How to make a relationship work

Life's equations keep changing. Sometimes, unknowingly, owing to circumstances we often tend to ignore the issues that come in the way.

Before reaching a stage where there is no other alternative but to call it a quit, giving time to think what is or what has been going wrong can help one iron out the differences in a relationship. Particularly, in a man-woman relationship, there are many factors like lack of spending quality time, inability to listen to the partner, lead to misunderstandings which may give rise to fractures otherwise not warranted in a healthy relationships.

There are certain things, which may not look as very significant factors, but when paid attention to can act as buffers which will save one's relationship.

Here is how:

1. Never look lost in things while your partner is saying something important. This may give rise to the feeling that you are least interested in listening to what he or she feels or that you don't think his/her opinion counts much in your life.

2. Ask for your partner's opinion when in doubt. But if you think the advice proves counterproductive to what your logic says, politely convey the same and explain without losing cool why you think your viewpoint will be the ideal solution for the problem.

3. Even if at the working hours, pay equal attention to the calls from your family. There must be some reason why someone very close to you wants to speak to you. If you think repeated calls come in the way of work, politely and affectionately explain why one should not do so without losing your cool.

4. Gifts, parties, hangouts, food joints are alright. But there is something more than just material pleasure. Get closer on an emotional level and see your relationship working wonders.

5. Work towards physical compatibility. One does not just enter a relationship for the sake of fun. So share your likes and dislikes on the bed and go ahead to make it a wonderful experience.

Have proper sleep for healthy weight

Impairments to a gene known to be responsible for our internal body clocks, called 'Rev-Erb alpha', leads to excessive weight gain and related health problems, according to a new study.

The report by French scientists provides new insights into the importance of proper alignment between the body's internal timing and natural environmental light cycles to prevent or limit excessive weight gain and the problems this weight gain causes.

"It is now clear that impairment of daily rhythms such as shift-work, exposure to artificial lighting, or jet-lag has multiple adverse effects on human health, every effort should be made to maintain or restore normal temporal organization and to avoid potentially disruptive behaviors such as nocturnal meals or light exposure at night," said Etienne Challet, Ph.D., a researcher involved in the work from the Department of Neurobiology of Rhythms at the Institute of Cellular and Integrative Neurosciences at the University of Strasbourg in Pascal, France,

To make this discovery, Challet and colleagues studied two groups of mice. One group was normal and the other group lacked the Rev-Erb alpha gene. In the mice lacking the Rev-Erb alpha gene, it was determined that they became obese and hyperglycaemic even if they ate the same quantity of food at the same time as normal mice.

Further scientific investigation showed that when the Rev-Erb alpha-deficient mice were compared to the normal mice, there was a major difference in the way Rev-Erb alpha-deficient mice metabolized the food they ate.

The Rev-Erb alpha deficient mice created much more fat than the normal mice, and this occurred specifically during the feeding period. Additionally, the Rev-Erb-alpha deficient mice relied less on carbohydrate stores when at rest.

"The phrase 'sick and tired' could never be more true," said Gerald Weissmann, M.D., Editor-in-Chief of journal.

"This research shows that we evolved to live in synch with the natural light and dark cycles of our planet. Strasbourg has long taught us the finer aspects of cuisine; its scientists now explain how night and day can influence whether we are fat or lean," Weissmann added.

The study has been published online in the FASEB Journal.

Why must you drink water

Regular intake of water is essential for maintaining good health

Most of us know that up to seventy per cent of the total body weight is due to water. Although it is present in all parts of the body, it is more present in organs such as lungs and brain and fluids such as blood, lymph, saliva and secretions by the organs of the digestive system. The common belief is that we feel thirsty only when our body needs water.

While this is true, recent research studies have indicated that there are several other indicators of inadequate water in some or all parts of the body. Ignoring these indicators can lead to several major diseases. Most of us spend a lot of our working hours in air-conditioned environment so naturally we don't feel thirsty but that does not mean that our body does not need water. Lack of water can lead to fatigue too. So, for your glowing health, drink enough water.

Importance of water for maintaining normal health:
Just as water helps a seed grow into a tree, it also helps our body. The flow of water inside and outside the cells generates energy. This energy is stored in body along with other chemical sources of energy in the body. The energy generated by the water in the cells helps transmit impulses in the nerves. Water content in the body influences the functions of the various proteins and enzymes that are dissolved in it.
Water helps maintain the moisture of the lining of the internal organs of the body. It maintains normal volume and consistency of fluids such as blood and lymph. It regulates body temperature.

