9 Warning signs of a troubled marriage

Although we all love to be happily married, couples often find themselves caught off guard when a marriage breaks. The reasons may range from silly to serious. It happens in the most unexpected way. Only when you face the situation do you actually begin to think back and realise if you missed the warning signs. 

Here are a few situations that suggest trouble in your marriage 

1. Digging up the past, name calling, verbally abusing and belittling in-laws have almost become common for you two. 

2. Both look for silly excuses to fight. You try avoiding each other and don't look forward to coming back home anymore. Even a trivial complaint turns into a bitter fight. You feel there's no workable solution in sight. 

3. Nothing is a joint decision anymore. There's no logic behind your explanation. It's simply a matter of ego to prove what you feel is right. 

4. Jealousy creeps in. There's no healthy competition anymore. It's not at all fun to ask for guidance as you are belittled for your complete lack of knowledge or ignorance. You can't take your spouse into confidence. 

5. Your spouse can't think beyond himself/herself. You feel like an outsider being neglected and unwanted. You don't feel part of the family at all. It is no more our family but 'my family'. This means danger! 

6. One of you cheats. Extra-marital affair is a strict no-no and ruins family life. It's an unpardonable mistake and means the end of a marriage. 

7. Neither of you are inclined towards sex. It kind of becomes mechanical with absolutely no passion. Sex is something that keeps the marriage going. 

8. You don't seem to sort out issues then and there. Either of you is an escapist and avoids confrontation. You have bottled it all up and can't wait for it to burst so you can put an end to your relationship. 
9. No communication of any sorts. Forget the mushy notes and flower bouquet, your partner doesn't bother asking 'how are you' in a mail or text message. When there's total silence between the two of you and you run out of topics to talk, then your relationship has reached a dead end. 

"If you are not at peace; you are in pieces." Dr. Kurien S. Thomas

Know when to say no

Sometimes children push themselves too hard while aiming for the skies. Parents, watch out for the warning signs and put your foot down. It will save your child, say experts 

Pressure to win and be the best. Attending tuition classes. Intense training schedules. In a world of super achievers, children often find themselves at the burnt end of the rope. With constant peer pressure, and overzealous parents wanting their children to accomplish beyond their capacity, more often than not, a push becomes the shove. 

A lot of times, peer pressure leads to children stressing themselves out over education, sports or other extracurricular activities. Nishi Mehta (name changed on request) recalls her son's mad dash to learn football, as a lot of his friends had signed up for the game. 

"My son suffers from fragile bones. Football is an energetic game that requires a lot of running around and tremendous stamina. It also results in a lot of injuries, which he couldn't cope with, considering his condition. I had a tough time explaining to him why football was not his sport," she says. 

Dr Bhupendra Chaudhry, Consultant Psychiatrist, Manipal Hospital, explains, "A lot of children put pressure on themselves after seeing their peer group and set unrealistic targets for themselves. They want to prove that they are super achievers. In such cases parents need to empathize with the child and offer them an alternative solution." Like Nishi Mehta did after seeking professional help, which helped her to understand her child's strengths through some simple tests and signed him up for chess, an indoor game. "His analytical skills and patience levels were ideal for the game. Now when he wins chess tournaments, he doesn't feel left out of the success cycle." 

As Dr Yesheswini Kamaraju, Consultant Psychiatrist, Fortis Hospital, says, "For majority of children, it takes time to know their expertise. If a child doesn't try out various options, he or she may be losing out on opportunities." 

The red flags 
Experts opine that most children and adolescents show warning signs when pushed beyond a limit. As parents, it is necessary to look out for the danger spots for damage control. 
Common signs include 
» anxiety 
» mood disorders 
» adamant behaviour 
» anti-social behaviour 

"Loss of concentration, being fearful in public situations, watching too much television or doing standalone activities should ring a bell," points out Dr Chaudhry. It is a common situation, when families or parents push a child so much it results in irritability and they want to escape the rigour. "In such cases, family sessions where parents are helped to evaluate and set expectations, understand their ward's temperamental attitudes is important," he explains. 

