Would you shop for a man?

A French dating site is promoting the same giving you the option to pick your type and put the man of your choice in a shopping cart.

The male gaze is already facing stiff competition from the female gaze, and a new French dating website is adding to this divide by treating men like products and allowing women to pick from the site and put men in their shopping carts. Men's profiles are featured as 'deals of the day' and have been categorised into slots including nerd, adventurer, beardless and bisexual. Will this tickle a funny bone or should men be appalled? We quiz both the sexes and find out if the sexist scales are tilting in favour of a skewed version of gender equality.

More about the site Called AdopteUnMec, the site allows ladies to pick the kind of man they would like to meet for an evening out. The idea is to give women plenty of choice and a bargain for their money, as you have to subscribe to get on board. How men feel about being treated like a product? Andrew D'Souza, an advertising professional, feels it's a matter of perception and how one wants to position themselves on the dating scene.

"Personally I hate the idea of being objectified and slotted into categories and being treated like an item on display at a supermarket. However, this may not be the case with other men, for some of them have gone ahead and provided testimonies on the site describing what they desire as their USP. From huggable qualities to their sexual status, it's put out there, seeking contact with like-minded women." Harish Seth, a marketing executive, adds, "I see no harm in it. People tend to take things a tad too seriously at times.

Dating is all about having fun while you get to know someone. This concept is a leveller in that sense as it gives women the chance to be in the driver's seat, calling the shots, and it's all done in a playful way. So, I don't see why anyone would have a problem with it." What women think of men being under the female gaze?

Shivani Gade, a working professional believes that objectifying men or women has become a trend of sorts. It's hard to slot it as black or white as it's catering to a demand, and as long as people are okay with it it's fine." Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, Varkha Chulani, agrees with Shivani and adds, "I think women are coming into their own with regards to their sexuality and for the first time accepting that they can enjoy sex without love as much as if not more than sex with love! Now with this new sexual revolution they are willing to let their hair and clothes down and indulge from a basket of varied kinds.

This website helps in the resource availability! Speaks well for a woman's confidence in their sexual prowess and for once it is being stated unapologetically and without guilt or remorse." She goes on to say, "For once 'romance' is being downplayed and the 'real' thing is at the forefront. No problem really except that there are different strokes for different folks and to that extent everyone who treads there needs to know herself well enough and needs to choose whether they can handle what would ensue from this kind of experimentation." Dr Parul Tank, consultant psychiatrist, feels it's an interesting concept as it gives women a chance to screen guys before they decide to meet them. However, it can be dangerous because even though you are choosing men on the basis of personality types you can never be sure if what you see is what you get."

How long to court before you commit

Your courtship might be a fairy-tale romance and marriage is the next thing that is on your mind.

But do you think you have spent enough time with your would-be partner or know him/her well enough to stay with them forever? If you have the slightest doubt, then hold on because before you realise it you may not even like to be in the same room as that person.

The latest example being of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphery's larger than life wedding. The couple tied the knot after dating for less than a year in a lavish ceremony but their marriage was a 'big mistake' as Kim has been heard quoting. This is not the first time such a thing has happened and there is a awfully long list of famous people who married rather impulsively.

Says psychiatrist, Anjali Chabria, "More than time it is about how realistic you are about the relationship. They do not see the warning signs even if they are right in front of them and just hurry into tying the knot."

An international daily quotes that there is a brain chemical that is responsible for triggering the feeling of love. The chemical called Dopamine makes you feel overly positive which might make you overlook the fact that your union may not last that long.

This positive feeling wears off in about six months and that is when fights start happening and the generally cute habits become irritating.

A lot of times people do not realise that their future plans do not match and issues start cropping up later in the relation, according to marriage counsellar Riddhi Patel. "There have to be common goals with respect to children, money, work etc. And for all this you need to spend time with each other before getting married," she says.

For first time parents

The first year of your baby's life can be an overwhelming and exciting one. Don't expect to be great and perfect at everything you do - everyone learns from scratch. Here are some of the most common mistakes that parents make during their baby's first year and how you can avoid them...