It removes 'toxins' from the body
Water is essential for regulating the normal structure and functions of the skin. The body loses about four litres of water every day. It is, therefore, necessary to replenish this volume by drinking at least the equivalent amount of water every day. Inadequate intake of water can lead to dehydration.

How to deal with stress at work

Here's how you can cope up with work stress.


The surface explanationStress is caused when we are in fear of some undesirable outcome. So, when we have deadlines, schedules or bills that are due, and we can't see ourselves meeting these targets, we feel a sense of fear. When we fear getting caught for doing or not doing something that was expected of us--we feel this fear. And it is this very fear that causes stress.
Fear is not bad, just as stress isn't bad either. In fact, without stress, we won't win races or go that extra mile and perform. Stress motivates us to take action sometimes. It only becomes bad for you when you allow it to reach levels where it instigates the same options that fear does. Namely, the 'Fight,' 'Flight' or 'Freeze' response.

A seeper understanding of stressOur bodies have a primitive--or should I say limbic--brain-generated response to stress, which no longer serves us in our concrete jungles as it did back when we were cavemen. Adrenaline and a racing heart and mind equals the need to "act;" ?dread equals the need to avoid; "can't act" equals a freeze.
These responses were valid and useful when we were hunters. Our modern day stressors are not fatal and often do not need us to realistically go into the fight, flight or freeze modes. Unfortunately, many of us allow our bodies to go there but only due to a lack of this understanding.

Solutions


Relax: The best thing you can do about something that's beyond your grasp is relax and surrender. If you really can't do anything then at least stop directing all this worry, stress and negative emotion towards your problem. Otherwise, this will render you incapable of doing anything else.
(The author is a certified life coach.)Exaggerate: Think of the words that you may recite in your head when you are stressed and then exaggerate them; notice what this feels like in your body and what it does to your breathing.
Usually the message is something like 'I will fail,' 'I will be sacked,' 'I may get demoted or scolded by my superiors,' 'people will see me as incompetent,' or 'I am just not good enough.' Terrible isn't it? Can you see how unhealthy and how unproductive thinking this way can be to you?
Notice how your body folds in, your breathing becomes short, your eyes and brows burrow inwards to form lines and frowns on your forehead, and your mouth goes down. Exaggerate the facial expressions stress brings with it and you will get a sense of how terrible it is for you.
Maintain structure: Stress is a sign of feeling overwhelmed, which simply means a lack of structure. Writing a list of all the important and urgent things that you need to get done is usually the first step to alleviating a lot of stress.
Do what needs to be done to pick your game up--be on time, clean up your clutter on your phone, computer, desk and calendar. When your stress causes you to react in anger because you are running late or caught in traffic, make it a point to just leave earlier, play good music in your car or iPod and relax instead. Renegotiate your commitments if you have to. Then put them in different categories, prioritize, and get cracking!Self-evaluationWhat has your stress cost you lately in your personal and professional relationships? Be honest with yourself. Have you broken anything, been horribly rude to anyone you care about, blown up over a business relationship or perhaps, even hurt someone physically? Has it made you hurt yourself by indulging in vices and staying in denial?

How parental style influences kids’ behavior

A new study has shed light on how parents' child-rearing styles are associated with their young children's behaviour.
University of Alberta researcher Christina Rinaldi said that although much of the research to date on parenting has looked only at the mother's role, the research she conducted with co-author Nina Howe of Concordia University ( Montreal) showed a correlation between the father's parental style and the child's behaviour, either positive or negative.
Their findings suggest parental styles that are either too strict or too lenient are likely to be associated with negative types of behaviour in children, whereas a more even-handed approach is more likely to result in positive conduct.
Participants in the study were asked to identify their parental style and that of their partner, and to identify and measure their children's behaviour.
The results indicated that when the mothers were more permissive in their parental style or the fathers more authoritarian, the toddlers tended to demonstrate negatively focused habits such as temper tantrums, arguing with adults or not sharing toys.
On the other hand, for parents who reported that the father displayed a firm but fair and friendly style, children tended to display a more positive demeanour.
"Being more authoritative is a positive style. You have structure, but you also have limits for kids so they know what to expect. It's very clear in its communication, but at the same time has expectations and doesn't let everything go," said Rinaldi.
"Toddlers are starting to test their environment. It's hard for them to communicate exactly what they want. And so it really tests the limits of what parents can do and their own abilities."
Rinaldi said it is important to remember that parental styles are fluid, and that factors such as mood and fatigue—on the part of both parent and child—can play a role in shifting a parent's approach.
The key, she said, lies with the parent being able to determine boundaries and limits to put on a child, based on the child and environment factors. Within the family dynamic, she said that parents may adopt different approaches among siblings as well, especially if one child is more even-tempered than another.
It's less of the Smothers Brothers' "mom always liked you best" situation and more like having to navigate the perilous waters of each child's needs.
"People look back on their own childhood and they say, 'Well, our parents didn't treat us the same,' but why would they treat you exactly the same? You are different human beings," said Rinaldi.
"Some children require a little bit more attention than others. And some parents are baffled as to why one strategy works with one and not with the others, so it is a demand on the parent to figure it out," Rinaldi added.
Rinaldi said there are many ways to be an effective parent, but what her research underscores is that parents who share the authoritative traits—by providing structure in a loving, caring, very clear way to their young children—are the ones to emulate.
She said kids need structure and routines to help them, especially in their early years. Toddlers enjoy knowing what to expect and what is expected of them, including having duties like helping to set the table or tasks such as brushing their teeth before bed.
Having reasonable expectations that are age-appropriate is another consideration, she insisted, noting that it might be unfair to expect young children not to be moody when they are hungry or up past their bedtime.
But when it comes time to be the firm, loving parent, it comes down to saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
The study has been published in Early Childhood Research Quarterly.