Functional pains are another indication, points out Dr Kamaraju. "Abdominal aches, stress-induced symptoms, headaches, sleep difficulties can be a manifestation of the emotional turmoil that a child goes through in such situations," she says. 

Remedial actions 
Taking help from professional counsellors can help resolve behavioural disasters to a great extent, says Dr Chaudhry. Agrees Dr Kamaraju, advising the presence of school counsellors and therapists. Using the right language and helping the child develop a good self esteem after they've quit something is very important, she says. "Words like 'you won't get it, what is this rubbish' are very common in schools these days. 

What a lot of educationists need to understand is that these words can affect a child mentally," she warns. "If a child wants to quit something, immediately after trying it, explain to them patiently that they need to give it some time before deciding to do so. But if he or she is 
absolutely hell-bent on giving up or if it is a physical problem, then a parent has to realise that there is a difficulty and that they should stop pushing," Dr Kamaraju says. 

Taking a break and then getting back to it if a child feels the inclination or interest is another option. Having the right role models to look up to and adequate supervision are also key factors to encourage a child to pursue certain goals, she points out. 

Obesity, root causes of daytime sleepiness

Three studies have concluded that obesity anddepression are the two main culprits that make people excessively sleepy while awake. 

Researchers at Penn State examined a random population sample of 1,741 adults and decided that obesity and emotional stress are the main causes of the current "epidemic" of sleepiness and fatigue plaguing America. 

Insufficient sleep and obstructive sleep apnea also play a role; both have been linked to high blood pressure, heart disease, emotional stress,diabetes, obesity and accidents. 

"The 'epidemic' of sleepiness parallels an 'epidemic' of obesity and psychosocial stress," Alexandros Vgontzas, MD, the principal investigator for the three studies, said. 

"Weight loss, depression and sleep disorders should be our priorities in terms of preventing the medical complications and public safety hazards associated with this excessive sleepiness," Vgontzas said. 

In the Penn State cohort study, 222 adults reporting excessive daytime sleepiness (EDS) were followed up 7 and a half years later. 

For those whose EDS persisted, weight gain was the strongest predicting factor. 

"In fact, our results showed that in individuals who lost weight, excessive sleepiness improved," Vgontzas said. 

Adults from that same cohort who developed EDS within the 7½-year span also were studied. 

The results show for the first time that depression and obesity are the strongest risk factors for new-onset excessive sleepiness. 

The third study, of a group of 103 research volunteers, determined once again that depression and obesity were the best predictors for EDS. 

"The primary finding connecting our three studies are that depression and obesity are the main risk factors for both new-onset and persistent excessive sleepiness," Vgontzas said. 

In the Penn State cohort study, the rate of new-onset excessive sleepiness was 8 per cent, and the rate of persistent daytime sleepiness was 38 per cent. 

Like insufficient sleep and obstructive sleep apnea, EDS also is associated with significant health risks and on-the-job accidents.

Stressful jobs making us age prematurely

Finnish researchers have confirmed that a stressful job could make us old and sick before time. 

Led by Kirsi Ahola of the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health, the researchers measured the length of DNA sections called telomeres and how the lengths varied in association with jobstress and found that people suffering from the most job stress tended to have shorter telomeres.

Telomeres, located at the ends of chromosomes, serve as a type of protective cap to the ropy strands, helping assure that the genetic instructions carried by genes on the chromosomes are accurately translated so cells get the right messages. 

Telomeres shorten with age, oxidation and chemical insults. Often, when telomeres reach a critically short length, the cell dies in a process called apoptosis, according to NBC News. 

Some cells do not die, but rather become what scientists call 'senescent' - they start making genetic errors and causing damage. 

Ahola and her team analyzed blood cells called leukocytes - which are critical to immune function - in 2,911 people between ages 30 and 64. 

They found that workers who experienced severe exhaustion from job stress had significantly shorter leukocyte telomeres than their relatively stress-free counterparts. 

But it appears that frazzled wage earners have more to worry about than crow's feet, wrinkles and greying locks. Telomere shortening has been linked to Parkinson's disease, type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease and cancer. 