Getting anxious over everything
It's OK if your baby is spitting, vomiting or crying. Don't get stressed over it all the time. Your baby's bowel movements will get normal soon. Don't worry if your baby is spitting too much of if he/ she is getting enough to eat or whether the crying is more than usual. Pose all your doubts to your pediatrician and put your fears to rest.

Worried about crying
No matter what, your baby will cry - it does not mean that you're doing something wrong and that you need to fix it. Babies are designed to cry. You can change your baby's nappy, wrap them up, feed them and they might still cry. Don't freak out - more often than not, crying is just part of being a newborn. However, if you baby cries inconsolably for more than an hour, call your doctor.

Waking your baby up for milk
Your baby will cry for milk when he/ she requires it. Avoid waking them up in the middle of the night just because you think they might be hungry. Breastfed babies can sleep through the night. If they need milk, they will wake up themselves. Don't spoil your own or your baby's sleep if feeding isn't required.

Confusing vomit and spit up
All babies spit up. Don't think that they're throwing up their meal. If your baby is vomiting at regular intervals (around 25 to 30 minutes), something could be wrong.

Fixing a car seat
Taking your three-month-old baby out for a drive may seem like fun but make sure that the car seat you've installed is fixed properly. Ask for help if you aren't sure. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Forgetting oral care
Just because your baby doesn't have teeth, doesn't mean they don't need oral care. Take a soft cloth and gently dab your infant's gums. Once teeth start erupting, avoid giving your baby a bottle in bed. This will help avoiding cavities or baby bottle decay. You can start using a soft tooth brush meant for babies when your child turns one.

Arguing with your partner
Remember that parenting is a shared partnership. While taking joint decisions are fine, don't try to put your partner down by making them feel they are inadequate and don't neglect your marriage either. While you both focus on the new baby, don't forget that you're also a couple. If you find yourself arguing a lot with each other, remember that even a four-month-old baby can pick up vibes.

Listening to all and sundry about parental advice
How many people have advised you on how to hold your baby, how to feed and burp him/her, why your baby is crying and how he/she should be bathed? While suggestions are always welcome, don't act in haste and do what everyone has to say. Your child is unique - what works for another child may not work for yours.

Love at gene junction!

Anew dating trend could be the modern version of matching birth astro charts before deciding on a life partner.

Termed 'DNA Dating', the practice is being encouraged by a DNA matchmaking website based abroad that may see the end of compatibility tests. All you would have to do is brush a couple of Q-tips across your mouth and send the swabs to a lab along with those of your partner to find out if you are 'made for each other'.

The X and Y of DNA dating
Genetic compatibility is still being researched and while it provides the base for many sci-fi novels, it could very well play a vital role in how we choose our life partner in the future. The idea being expounded is that if your DNA matches with your partner, you are more likely to love their natural body fragrance, which means you would be very satisfied with your sex life, and would have a high probability of producing the healthiest possible children. Commenting on how DNA dating can influence our relationship choices in the future, physician Dr Altaf Patel says, "DNA matches are the most sensible way to mate. It's an arranged marriage of a different sort to get the best progeny. Animals, particularly lions, are attracted to each other with the best DNA match. There is some conjecture that this happens in humans as well."

Would you try it?
Actress Shazahn Padamsee feels the concept is interesting, but it's something she would not want to opt for personally. She says, "It's a great idea but personally I would first prefer to get to know the person rather than his DNA. I want to be with someone who makes me happy. When getting into a relationship that would be my primary goal, to find someone who keeps me happy. Compatibility and everything else would come second."

Genetic testing does not guarantee emotional chemistry. Designer Elisha W says, "Love for me cannot be so biological or chemical, that I have to get a lab test done to find if my soulmate is compatible. I would try a more spiritual test rather than a genetic one to find out if he's my soulmate. It isn't just about gene compatibility, but a meeting of two hearts. I'd keep it that way." Ashish Pandey, another designer, agrees and adds, "Genetic compatibility is one thing, but what if there's no emotional involvement or romance. I don't think the relationship would last very long. Even if the genetic test shows brilliant results, and we can produce great children, what if there's no emotional or sexual chemistry? That would spell disaster for the relationship."

