Aggressive behaviour on road mostly stems from stress

In recent times, Navi Mumbai has witnessed incidents of rash driving, aggressive and violent road behaviour, flouting of traffic norms etc. However, this behaviour which seems like a part and parcel of our daily lives has deep psychological roots.

Deputy commissioner of police (traffic) Vijay Patil said, “The number of road rage and rash driving cases in Navi Mumbai has increased. Many times for minor incidents people tend to fight, use verbal and physical abuses, but finally resolve it and get away before traffic officials intervene”.

He believes that speeding and aggressive driving behaviour becomes a natural psychological tendency on the Palm Beach Road. “Palm Beach Road is mostly empty. So it becomes a natural tendency for the driver to accelerate. However, people must it under their control to avert accidents or mishaps,” he added.

Psychologists, on the other hand, assert the fact that such behaviour is the result of the fast paced lifestyle adopted by people. Such lifestyles, coupled with heavy doses of strain and hassles, often result in unwarranted behaviour on the road. “Aggressive behaviour on the road mostly stems out from stress. Also, when one sees other people flouting traffic norms or cutting lanes, it is psychologically obvious that one is also tempted to do so in order to gain extra minutes on the clock. Moreover, on account of absence of authorities such tendencies gain impetus. Hence, this is basically a learned form of behaviour,” Psychologist Dr Poonam Yadav said.

This kind of behaviour also depends on the level of education. Education lessens the possibility of aggressive behaviour on the roads however, it is highly subjective. Dr Kurien Thomas, clinical psychologist and counsellor, opines that one must always keep in mind the time and possible traffic. “Calmness is important. A person who is not calm over reacts to situations, thus inviting trouble. A sleep deprived person is also susceptible to irresponsible road behaviour. One must also refrain from unpleasant gestures, constant flashing of lights etc,” he said.

Most importantly, people must ensure that they drive safely. “One can take anger management which will help to ingrain the value of tolerance. One can also keep the photographs of loved ones. They will realise that they have certain obligations towards others and drive will rationally”, said Dr. Yadav.

Tips to avoid conflicts with partner

Where there is love, there's life. However, one must not forget that fights too are common in any relationship.

Conflicts are inevitable and unavoidable. There cannot be a perfect moment or there's nothing called a perfect life or perfect relationship. One must learn to live with the imperfections. However, if it happens on a regular basis life becomes a struggle. Hence it's better to work on ways to lessen them before it becomes a threat to your relationship.

Avoid ego clashes: Yes, each one is a special human being and has his own strengths and weaknesses. And it's natural to assume that we are the best. However, in a relationship remember there's a lot of sharing between two people. So whether it's good or bad, be prepared to share the credit as well as blame with the same spirit. Remember it takes two to tango.

Be diplomatic: There might arise situations where the finger clearly points towards your partner's fault. If he/she is mature enough to admit, fine. But when you know it won't happen, be diplomatic and stay cool. There's no point arguing with such a person expecting him/her to deliver an apology.

Analyze the reasons: Sometimes anger might be a result of work pressure or stress. If that is the case, try to put off the fight. The earlier you do it, the better it is. You will eventually realize there was no issue after all.

Douse the fire first: In case of a fire, first remedy would be to extinguish it rather than investigating the cause. Similarly, in a conflicting situation try and lessen the intensity of the fight by making peace. Many big fights start with a trivial reason. Hence, try not to get into an argument right away.

Give space: If you fight over a serious issue and know that it's gonna turn ugly, then it's wise to just leave the place. When emotions run high it's best not to get into an argument that leads to bitter fights. At that point in time, all you need is time and space to think over the issue. So just flee the place and come back later when both of you are calm and in a situation to settle things across the table.

Don't act in haste: Do not send furious messages or mails in a fit of rage. Wait for the right time to discuss things. Most importantly, this will also avoid any untoward incidents. For all you know, it may hurt your partner and leave a deep impact on his/her psyche.

Don't get emotional: It's natural for anyone to get hyper and lose temper during fights. However, remember it'll only spoil your health. Try as much to keep a check on your anger and solve issues peacefully.

