How playing on someone's body image and constantly criticising them for the way they look, and carry themselves, can take a toll on your relationship in the long run Melissa D'costa
Recently an online dating service was in the news for using the photo of a scantily clad obese model (languishing suggestively) to promote its site. The site was in the news for helping to arrange online affairs for married people from USA, UK, Canada and Ireland. The promotional material encouraged men to cheat on their overweight wives and was slammed by the model for body shaming and promoting infidelity. However is there a connection between the two?
We look at how being picked on for the way you look, can weigh down your relationship.
The fat quotient
Sunita Tiwari, a housewife, shares her experiences on how being overweight made her feel inferior and affected her relationship with her husband. She says, "After marriage, I put on a few extra kilos and before I knew it I had all these extra pounds weighing me down. My husband who adored me before marriage, had been avoiding me. I felt like I was losing him and looking at myself in the mirror just made me more depressed. Looking back, I realise that it's important to work on yourself and not take things for granted. While it's okay to want someone to love you for what you are, it's also important to look and feel attractive for yourself."
Body shaming is not only limited to those who are overweight it also extends to include people who are underweight. Rachita Shah, who works in the glamour industry, adds, "I have been blessed with a good face but have had to work at maintaining the way I look. My job demands that I watch my weight. My boyfriend often remarks about me not having enough body mass and how it would make me more feminine. I feel stressed out and I am very conscious about my body image."
Why adultery is not the solution...
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, and in an ideal world looks would not really matter. However, we cannot deny that it's one of the things that attracts and holds our interest. So, what do you do, when the person you fell in love changes drastically over the years. Should you use that as an excuse to cheat on them?
"Definitely not," says Dr Kurien S Thomas Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist. He adds, "Adultery is not the solution but playing your cards wisely is. In a relationship looks matter but only to a certain extent. For any relationship to survive understanding, love and patience is vital. In a relationship when one person loses self-confidence due to body shaming it is the duty of the other partner to first instill confidence and make their partner comfortable. Empathise with your partner with your words and actions. Instead of comparing them to someone else, it would be wise to illustrate solutions that could make your partner feel desired. Also, encourage them to express how they feel. Criticising or comparing them to someone else is not going to solve anything and will only create more problems. It would be wise to seek professional help which could play a big role in getting desired results."