To stay or not to stay at home

To work or stay home — that's a decision many women need to make when they've had a baby. To ensure that their child is well taken care of, many mothers choose to stay home.

On the contrary, a study by American Psychological Association points out, working mothers may actually be the ones who are better off at raising children when compared to those who stay at home. The study also reported that working mothers enjoyed better health, lesser signs of depression and contributed more to a child's overall learning opportunities. The ladies in Pune voice their opinions on the same.

Not true
Stay-home mums are the ones who have to let go of their ambitions and desires in order to take care of their child, say a few. Actor Manini Mishra says, "The mother who stays home instead of working sacrifices her aspirations and career to ensure that her child is well taken care of. It is not easy to stay home, look after the house and also take care of the child." Manini feels that stay-home mums contribute as much as a working mother does or perhaps even more.

Absolutely right
Women are known to be good at multitasking, point out others. Multi-tasking directly relates more efficiency. Actor Poonam Dhillon explains, "Working women are always more capable and are good at multi-tasking. Working mums put in a lot more effort to ensure they get to spend some quality time with their children too. This contributes to the overall development of the child."

SOS Mummy!
Actor Smita Jaykar feels that stay-home mums make their children dependent on them for everything. She explains, "Stay-home mums tend to spoon-feed their children. This curbs their independence." Smita also says she finds that her children are a lot more independent than most kids their age.

Not applicable
A few others are of the opinion that since these studies are conducted abroad, they have no relevance in India. Actor Renuka Shahane stresses on the health aspect. "This study does not hold good for the women in India. Whether a woman is working or not working, her work pressure remains the same. In the west, once women are back home, they relax and rejuvenate. That is not the case here. A woman has to handle so many more things here, and that could lead to a lot of stress," she explains.

Work is happiness
Personal happiness is always a driving force while taking crucial decisions, feel others. Actor Manjari Phadnis elaborates, "The mothers who stay at home tend to centre their lives around their children. Working mothers, on the other hand, learn to manage home and career and do both well. And managing them both gives them a sense of accomplishment."

Don't worry, be happy
Film-maker Chitra Palekar feels that is 'no such thing as this is better than that'. "If you are able to spend quality time with your child, then nothing like it. Being happy and the providing the space your child needs is the way to go about it." As long as both the mother and child are happy, it is bound to contribute to the growth of the child.

'Yoga can cure every disease'

Yoga therapy can cure every disease and disorder, even cancer, says a Delhi-based yoga therapist but warns against the mass teaching of yoga - including popular pranayams like kapalbhati and anulom vilom - saying they "can cause complications".

"Yoga cannot be universalised...like prescribing a paracetamol tablet," says Subhash Sharma, a yoga therapist who spent 19 years in a gurukul in Rajasthan and is also a post-graduate from the Kasturba Medical College, Manipal.

Sharma said: "People have different physiologies and each person's response to yoga is individualistic. Therefore, there can't be standardisation of yoga for any particular disorder."

Sharma, who describes himself as a pioneering yoga therapist and runs a busy practice in south Delhi, says even a step-by-step book on yoga can be "fatal".

Recounting a particular case, he says one gentleman had come to him with a problem - he had lost the sensation of the nerves to the anus that tell us when to pass faeces.

"He had learnt the steps from a book and started practising 'nauli kriya', or rotating of the intestines. This paralysed the nerves to the anus. He did not know when he was passing stools, he would only make out from the bad smell."

Bhastrika, a popular yogic pranayam that many people do while following an expert on television, can cause asthma, warns Sharma.