Don't bottle up: If you or your partner is the inexpressive types, it's even more dangerous. As much as verbal fights and arguments are bad for a relationship so is non-expression. Bottling up negative feelings harms relationships. So try and solve it then and there itself without postponing. Sit down and tell your partner about how you feel, it helps a great deal to communicate.

Show you care: No matter how ugly your fight was, do try to act normal. This will erase any ill-feelings that your partner would have towards you. It's important to make the other person feel wanted and cared for.

Heard about the emotion workout?

Popeye sure makes it look easy when he grows rippling triceps with a swig of spinach.

But the process actually takes time, a whole lot of determination and not to mention, pain. Men have been gymming forever, flexing their muscles and developing those curved biceps. The activity is engaging, helps them build confidence and increases their self-esteem by a staggering percentage. It's more of a self-evaluation that the individual undergoes here. However, the question is, do men do it only for the macho factor? Is there more to working out than the mere pursuit of a Greek god bod?

Turns out, yes. Men swear by gymming to get over their worries, frustrations and even troubled relationships. Gokul Govardhan, who has been religiously visiting the gym for the last three years (without missing a day), decided to hit the gym after he was ridiculed for being scrawny. "People started calling me names because I was thin and even went to the extent of insulting me by comparing me with guys who were well-built ."

On a lighter note, Gokul states that the movie Vaaranam Aayiram inspired him a lot, especially the part where a brokendown Suriya works out fervently, transforming into a brawny hunk. "In the movie, his character says, vazhkaila ulla un kovathellam un udambula kaamikanum (whatever anger you have, take it out on your body). Gymming has helped me get rid of various anxieties and worries," he says. Anjanaa Damodharan, another fitness freak, states that when she gets angry and wants to vent it out, she hits the treadmill. "I feel at peace when I'm at the gym," she adds.

Our brain releases endorphins or 'happy hormones' when we gym. And once you are done working out, you can experience an immense sense of happiness . However, Mahesh, a trainer at a popular gym, explains that men sometimes come into the gym for all the wrong reasons. "The top reason being, the girlfriend wanted them to get a sixpack . Men over the age of 45 come to increase their sexual performance," he rues, adding, "But, workouts are the biggest stress-busters ."

Excercise to de-stress

Exercise, don't binge
Often, when we are stressed out, we overcome it by eating something sweet or comforting. Avoid that and work out instead.

Release the hulk within you
Feeling frustrated? Go for kick-boxing classes or maybe even martial arts. It's a sure-fire remedy to all your bottledup anger. Imagining the subject of your anger and then punching really helps!

Yoga and meditation
This may not work out for everyone but if you do not want to resort to vigorous forms of working out, then yoga and meditation are your best bets. They help you calm down and attain a sound mind.

Smiley stress balls
If you have seen these yellow, smiley foam balls that you get at toy stores, then you'd know what we are talking about. Carry them around with you in your handbag and squeeze when the need arises. It helps you de-stress , by facilitating blood circulation. This is a great mental workout.

Talking to your kids about sex?

Though every parent's nightmare, it's none-the-less that one ultra important conversation that every parent just has to have with their children. What? The talk about sex, puberty and sexually related nitty-gritties.

Ask any child expert and they will not be able to emphasise enough on how important it is for parents to talk to their children about sex, and at an early age itself. Why? So that the misconceptions they develop about the subject, especially from peer group conversations and information gained from the Internet and television, can indeed lead to wrong notions about sex and sexuality. Children are naturally curious about their own bodies and this curiosity is healthy and normal.

Unfortunately, talking to your tiny tots about sex is never an easy task. Moreover, it's not comfortable for any of the parties involved - parents are afraid of it and children, mortified by it. That's probably the reason why this talk is often delayed, swept under the carpet or totally ignored with many parents who instead depend on teachers to do the needful. Children are an inquisitive lot and when it comes to sex, the curiosity levels zooms up quite a few notches. Hence, one cannot turn a blind eye and hope someone else does the 'dirty work'. Parents need to be proactive in talking to their children about sex. However, if done wrongly, it can either scare your child completely or just increase their curiosity even more.

