Life beckons your children in the truest sense after they're done with high school.
Parents need to take that tough decision of the kid moving away to study. But probably harder than taking the call is the ability to come to terms with that decision. Parents need to adopt pragmatic attitudes. Because at the end of the day, it's all about what's best for your little one. As much as you want them to remain cuddled up to you forever, they need to go out and broaden their horizons, discover shores and set sail. And you should let them. Parents get increasingly panicky with each passing month their kids are in college. Here are some things they could keep in mind to calm themselves down.
They need to grow up
You need to realise that this is only going to do your kids good. Not having you around all the time will make them more responsible and confident, mature and cautious. "In a sense it's greatly satisfying to see your child go out into the world. It's like all your hard work having borne fruit. You dream with him, what you've achieved so far becomes inconsequential. That he's leaving the nest ceases to matter, what's important is that he's learning to fly. And somewhere, you fly with him," says Vandana, ex counsellor, Behavioural Sciences, Learning Centre, Mahindra Satyam. Children should be allowed to make mistakes. Don't question their instincts or decisions; instead try talking them into deliberating a little more. It's absolutely great if they learn the hard way. They will cherish those lessons for life.
Let the phone be
Children need a lot of space and time in college. It's incredibly hectic, absolutely nothing compared to school. So calling them repeatedly will only make them paranoid. Instead try sending texts or calling in the morning or at night when they'd be relatively free. It would be a good idea to have them call you instead. Not only will this help them relax but also look forward to the conversation. Says Radhika, a second year law student, "I call my mom every morning before class. And we talk about three times a day. She knows my timings, so she calls only when I'm free. Also, I call her at a fixed time every day."
The over-indulgent parent
The affectionate parent whose heart melts at the slightest whimper from his kid probably needs more tips than the stern one who knows how to say no. Make sure you let your children know there's no way they can make a fool of you. You might not be there, but you're definitely keeping a tab on all that they do. They can have all the fun they like, but they will be held accountable for everything they do. They can go out for sure but they should be told by exactly when they need to be back and why you mean what you say.
Honey, where's the money going?
Money in a college circle is a sensitive issue. The child should always have enough to spend, for there are umpteen expenditures, some that are difficult to keep count of. Let your child know he'll never be deprived but there's a line he needs to draw for himself. He can't go overboard. Being careful with money is the most important part of growing up. Says Rohini, "I already know how much I can spend. Hence, there's no question of arguing with my parents." Ask for basic explanations if you find your child spending way too much. Don't try to fish out details of paltry expenses made by him.
Rediscover yourself
A lot of parents, especially mothers find themselves lost and aimless after their kids leave for college. Your entire life revolved around that one person, and now that you don't have to hover around him, you don't really know what to do. Use this time to do things you've been too busy for all this while. Go out, meet friends you need to catch up with, read, do up the garden. Sign up for pottery classes or any sport that interests you. Try and rediscover yourself. As Shalini, Associate Professor at Magadh University says, "To begin with, I thought the emptiness would take its toll on me. I then began to concentrate more on my work. In my free time, I took to reading religious scriptures and kept myself busy."
The balancing act
Lastly, remember that you have other priorities too. Your spouse and other kids need you just as much. Don't let the kids, especially, feel unimportant. For one day, they will also leave the nest. You don't want them growing up resenting you or their older sibling.
Parenting is difficult, and you learn something each day. Be ready to make your own mistakes, and let your kids make theirs. Just try and think of 'letting go' being as important as having taught them how to walk. Don't worry, have faith in your kids, and always remember that they're going to come back home to you at the end of the day.
Parents need to take that tough decision of the kid moving away to study. But probably harder than taking the call is the ability to come to terms with that decision. Parents need to adopt pragmatic attitudes. Because at the end of the day, it's all about what's best for your little one. As much as you want them to remain cuddled up to you forever, they need to go out and broaden their horizons, discover shores and set sail. And you should let them. Parents get increasingly panicky with each passing month their kids are in college. Here are some things they could keep in mind to calm themselves down.
They need to grow up
You need to realise that this is only going to do your kids good. Not having you around all the time will make them more responsible and confident, mature and cautious. "In a sense it's greatly satisfying to see your child go out into the world. It's like all your hard work having borne fruit. You dream with him, what you've achieved so far becomes inconsequential. That he's leaving the nest ceases to matter, what's important is that he's learning to fly. And somewhere, you fly with him," says Vandana, ex counsellor, Behavioural Sciences, Learning Centre, Mahindra Satyam. Children should be allowed to make mistakes. Don't question their instincts or decisions; instead try talking them into deliberating a little more. It's absolutely great if they learn the hard way. They will cherish those lessons for life.
Let the phone be
Children need a lot of space and time in college. It's incredibly hectic, absolutely nothing compared to school. So calling them repeatedly will only make them paranoid. Instead try sending texts or calling in the morning or at night when they'd be relatively free. It would be a good idea to have them call you instead. Not only will this help them relax but also look forward to the conversation. Says Radhika, a second year law student, "I call my mom every morning before class. And we talk about three times a day. She knows my timings, so she calls only when I'm free. Also, I call her at a fixed time every day."
The over-indulgent parent
The affectionate parent whose heart melts at the slightest whimper from his kid probably needs more tips than the stern one who knows how to say no. Make sure you let your children know there's no way they can make a fool of you. You might not be there, but you're definitely keeping a tab on all that they do. They can have all the fun they like, but they will be held accountable for everything they do. They can go out for sure but they should be told by exactly when they need to be back and why you mean what you say.
Honey, where's the money going?
Money in a college circle is a sensitive issue. The child should always have enough to spend, for there are umpteen expenditures, some that are difficult to keep count of. Let your child know he'll never be deprived but there's a line he needs to draw for himself. He can't go overboard. Being careful with money is the most important part of growing up. Says Rohini, "I already know how much I can spend. Hence, there's no question of arguing with my parents." Ask for basic explanations if you find your child spending way too much. Don't try to fish out details of paltry expenses made by him.
Rediscover yourself
A lot of parents, especially mothers find themselves lost and aimless after their kids leave for college. Your entire life revolved around that one person, and now that you don't have to hover around him, you don't really know what to do. Use this time to do things you've been too busy for all this while. Go out, meet friends you need to catch up with, read, do up the garden. Sign up for pottery classes or any sport that interests you. Try and rediscover yourself. As Shalini, Associate Professor at Magadh University says, "To begin with, I thought the emptiness would take its toll on me. I then began to concentrate more on my work. In my free time, I took to reading religious scriptures and kept myself busy."
The balancing act
Lastly, remember that you have other priorities too. Your spouse and other kids need you just as much. Don't let the kids, especially, feel unimportant. For one day, they will also leave the nest. You don't want them growing up resenting you or their older sibling.
Parenting is difficult, and you learn something each day. Be ready to make your own mistakes, and let your kids make theirs. Just try and think of 'letting go' being as important as having taught them how to walk. Don't worry, have faith in your kids, and always remember that they're going to come back home to you at the end of the day.