"In bhastrika pranayam you pump the lungs. It can hyperventilate the lungs and people can develop asthma."

Another popular pranayam, kapalbhati, is "dangerous, especially for women", he warns.

"If kapalbhati is done without 'bandhas', or shutting the anus and vagina, then the pressure will fall on the visceral organs (internal organs) and they will be pushed downwards. Women can develop uterus prolapse (where the uterus can sag from its normal position)."

Each of Sharma's patients is given yoga therapy keeping in mind their body type and problem. The patient's response is monitored closely and changes are made accordingly.

Anulom vilom, perceived to be a simple pranayam in which you breathe in through one nostril and breathe out though the other, is also not advisable for all, he says.

"When we force in air from one nostril and exhale from the other, it upsets the respiratory centre of the brain which controls breathing," he says, adding, "Lots of precautions should be taken before going in for anulom vilom."

Sharma has crowds of people coming to him with all kinds of problems, ranging from arthritis, asthma and blood pressure to cancer and even cases of muscular dystrophy. Sharma says he has cured many cancer cases, including blood cancer, brain cancer and breast cancer.

He recounted the case of a British woman with brain cancer who had undergone surgery and been given three months to live. "It is four years since she has been cured," he said.

Bhavna Singh is full of gratitude to Sharma. Her mother, who was diagnosed with stage 3B cancer of the uterus two years ago, is "doing perfectly fine now" with the disease in remission. Doctors had given her mother 25-30 percent chances of survival. They did chemotherapy and radiotheraphy sessions simultaneously with Sharma's yoga therapy, which included a diet regimen.

"My mother is doing absolutely fine...I'll give the whole credit to Sharmaji," Bhavna said, adding that her mother did not lose even a strand of hair despite intensive chemotherapy.

"There is a yogic asana for anything and everything - one only has to have faith and patience," says Sharma, who has worked with cancer patients at AIIMS for many years.

Among his many patients is Priya Narayanan, a patient of multiple sclerosis, an auto immune disorder. Priya, a trained Carnatic singer, was doing her PhD in chemistry around 20 years ago when she noticed she was losing the use of her muscles. Many rounds of doctors and hospitals later, and with no hope left, she arrived last year at Sharma's clinic.

"Priya has begun to show some control over her muscles," her mother Veda Narayanan said.

According to Sharma, Priya, who cannot walk without help, will be able to walk on her own in three years.

He says true yoga can be practised only by yogis who live aloof from society. Normal, social human beings running the material race suffer from psychosomatic disorders and diseases - and for them therapeutic yoga is the only answer, he says.

Sharma is keen that the Indian government "amalgamate the study of yoga with the study of human physiology - to develop yoga therapists".

"The government should teach yoga and medicine together, and create yoga doctors," he says.

How to maintain your image at work

Don't want to be seen as arrogant or weak to your subordinates? You can maintain the right balance of humility, writes Lisa Antao

Sometimes, we are in awe of people superior to us, people whom we secretly look up to and want to be like. Maybe because it's the respect that they command and receive, their achievements, their contacts or simply just how smoothly they can get work done. And it's obvious that such people display good if not great leadership qualities, and we often wonder what makes them click? And while most people believe that aggressiveness, being influential and being determined to be successful appear to be the necessary traits, in reality there's much more. We often overlook the humility factor. After all, it is said that respect is earned.

So how does humility play a role in effective leadership? Psychologist Manasi Hassan explains, "Imagine a leader who is unapproachable, uptight, self absorbed and judgmental.

Or a leader who sets such high standards that the group members feel almost inferior in his/her presence. Humility is an important criteria for others to be able to relate to the leader. This makes the leader more approachable and a positive figure for his/her teammates. This helps one influence his/her teammates in a positive way without causing conflicts and frustration." She says that humility in a leader brings about an ease in the teammates for them to open up and communicate with their leader. It's simple just like in school when we liked a teacher who was positive, we automatically did better in that particular subject.

In case you're wondering what if humility is mistaken for weakness? Agrees Hassan saying that sometimes being humble may make others believe that you can be taken for granted. She suggests the following advice to maintain the right balance:

- Say 'no' when you have to
- Don't overdo the humility just for your need to be liked or seek approval from others
- When you see that the situation may get out of hand, pull up your socks and be assertive
- Use humility, don't abuse it. Familiarity breeds contempt, be open with your teammates but not so much that you are unable to maintain your distance with them
- Avoid disclosing too much of your personal life
- Demand your respect, when required
- Don't avoid confrontations in order to avoid conflict

Consultant psychiatrist Dr Milan Balakrishnan says, "Humility in a leader may be misconstrued as a weakness which can be balanced out by adding the right amount of assertiveness and strength. One does not have to sacrifice competence, vision, and effectiveness to get humility in leadership. Humility in the context of leadership is admitting that one does not have all the answers and that one may need help of the team in fulfiling team objectives."