"When you're talking to your child about sex, it has to be a very clinical talk, very matter of fact. Don't use any words or phrases that may indicate that it is something dirty or a taboo act. Also, don't talk about a gender bias. Avoid sentences like 'women always do this...' or 'men always do...'," says child psychologist Bela Raja.
According to her, the kind of sex talk parents have with their children depends on the age group of the child as at each different age, different things are to be said to a child.

For a child between the age group of seven to 10 years, the sex talk should emphasise on the commitment and bonding angle. "Since this is his/her first exposure to sex, talk to your child about how sex is a natural process and a part of the body. Tell them about the beauty of relationships but don't bring up the violence or rape angle," Bela advices.

If your child is aged between 10 years to 13 years, it is the right age to describe the biological facts and of course, the emotional angle. "Link your sex talk to the biological changes that they are experiencing in their body," Bela says.

For a 15 year old, however, she says, the emphasis must be on explaining the actual act of intercourse. "More importantly, explain that sex is not something to be used for any kind of gain or as a sign of power," Bela adds.
"The most important thing when talking to your child about sex is to not make it sound like a bad thing or a taboo," says child expert, Dr Nirmala Rao. According to her, most parents feel shy about talking to their children about sex thus leading to wrong concepts. "One must remember, children are very imaginative. If the concept itself is wrong, they will either get scared about sex or extra imaginative about it. Hence, be normal and casual when talking about sex. Explain, as naturally as possible, about anatomy and the related changes," she explains.

As kids grow, so does their curiosity, especially about sex. "So when your talking to your six or seven year old about his or her private parts, don't say things like 'chee, it's dirty', 'don't touch it, it's a sin'. Instead, tell them about the functions of these parts and teach them how to keep it clean just as you would tell them to wash their hands of feet," she says.

According to her, young girls need to be told about puberty and the changes it will bring in the body. "Teach them how to differentiate between a good touch and a bad touch. But don't petrify them that every man is just out to get them. For boys, meanwhile, fathers should talk to them about sexual organs, their growth and things like night emissions. When it first happens, the child may get scared or start feeling guilty. Explain to them that it is a natural growth process," she explains.

Make the talk easier
Start early: You'll find it less awkward if you introduce the topic when your child is very young. More importantly, answer questions simply and naturally, don't beat around the bush and use complicated or cliched metaphors.

Use everyday situations to start conversations: TV programmes are often a good opportunity to initiate the talk about sex. You can also talk when you're doing an activity together like washing up, laundry, a jigsaw puzzle, etc. This makes your child feel that sex is a normal part of family life and not a taboo subject.

Use books or leaflets: Finding it too difficult to get into nitty-gritties? Get help. Book stores have plenty of material that tells you how. That apart, there are also books that you can get your child to read or that you can go through together.

Be prepared: There will be those difficult moments when your child will, in the oddest of places, demand for an explanation about something they see. Don't fumble. Instead, say something like 'That's a good question, but let's talk about it when we get home'. Also, make sure you do, don't lose out of a good opportunity.

Be truthful: Forget those old grandmother ways of talking about 'bees and birds', storks, etc. Stories like these will just confuse children.

Ask your child's opinion: Talk to your children and ask them what they think about certain sex related issues, especially if it's in the news. More than anything else, this tells give you a fair idea of how much they know and understand.

Don't shun the issue: Don't ignore it if your child asks you a sex related question. Moreover, don't get angry with them. This will give them an impression that it is not a topic to be spoken about.

Don't beat around the bush: If you don't know the answer, say so and tell them you'll find out and let them know. This is a far better option to bluffing them, they are bound to find out the truth sooner or later.

Is binge eating a mental disorder?

According to the latest draft of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ( DSM) in the American Psychiatric Association (APA), binge eating is a mental disorder.

Health professionals refer to this document to conclude whether an individual is suffering from a mental disorder or not. In the manual, binge eating shares place with grave medical conditions such as substance-related disorders, sleep disorders and anxiety disorders. But does this mean that if you chug cheese burgers, you are suffering from a clinical eating disorder? Let's find out...