In short, being in a constant state of anxiety at your workplace could make you old before your time and expose you to illnesses associated with aging. 

"I think that these results should be used when considering health hazards and work place legislation. Chronic work stress can become a health risk and should be prevented," the Daily Mail quoted Ahola as telling NBC News. 

The research appeared in the journal PloS One this month.

Recession could be bad for your skin

Recession could increase levels of stress, which in turn can trigger skin conditions like eczema,psoriasis and acne, say dermatologists.

In a survey nine out of ten dermatologists have noted a rise in eczema, psoriasis and other skin conditions triggered by stress since the credit crunch hit.

As distress of skin conditions has led some sufferers to self-harm and contemplate suicide, the British Skin Foundation said it is important to address any underlying emotional problems that trigger physical symptoms.

The survey of 105 doctors and nurses who specialise in skin conditions found 41 per cent had seen a noticeable increase in stress-related break-outs. Five per cent cited a 'huge' increase and almost half had seen a slight increase.

The poll, carried out at the British Association of Dermatologists' annual conference, showed therecession is taking its greatest toll on eczema sufferers.

However, there have also been rises in acne, psoriasis - characterised by dry red patches of skin covered with silvery scales - and vitiligo, in which pale patches appear on the skin.

"The recession brings with it a set of problems that add further stress and misery to the millions that live with a skin disease," the Daily Mail quoted BSF member Bevis Man said.

Previous BSF research had revealed many sufferers of skin diseases have been verbally abused in public.

Warm parenting offers hope for unemotional kids

If a child receives consistent and warmparenting in a secure family environment, it can prevent them from psychopathic acts and violent crime in adulthood, says a new research.

"We found that the quality of a parent's emotional interaction and attachment with a young child is crucial to predicting if that child will develop this high-risk pattern of behaviour," said David Hawes, from the University of Sydney School of Psychology, who led the study.

Children who early on show a fearless temperament and indifference to other people's emotions, especially when they are upset or in need of help, are known as having "callous-unemotional" (CU) traits. This behaviour has been shown to be a strong indicator of psychopathic behaviour and violent crime in adulthood.

"These children are indifferent to punishment for poor behaviour and, in fact, the more severe the punishment the worse the behaviour becomes," said Hawes, according to a university statement.

"While CU characteristics seem to be largely under the control of genetics if a child receives consistent and warm parenting in a secure family environment, it can protect against those traits. This aspect of parenting is still relevant in terms of influencing the traits even though it is not the cause," said Hawes.

"In fact, its protective effects - its ability to prevent the development of aggressive and oppositional behaviour - also appear to be strongest for children with the highest level of CU traits," added Hawes.

Hawes and his colleagues have just completed a four-year study, looking at children aged two to four with CU traits. The research was unusual in concentrating on very young children and being based primarily on direct observation. It used video analysis to evaluate the quality of interactions and attachment between mothers and children.

"The study suggests that the emotional bonds between mothers and their children strongly predict if they will show high levels of CU traits, as well as conduct problems," said Hawes.

Until recently the quality of a child's parenting was not believed to have an impact on either callous-unemotional or the behaviour of children with such traits, but this research suggests that strengthening the emotional bonds between parents and their infants can make a difference.

Sleep deprivation may reduce risk of PTSD

Sleep deprivation in the first few hours after exposure to a significantly stressful threat actually reduces the risk of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), according to a study by researchers from Ben-Gurion University of the Negev (BGU) and Tel Aviv University.

The new study was published in the international scientific journal, Neuropsychopharmacology. It revealed in a series of experiments that sleep deprivation of approximately six hours immediately after exposure to a traumatic event reduces the development of post trauma-like behavioral responses. As a result, sleep deprivation the first hours after stress exposure might represent a simple, yet effective, intervention for PTSD.

The research was conducted by Prof. Hagit Cohen, director of the Anxiety and Stress Research Unit at BGU's Faculty of Health Sciences, in collaboration with Prof. Joseph Zohar of Tel Aviv University.