Astro charts v/s DNA dating
Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, says, "If only the maintenance of relationships was in our genes! Good long-term relating depends on many factors, apart from natural body fragrance or having small differences in 'alleles'. Temperamental compatibility, ideological similarities, goals of life, value and philosophical outlook, these and many more augur well for good healthy relationships. Even in the case of single people, taking only DNA into consideration may well spell doom."

She adds, "It's unlikely to work in India because we don't 'think' too much when we make life partnership choices. The concept of parents deciding for us still exists. As a community we are not scientific in our approach and would rather bank on the horoscopes and stars, rather than on scientific data. To break mindsets from mumbo jumbo to science will take some doing. Plus, costs involved may also dissuade a person from considering this option, plus the belief that marriages are made in heaven, so why tamper with them on earth?"

Dr Kurien S Thomas, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and wellness therapist, adds, "To the crowd that needs proof for everything, this test can prove effective for showing your compatibility quotient on paper. Otherwise, your own heart and mind will tell you when you meet your soulmate. Love can be only felt and not seen in a test with pass/fail results. Sex is not just for procreation, but also for intimacy between couples. If you are with your soulmate, you will not only enjoy the physical expression of true love, but benefit psychologically too."

Pros and cons of opting for DNA dating
It minimises the error in making choices and narrows selection. Thus, you have only a handful of people to choose from, reducing the risk of going wrong. It's a probabilistic measure and not a foolproof indicator. Banking only on these indicators may spell trouble. And then genes don't consider factors like incompatible areas, growing apart as many individuals do in longterm relating, etc. Costs may be a factor, too. It may make the choice too clinical and may not work for all. It kills romance and the excitement of adventure and thrill that comes along with falling in love. Every person is not so 'practical' and it may not go down well with the romantics.

6 Marriage Mistakes for Men

Men, we don’t mean to nag, but you may be making mistakes that risk ruining your marriage. In fact, if you are a typical man, you are likely making several, and making them often.

Don’t believe us? Ask your wife. Now, before you get all defensive, this isn't about blame. These aren't ridiculous relationship mistakes -- they're the subtle things that you might not even know you're doing. And changing these habits could make a big difference to your wife -- and that can only be good for you.

Recognizing these mistakes and making efforts to correct them will not only help your marriage, it may also help your health -- and that of your spouse.

Over time, negative feelings in a relationship that aren't addressed can lead to physical and psychological problems, says Silver Spring, Md.-based psychologist Gloria Vanderhorst, PhD.

“Stress develops in the relationship for each partner, though for different reasons,” she says. “Typically by the time that a couple comes into treatment this stress has triggered anxiety or depression in one or both of them.”

Below are several common mistakes that men make with their wives, how to recognize them, and – most important – what you can do to correct them.

1. Not showing empathy.

Empathy is the most important part of any relationship, says psychologist Albert Maslow, PhD. It’s the ability to recognize and share someone else’s feelings. And it’s something that, in general, women are better at than men. “Women want their feelings to be understood and validated,” says Maslow, who has a private practice in Crozet, Va. “Men have to discover this.”

Rather than simply listening, though, men tend to go into fix-it mode. That’s a mistake.

“If your wife tells you she feels ignored, for example, at that moment what she wants is for you to understand her feelings rather than talk about the facts,” Maslow says.

2. Reckless spending.

Making big purchases such as buying a car without first consulting your wife is a huge no-no, Vanderhorst says. In fact, she ranks it second only to infidelity when it comes to marriage-busting mistakes. And, she says, “Men tend to do it a lot.”

Why? Consciously or unconsciously, men frequently assign themselves the leadership role in the relationship. That, too, is a mistake, Vanderhorst says. “A couple’s relationship is a shared leadership position,” she says.

3. Being sexually selfish -- or clueless.

In the bedroom, men forget – or, worse, haven’t figured out – that their wives often need more than they do to get turned on, Maslow says.

“Affection, making her feel loved and needed -- that’s basic for her to feel aroused,” Maslow says. “Older men usually catch on, but young men are especially unaware of this.”