Binge eating depicts a lack of control over one's eating habits, a feeling where one has no control over how much or how many times one is eating.

The top characteristics which distinguish binge eating from normal eating are:

- Eating food much more quickly than normal.
- Eating food until feeling awkwardly full.
- Consuming large amounts of food when not feeling hungry.
- Consuming food in a separate room, or in isolation so as not to feel embarrassed by the quantity or style of eating.
- A binge eater tends to feel very appalled with oneself. A deep feeling of depression or guilt lingers on after the completion of an eating spree.

Here are a few tried and tested ways to avoid binge eating:

- Distract yourself from the food and indulge in an activity you love. Rush for a warm water bath when you think food is overpowering you. Go for a nice chocolate pedicure session or may be light some nice scented candles in your room and play some light music rather than eating.
- In other times, you might find this a tad bit boring, but sip small amounts of water whenever you feel you are in the mood to indulge.
- Always choose healthy food and drink. Ensure that something healthy is always available to you, like a glass of milk, whole grain pasta, reduced fat cheddar cheese, eggs, lean meats, fruits and vegetables. These good foods will encourage fullness by keeping you energized all throughout the day.
- Trick your mind into eating something that is healthy in the middle of your binge. For example, if you start by munching on a handful of cookies, gather the strength to add a pear and nut butter in between your cookie eating act. This will switch things in your mind for a bit and will ultimately keep binge eating at bay.
- In the end, have a backup plan. Binge eating is normal. We all do it sometimes. Once a binge begins, it is difficult to control it, so stay away from triggers and avoid that in-between compulsive bite.

If your top four weaknesses in food are pizza, ice cream, deep fried snacks and chocolates, here's how to deal with them in a healthy way:

Pizza: Go for healthy topping pizza such as healthy eggplant pizza recipe and healthy mushroom and gouda pizza recipe.

Ice cream: Who doesn't love ice cream? Made from dairy products, artificial preservatives and white sugar, they only wreck your weight loss plans. Go for healthy probiotic varieties which are made using skimmed milk and light sugar substitutes.

Deep fried snacks: Replace deep friend evening or mid-morning deep fried snack temptations by eating roasted vegetables, roasted moong dal, roasted or boiled tangy channa, plain murmura.

Chocolates: Often considered healthy, too much of this deadly sin is sure to show on the luxury of your waistline. Go for dark varieties of chocolate if you want to eat one as it helps in lowering blood pressure by improving your concentration levels. Replace sweet temptations with healthy yogurt recipes, which are not only healthy but will satisfy your sweet tooth too.

Think healthy, feel healthy

With hoardings, television shows and magazine covers screaming for your attention, is it difficult to imagine just how much stress is being put on simply 'looking good?'

Everywhere you turn, the undue importance given to looking a certain way and being a certain size, is alarming health experts. While trying to appear a certain way is fine, what is even more important, is to have a positive body image.

Body image is the way we see ourselves. If one has a negative or distorted perception of their bodies, they tend to correct that in ways that may not be healthy. "The most common example is being overweight. Many women (and men), especially teenagers, think they are 'fat' and resort to unhealthy weight loss practices, which may actually do more harm than good. Eating disorders like Anorexia Nervosa are directly linked to a negative body image, and even a very thin girl may perceive herself as overweight and continue to diet to the point of losing her health. Body image is closely linked to self esteem. A positive body image translates into feeling good, more confidence, loving oneself and taking care of one's health," says Psychologist Dr Suman Bijlani

Psychologist Devaunshi Sampat says that when a person believes that their body has a flaw, it causes a negative body image. "This makes the person restricts their lifestyle, sometimes even giving up on good opportunities. They may lose out on a good job because they may lack the confidence to go for an interview because they believe they're ugly or too fat. When a person has a bad body image, resulting in a low self esteem, it impacts them more than they realise. They may never gain the confidence to do the things they love, the confidence to date, to just go out and have a good time."