Approximately 20 percent of people exposed to a severe traumatic event, such as a car or work accident, terrorist attack or war, cannot normally carry on their lives. These people retain the memory of the event for many years. It causes considerable difficulties in the person's functioning in daily life and, in extreme cases, may render the individual completely dysfunctional.

"Often those close to someone exposed to a traumatic event, including medical teams, seek to relieve the distress and assume that it would be best if they could rest and "sleep on it," says Prof. Cohen. "Since memory is a significant component in the development of post-traumatic symptoms, we decided to examine the various effects of sleep deprivation immediately after exposure to trauma."

In the experiments, rats that underwent sleep deprivation after exposure to trauma (predator scent stress exposure), later did not exhibit behavior indicating memory of the event, while a control group of rats that was allowed to sleep after the stress exposure did remember, as shown by their post trauma-like behavior.

"As is the case for human populations exposed to severe stress, 15 to 20 percent of the animals develop long-term disruptions in their behavior," says Cohen. "Our research method for this study is, we believe, a breakthrough in biomedical research."

A pilot study in humans is currently being planned. The studies were funded by a Israel Academy of Science and Humanities grant and the Israel Ministry of Health.

Weight loss can be ‘contagious’

Teammates in a group-based weight losscompetition considerably influence each other's health goals, indicating that shedding pounds can have a ripple effect, according to a new study.

Researchers from The Miriam Hospital's Weight Control and Diabetes Research Center and The Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University found that team members not only achieved similar weight loss outcomes, but participants who said their teammates played a large role in their weight loss actually lost the most weight.

"We know that obesity can be socially contagious, but now we know that social networks play a significant role in weight loss as well, particularly team-based weight loss competitions," said lead author Tricia Leahey, Ph.D., of The Miriam Hospital and Alpert Medical School.

"In our study, weight loss clearly clustered within teams, which suggests that teammates influenced each other, perhaps by providing accountability, setting expectations of weight loss, and providing encouragement and support."

The findings are based on the results of the 2009 Shape Up Rhode Island (SURI) campaign, a 12-week statewide online weight loss competition designed by study co-author Rajiv Kumar, M.D. Participants joined with a team and could compete against other teams in three divisions: weight loss, physical activity and pedometer steps.

The weight loss competition included 3,330 overweight or obese individuals (BMI of 31.2 or greater), representing 987 teams averaging between 5 and 11 members each. The majority of these individuals enrolled in all three divisions.

Weight loss outcomes were clearly determined by which team an individual was on. Participants who lost clinically significant amounts of weight (at least 5 percent of their initial body weight) tended to be on the same teams, and being on a team with more teammates in the weight loss division was also associated with a greater weight loss.

Individuals who reported higher levels of teammate social influence increased their odds of achieving a clinically significant weight loss by 20 percent. This effect was stronger than any other team characteristic, Leahey said.

"This is the first study to show that in these team-based campaigns, who's on your team really matters," she added.

"Being surrounded by others with similar health goals all working to achieve the same thing may have really helped people with their weight loss efforts."

However, Leahey noted that individual characteristics were also associated with weight outcomes.

Obese individuals had a greater percentage of weight loss than overweight participants.

Team captains also lost more weight than team members, possibly due to their increased motivation and engagement in the campaign.

Leahey said that future weight loss team competitions may consider requiring team members to share the leadership role.

"We're all influenced by the people around us, so if we can harness this positive peer pressure and these positive social influences, we can create a social environment to help encourage additional weight loss," she added.

The study has been published online in the journal Obesity.

Yoga reduces Stress; now it's known why

Six months ago, researchers at UCLA published a study that showed using a specific type of yoga to engage in a brief, simple daily meditation reduced the stress levels of people who care for those stricken by Alzheimer's and dementia. Now they know why.

As previously reported, practicing a certain form of chanting yogic meditation for just 12 minutes daily for eight weeks led to a reduction in the biological mechanisms responsible for an increase in the immune system's inflammation response. Inflammation, if constantly activated, can contribute to a multitude of chronic health problems.