When women become more successful than men

While you may be at the peak of your career, your personal life may be going for a toss. The trick lies in 'not bringing office home' and spending quality time with your man in spite of a busy schedule. Women are becoming more independent and professionally successful than they were a generation or two ago. That's brilliant but it can come with baggage. A recent study revealed that in 39 of the 50 top urban markets, women are making more than their male peers. But as women work their way up that career ladder and begin to out-earn their husbands or partners, cheating is on the rise.
While it feels great to constantly climb the career ladder and earning good money, the reality is that at some point you may encounter a guy who's intimidated by your success. According to new research, when a man is completely financially dependent on his female partner, he is five times more likely to cheat than men who contribute an equal amount to the partnership.
Traditionally, men used to bring home a majority of, if not the entire household income while many women had the option of being housewifes and raising kids. "Men typically played the role of providers and women that of nurturers. We do not see this in our culture today as the traditional gender roles have become blur in relationships and women have become a lot more independent," says relationship expert Dr Rajan Bhonsle.
As female breadwinners take on their role as protector and nurturer, men feel that their gender identity is being threatened. Seeing their partners slogging hard, they may stray. This shift to equalitarian partnerships hits their ego and may further lead to infidelity.
Before you face a relationship failure, here are a few tips that will help you prioritise and strike a balance between the two meaningful aspects of your life - career and love.
Know what you want:
The key to a successful relationship is to be clear about what you want. As a career-oriented woman, it's probably even more important to be clear about the type of guy you would want to spend your life with. Make a list of the top five qualities you're looking for in a potential partner. While doing this activity, ask yourself the following questions: Does equal or greater earning power of the partner power matter to me? Would I be willing to date someone who makes less than me but is beautiful at heart?
Creating unrealistic expectations is a crime:
While you may be capable of buying your car, go on a holiday with your girlfriends and shop from your favourite branded stores, it is silly having unrealistic expectations. Thinking that a guy who owns a smaller house than you won't keep you happy, will leave you being single for long. What's important is who he is as an individual. "If he treats you with love and care and shares similar ambitions in life as you do, he may possibly prove to be a loyal and a lifelong partner," says Bhonsle.
Let him woo you:
Dating a woman who enjoys greater career success is likely to threaten a man's sense of self worth. But it's not as if it's the end. They can quickly find other ways to feel worthy but that is only if you give them a chance to feel the same. For example, until you know his level of emotional maturity, don't take him to expensive restaurants or buy him expensive gifts. Let him plan outings and pay for movie tickets. Appreciate his efforts through minor gestures regardless of how big or small they are.
Make him feel important:
The core lies in the words appreciate and reward. Make sure he maintains a higher self-esteem. "Compliment him when he undertakes non-traditional gender roles and performs them well," advices Hingorrany. Moreover, if he's not the primary breadwinner, entrust him responsibilities like managing finances. Also, indulge in actions that remind him he's all man in bed.

Tummy out helps keep tummy in

Breathing with your stomach can help reduce weight among many other advantages
Breathing with the stomach is the right way to breathe according to the great Sage Patanjali. But most of us have forgotten that. And have taken to breathing from chest.

"Our first experiences with breathing were the most natural. As infants, our breathing is natural, spontaneous, and unlabored. Infants breathe naturally with the belly. If you observe a baby breathing, you'll notice his or her belly enlarges on an inhalation. As children, when we become self-aware and self-conscious, we lose touch with this natural and spontaneous way of breathing. Many of us, having forgotten how to belly breathe as we did when we were infants, become habitual chest breathers, holding the belly in and breathing from our chests." Says Dr Patricia A. Muehsam, writer and physician from New York City.

Thousands of years ago, Sage Patanjali knew how to correct distorted chemistry of humans through short, simple, and yet powerful breathing exercises. These exercises require only 15 minutes every day. He also knew about correct breathing, which maintains the healthy chemistry of our mind and body, which is more necessary with each passing day.

Correct breathing - by inhaling through your belly - helps increase metabolism as well. And increased metabolism means decrease in weight.

Breathing through the stomach also increases immunity and keeps away basic diseases like common cold and sinus.

Knowledge about correct breathing is, therefore, a must for one and all. With correct breathing, climbing uphill becomes effortless. However, this precious knowledge remained a well kept secret until recently.