Are women more self critical?
Are women over critical of their appearances? Yes, says counselling psychologist and behaviour therapist, Lajja Sanghavi-Shah. Research shows that women are over critical of their appearances. In a society where women are continuously bombarded with images of the ideal face and figure, the likelihood of having a negative body image increases. "A recent survey indicated that over 80 per cent of women over the age of 18 were unhappy with what they saw in the mirror. And most will not even see an accurate reflection. And increasing numbers of normal, attractive women, with no weight problems or clinical psychological disorders, look at themselves in the mirror and see ugliness and fat," says Lajja.

How it affects you
People who have a poor image of themselves are more likely to feel anxious, self-conscious, uncomfortable, awkward and at times even ashamed of the way they look. This influences the ease with which they relate to people making them uneasy in the company of others, especially if they perceive the opposite person to be more attractive than themselves. Thus it adversely affects a persons social relationships and the ability to make friends. A negative body image is likely to result in low self-esteem and low-confidence, which may lead to isolation, depression, anxiety, an inferiority complex and in some cases even eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. They may go on unhealthy diets and exercise excessively in the hope that they will reach their ideal body weight. They may end up becoming pre-occupied and obsessed with their appearance leading to dissatisfaction and built-up frustration.

What to do
Your mind essentially controls the way you feel about yourself.
- Stop criticising your body and start treating yourself right.
- By practicing positive affirmations, eating right and exercising your mind and in turn body will feel healthier.
- Wear clothes that you're comfortable in and which make you feel good about yourself - work with your body and not against it.
- Don't get carried away by everything you see around you. Set your own goals and standards.
- Once in a while, it is okay to pamper yourself. Go for a massage, make time for a nap, curl up with a good book, find a peaceful place outside to relax.

From couples to parents

You're all set to tread the family way and have a baby. Undoubtedly, the thought must be keeping you happy, but inevitably it might change the equations between you and your partner. Whilst you may be overjoyed at the arrival of your bundle of joy, but newer demands might strain your relationship to an unexpected extent. However, there are certain pointers that can make your transition easier as you go the family way.

Do a finance check
Shobha and Ramesh Singh were planning for a baby after three years of their marriage. Recalls Shobha, "We were quite apprehensive about starting our family. Though, we wanted the baby, but we couldn't make an estimate of the financial aspects involved. Ramesh kept telling me that we could manage, but I didn't want a situation where we would end up fighting over monetary issues. Finally, we decided to consult a family counselor."
Help at hand
Psychologist Meena Tiwari explains, "Having a baby requires figuring out the basic cost structure. It's a happy event in every couple's life and one can make the most of it only when you can adjust everything in your financial chart. Money gives you the satisfaction and security to welcome the newest member. So, don't go easy on it. Consult others who have just had a baby. Overlooking your finances will only cause traumatic pressures later on, which can be avoided with proper planning."

Health check
Bank executive, Reena Talwar speaks of her experience. "My in-laws wanted us to have a baby, but when I consulted my doctor he told me to wait a while, since I was anemic and my hemoglobin count was low. I was very scared and discussing it with my husband only led to arguments as he sided mostly with his parents. I just couldn't show him the reason for my reluctance. All this led to a lot of misunderstandings between us and I ended up hating any discussion related to children. It forced me to rethink whether I really wanted a baby after all or not."
Help at hand
According to nutritionist Radha Sharma, women should go through a complete health check-up before opting for a baby. "Both the partners must ensure they have perfect health before they go ahead. Women especially should consume a proper diet with sufficient proteins and iron supplements to ensure that the pregnancy period is smooth. Also, a proper exercise regime ensures a safe delivery. People in our country usually ignore these aspects and suffer in the long term, especially if the child is born with a weak immune system or faces congenital problems. Often they want a baby at the cost of the wife's health, which involves a risk as grave as death of the mother or the baby. And it doesn't just end there. Incase of a wrong diet or weakness, the woman may not be able to bear a child in the future too."