Reporting in the current online edition of the journal Psychoneuroendocrinology, Dr. Helen Lavretsky, senior author and a professor of psychiatry at the UCLA Semel Institute for Neuroscience and Human Behavior, and colleagues found in their work with 45 family dementia caregivers that 68 of their genes responded differently after Kirtan Kriya Meditation (KKM), resulting in reduced inflammation.
Caregivers are the unsung heroes for their yeoman's work in taking care of loved ones that have been stricken with Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia, said Lavretsky, who also directs UCLA's Late-Life Depression, Stress and Wellness Research Program. But caring for a frail or demented family member can be a significant life stressor. Older adult caregivers report higher levels of stress and depression and lower levels of satisfaction, vigor and life in general. Moreover, caregivers show higher levels of the biological markers of inflammation. Family members in particular are often considered to be at risk of stress-related disease and general health decline.

As the U.S. population continues to age over the next two decades, Lavretsky noted, the prevalence of dementia and the number of family caregivers who provide support to these loved ones will increase dramatically. Currently, at least five million Americans provide care for someone with dementia.
"We know that chronic stress places caregivers at a higher risk for developing depression," she said "On average, the incidence and prevalence of clinical depression in family dementia caregivers approaches 50 percent. Caregivers are also twice as likely to report high levels of emotional distress." What's more, many caregivers tend to be older themselves, leading to what Lavretsky calls an "impaired resilience" to stress and an increased rate of cardiovascular disease and mortality.

Research has suggested for some time that psychosocial interventions like meditation reduce the adverse effects of caregiver stress on physical and mental health. However, the pathways by which such psychosocial interventions impact biological processes are poorly understood.
In the study, the participants were randomized into two groups. The meditation group was taught the 12-minute yogic practice that included Kirtan Kriya, which was performed every day at the same time for eight weeks. The other group was asked to relax in a quiet place with their eyes closed while listening to instrumental music on a relaxation CD, also for 12 minutes daily for eight weeks. Blood samples were taken at the beginning of the study and again at the end of the eight weeks.

"The goal of the study was to determine if meditation might alter the activity of inflammatory and antiviral proteins that shape immune cell gene expression," said Lavretsky. "Our analysis showed a reduced activity of those proteins linked directly to increased inflammation.
"This is encouraging news. Caregivers often don't have the time, energy, or contacts that could bring them a little relief from the stress of taking care of a loved one with dementia, so practicing a brief form of yogic meditation, which is easy to learn, is a useful too."
Lavretsky is a member of UCLA's recently launched
Alzheimer's and Dementia Care Program
, which provides comprehensive, coordinated care as well as resources and support to patients and their caregivers. Lavretsky has incorporated yoga practice into the caregiver program.
Funding for the study was provided by the Alzheimer's Research and Prevention Foundation in Tucson, Ariz.. Other authors of the study included David S. Black, Steve Cole, Michael R. Irwin, Elizabeth Breen, Natalie M. St. Cyr, Nora Nazarian, all of UCLA, and Dharma S. Khalsa, medical director for the Alzheimer's Research and Prevention Foundation in Tucson.

Eggs healthier, safer than 30 years ago

Eggs today are healthier, safer and more nutritious than they were 30 years ago because the feed given to hens has changed over the years, leading to less cholesterol and saturated fat in them, experts say.

Institute of Food Research scientists believe eggs are healthier now because the new feed also helps the hens to absorb more vitamin D and other nutrients.

Since the 1980s, they have been fed a mixture of wheat, corn, vegetable oil and high-protein formulated feed, rather than meat and bone-meal. A study funded by the UK Department of Health found that the average mid-sized egg now has nearly 25 per cent less saturated fat - which is linked to heartdisease - than one sold in the 1980s.

Better technology also means scientists can now analyse the nutritional content of eggs more accurately.

Not only are eggs found to be lower in fat, cholesterol and calories, but they also contain more vitamin D than before, nearly twice the amount that was noted in the 1980s, according to the Daily Mail.

The study also found now the eggs contain 177 micrograms of cholesterol, which clogs arteries, just over 10 percent less than the 202 micrograms previously recorded. They have fewer calories than experts originally thought, too - there are 66 in a medium egg, not 78.