Let's face it. In today's fast-paced world, priorities keep changing all the time. Stress at work, problems at home, managing relationships, all this can take a toll on the best of men. But when it starts affecting you in the bedroom, it's time you realized you have a problem.
There are several reasons why men start losing interest in sex.
Consulting psychotherapist and counsellor Dr Minnu R Bhonsle says, "The modern day man is constantly engaged in competitive strivings, aiming to achieve and sustain the good life with more material comforts and luxuries." says Dr Bhonsle.
"This ambition, inner demand and drive to have more, cause stress hormones like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol to be released in the body continuously, building pressure on the body-mind mechanism and affecting one's sex life."
"Employers squeezing every ounce of your energy out in return for huge salaries, performance evaluations, a high pressure job environment with ruthless colleagues, crazy deadlines and targets, with the fear of being laid off constantly hovering, is a huge stressor, which takes a toll on one's sex life"
Stressors
Most men worry about whether they will be able to satisfy their partner. Such thoughts affect sexual performance. If the woman is aggressively demanding and taunting him about the lack of sex, his anxiety levels and the subsequent psychogenic impotence get aggravated.
Other stressors include loan repayments, credit card debts, subscribing to 'enjoy now pay later' schemes, explosion of consumerism and need for instant gratification.
Life brings its own set of stressors that can take a toll on one's sex life. If there is unresolved anger and resentment between a couple, if the man feels caught between family squabbles, if the health of parents or children is a matter of concern, this leaves little or no space for sexual feelings to arise.
Physical stressors like chronic illnesses, obesity, fatigue, insomnia, excessive drinking and smoking and a general lack of fitness have an adverse effect on one's sex life.
Gynaecologist Dr Suman Bijlani says, "If you're wondering what is making your man avoid physical intimacy, you need to find out what is bothering him. Stress, unrealistic expectations, monotony or even your attitude could be reasons. Are you unknowingly intimidating your partner? Do you genuinely express admiration and appreciation for him? Is your hygiene up to the mark?"
"Much as women undergo an abrupt change during menopause, some men may experience a decrease in sex drive and a general decline in energy levels in their 50s and 60s, what is known as 'andropause'," says Dr Bijlani.
Certain drugs used in the treatment of high blood pressure, epilepsy, depression, high cholesterol and others, can also be culprits. If your man shows an abrupt decrease in drive after starting a new medication, consult your doctor.
Depression can also cause loss of libido and confidence. Fertility stressors and demands of planned intercourse during the course of fertility treatment can dampen gusto, too.
Each man's sex drive may differ at different stages in life. His libido is subject to variation in response to the demands of the various events in his life, the state of his mind and your relationship. Lift off the pressure. Chill and let him relax too.
Cure
Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, Varkha Chulani says that psychosexual aspects unfortunately are rarely considered when it comes to a man's sexuality. "The importance of what a man thinks can't be emphasised enough. If a man has a nag of a wife or a pest in a partner, how can his juices flow? Instead of feeling sensuous, he's irate, dissatisfied and grumpy. Emotional well being in relationships determines to a large extent the sexual wellness.
The overall relationship needs to be examined - how does the couple relate to each other in non-sexual aspects? Is there constant strife, discord, bickering? Does the man constantly feel criticised, blamed, unappreciated. If the man is using sex as a weapon or as a tool to settle scores bring it to his notice.
"Teaching him better coping strategies and taking professional assistance may help. Keeping romance alive requires hard work. Innovating, experimenting, talking about preferences and what gets him turned on is one way. Do not have some unrealistic benchmark about how long you should last, how hard you should be or how often you should have sex. This is no competition - not with another and definitely not with you!" says Chulani.
Some dos and don'ts to cope
- Express love in non-sexual interactions. Do not pressure him.
- Communicate. Don't accuse.
- Work on yourself and the relationship. Don't feel guilty.
- Understand. Don't sympathise.
- Initiate and experiment. Don't dominate.
There are several reasons why men start losing interest in sex.
Consulting psychotherapist and counsellor Dr Minnu R Bhonsle says, "The modern day man is constantly engaged in competitive strivings, aiming to achieve and sustain the good life with more material comforts and luxuries." says Dr Bhonsle.
"This ambition, inner demand and drive to have more, cause stress hormones like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol to be released in the body continuously, building pressure on the body-mind mechanism and affecting one's sex life."
"Employers squeezing every ounce of your energy out in return for huge salaries, performance evaluations, a high pressure job environment with ruthless colleagues, crazy deadlines and targets, with the fear of being laid off constantly hovering, is a huge stressor, which takes a toll on one's sex life"
Stressors
Most men worry about whether they will be able to satisfy their partner. Such thoughts affect sexual performance. If the woman is aggressively demanding and taunting him about the lack of sex, his anxiety levels and the subsequent psychogenic impotence get aggravated.
Other stressors include loan repayments, credit card debts, subscribing to 'enjoy now pay later' schemes, explosion of consumerism and need for instant gratification.
Life brings its own set of stressors that can take a toll on one's sex life. If there is unresolved anger and resentment between a couple, if the man feels caught between family squabbles, if the health of parents or children is a matter of concern, this leaves little or no space for sexual feelings to arise.
Physical stressors like chronic illnesses, obesity, fatigue, insomnia, excessive drinking and smoking and a general lack of fitness have an adverse effect on one's sex life.
Gynaecologist Dr Suman Bijlani says, "If you're wondering what is making your man avoid physical intimacy, you need to find out what is bothering him. Stress, unrealistic expectations, monotony or even your attitude could be reasons. Are you unknowingly intimidating your partner? Do you genuinely express admiration and appreciation for him? Is your hygiene up to the mark?"
"Much as women undergo an abrupt change during menopause, some men may experience a decrease in sex drive and a general decline in energy levels in their 50s and 60s, what is known as 'andropause'," says Dr Bijlani.
Certain drugs used in the treatment of high blood pressure, epilepsy, depression, high cholesterol and others, can also be culprits. If your man shows an abrupt decrease in drive after starting a new medication, consult your doctor.
Depression can also cause loss of libido and confidence. Fertility stressors and demands of planned intercourse during the course of fertility treatment can dampen gusto, too.
Each man's sex drive may differ at different stages in life. His libido is subject to variation in response to the demands of the various events in his life, the state of his mind and your relationship. Lift off the pressure. Chill and let him relax too.
Cure
Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, Varkha Chulani says that psychosexual aspects unfortunately are rarely considered when it comes to a man's sexuality. "The importance of what a man thinks can't be emphasised enough. If a man has a nag of a wife or a pest in a partner, how can his juices flow? Instead of feeling sensuous, he's irate, dissatisfied and grumpy. Emotional well being in relationships determines to a large extent the sexual wellness.
The overall relationship needs to be examined - how does the couple relate to each other in non-sexual aspects? Is there constant strife, discord, bickering? Does the man constantly feel criticised, blamed, unappreciated. If the man is using sex as a weapon or as a tool to settle scores bring it to his notice.
"Teaching him better coping strategies and taking professional assistance may help. Keeping romance alive requires hard work. Innovating, experimenting, talking about preferences and what gets him turned on is one way. Do not have some unrealistic benchmark about how long you should last, how hard you should be or how often you should have sex. This is no competition - not with another and definitely not with you!" says Chulani.
Some dos and don'ts to cope
- Express love in non-sexual interactions. Do not pressure him.
- Communicate. Don't accuse.
- Work on yourself and the relationship. Don't feel guilty.
- Understand. Don't sympathise.
- Initiate and experiment. Don't dominate.