Family support
In the modern day, couples choose to go nuclear. However, it's always better to ensure your families' support when you decide to opt for a baby. Ravi Kulkarni, a manager with an MNC says, "My wife and I were living away from our respective parents. So, when she got pregnant, we were tensed about how to handle the pressures once the child arrives. Finally, my parents decided to come over although they did not want to shift. However, thanks to them, everything went off very smoothly."
Help at hand
Explains psychologist Aakash Verma, "Parental support plays a crucial role for expectant couples. Having a set of parents or someone close around you provides a mental security to the mother-to-be. It ensures that the woman is happy and comfortable. The psychological temperament of the pregnant woman not only affects the mother, but also the baby. The heightened hormonal activity in a pregnant woman puts her at a risk of having mood swings or going into depression. Thus having a mother-father figure lends security and strength to the often nervous couple."

Sleep your way to healthy life

They say, if you can sleep well in the night---- then half of your life's problems are solved.

Sleeping well has many health benefits. It acts as a great stress buster and it increases your productivity and efficiency.

Goodbye mood swings: With insufficient sleep during the night, many people become agitated or moody the following day. Yet, when limited sleep becomes a chronic issue, studies have shown it can lead to long-term mood disorders such as depression or anxiety. The benefits of sleep are many and it can make a difference in your quality of life. Therefore, it is vital to place a priority on getting ample, consistent sleep.

Sleep improves your memory: Are you finding it difficult to concentrate at work? Chances are that you are sleep deprived. Lack of sleep often leads to memory problems with facts, faces or even conversations. Sleeping well will help you to deal with these problems. One of the great benefits of sleep is that it allows your brain to better process new experiences and knowledge and then increasing its efficiency. So, it's wiser to just 'sleep on it' as they say.

Sleep helps repair your body: Your body produces extra protein molecules while you're sleeping that helps strengthen your ability to fight infection and stay healthy. Sleeping well strengthens your immunity system. Sleep is a great stressbuster too.

Mum-in-law is top reason why couples fight

Apart from household work and money issues, mothers-in-law remain one of the top reasons behind arguments among couples.

A survey has found that they are one of the most common causes of fights between British couples.

The poll of 2,000 adults discovered that only rows over money and disputes concerning household chores occurred more frequently than bickering about each other's relations.

The study by electronics firm Philips found that poor budgeting and a lack of savings regularly cause couples to fall out, as does women being lumbered with too many domestic duties.

The top ten reasons also included drinking habits, hoarding objects, doing the washing up, deciding what to watch on the TV and the time it takes to get ready.

Researchers also found that one in ten of us have a fight with our partner daily, while one in twenty has several fights per day.

"Couples will always argue. Even trivial things - like who looks after the TV remote, leaving wet towels on the floor and taking too long to get ready - rile us," the Daily Mail quoted spokesman Deneice Harwin as saying.

Electronic gadgets distract teen drivers

Use of electronic devices is a leading distraction for teen drivers, and girls are twice as likely as boys to use cell phones or other electronic devices while driving, a new study has found.

The study from the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety also found that teenage drivers were three times more likely to take their eyes off the road when using these devices.

In the final phase of a three-part study that used data recorders in the cars of 50 North Carolina families with a novice teenage driver, researchers examined six months of video clips for each family.

A total of 52 drivers were recorded - 38 of whom had just received their licenses, and 14 teen siblings.

In nearly 8,000 clips, electronic devices were used nearly 7 per cent of the time, accounting for more than any other distracted-driving behaviour, such as adjusting controls, eating and drinking or turning around.

And girls were the worst offenders. In video clips, they used electronic devices 7.9 per cent of the time, while boys clocked at 4 per cent.

The time of day or day of week did not affect distracted-driving behaviour.

Carol Ronis, the foundation's senior communications manager, said the study was important because car crashes remained the leading cause of death for teenagers in America. Teen car crashes are roughly four times higher than they are for adults.

"We know that teen drivers are avid users of cell phones and other technologies," she told ABC News.

"Continue the conversation with your child. Set a good example. They are always watching and modelling our behaviours," she suggested giving an advice "Keep your hands on the wheel, eyes on the road and mind on the task."