the qualities you possess. But once the other partner acts like a relationship chameleon (so they will be accepted), things change. So the reasons why someone fell in love with you itself, changes. Thus instead of pleasing your partner, you have just allowed him/her to lose interest in you."
Hence a relationship chameleon is at a loss both ways, not only do they lose their partner behaving this way but also lose their identity.
Effective Living Clinic
B-3/19, 0:1, Sector 3, Vashi
Navi Mumbai 400703
Tel: 9987223811 / 9969105310
www.effectivelivingclinic.com