Vanderhorst says turning a woman on begins well before the lights go down. “Men perceive sex as a sufficient means of being close, of having a connection,” she says. “But women want a connection prior to having sex.”

4. Listening the wrong way.

Listening does not mean nodding along as your wife explains what is bothering her, all the while thinking up ways to fix the problem. “Men tend to analyze situations and generate options,” Vanderhorst says. “That’s guaranteed to make your wife go ballistic.”

What she most often wants is to talk things out, and she wants you to be actively engaged in the conversation, not by trying to be the hero and save the day, but by demonstrating an interest in what she is saying and caring about what she is experiencing emotionally, Vanderhorst says.

“This is not passive,” she says. “Listening to establish a connection is an active process.”

5. Shelving your feelings.

Listening to your wife talk about her feelings is essential. So is talking about your own.

Many men, however, think they need to hide their feelings or risk being seen as weak. That’s a mistake.

Not sharing your emotions can be a real downer for your wife, Maslow says. “The woman feels like she’s missing a close connection that she wants with her husband. When he’s withdrawn, she feels like he is leaving her.”

Maslow acknowledges that getting men to open up can be difficult, but he also says it shows strength. “Growing up, a man learns that he can’t let others know when he’s scared. But opening up is taking a risk, and that takes courage.”

6. Going on a power trip.

Being a man does not mean being in charge – many men don’t get that. “That’s one of the mistakes men often make,” Maslow says. “They try to get what they want by being dominant. But it’s not about making demands or trying to overpower her. Women will pull away from that.”

Vanderhorst agrees. She says that the “power position” that men often put themselves in essentially negates the relationship, which must be reciprocal, supportive, and caring. “Our best selves emerge in the context of our relationships with others and not as an independent entity,” she says.

HAPPY ONAM

Rejuvenate greets you a HAPPY ONAM

Dog is no longer man's best friend!

Times of India,  Melissa D'costa

With the advent of tablet PCs and digital newspapers, you don't even need your faithful dog to fetch your morning paper for you anymore.
According to the findings of a new UK study, around 67 per cent of the people polled believed that their PC or other gadget had replaced the dog as their faithful companion. Sheena Thomas, a working professional who is married to a software technician, claims the findings of the study mirror what's happening in her life, "My husband and I cannot have kids. Our pet dog Ginger became a replacement for that void in our lives. However, my husband's addiction to the internet changed that. He started neglecting us; he had no time to attend to our dog's needs or mine." So, is this the end of the road for man's original best friend?
"It definitely looks that way," says clinical psychologist Seema Hingorrany, adding, "Human beings have become slaves to technology and gadgets. Smart phones, laptops, XBoxes and Playstations are just some of the many gadgets that have become an integral part of their lives. Addiction to gadgets is on the rise; so much so that people feel incomplete or lost without them."

Dr Kurien S Thomas, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, counsellor and wellness therapist adds, "I think more than the PC or laptop, it's cellphones that have become man's new best friends. People feel handicapped without their cellphone. I remember dealing with a patient who had come to me for counselling but forgot his cellphone at home. He was so restless during my interaction with him. He only settled down once he got his cellphone back. One of the main reasons for this kind of dependence on gadgets is that we can carry them with us 24/7, while there are restrictions on where we can take our pets. These are not applicable to our gadgets. Besides they are low maintenance and keep us occupied and entertained."
Even though it looks like the ever-faithful dog is taking a backseat, they still have a role to play in our lives and no gadget or gizmo can replace them believes Dr Hitesh Swali. The vet comes down heavily on the study, slamming it saying, "This poll ignores the fact that you simply can't compare an inanimate object to a pet. A computer and a dog can never be compared because you cannot receive love or affection from a gadget. You can't replace a pet with a gizmo. While I don't deny that some people are so pre-occupied with gadgets that they don't have time for a pet, that does not mean that people will stop keeping one or that they have been replaced by a gadget simply because they are two different entities that serve very different needs."

To forgive is to heal

If forgiveness is divine, as Alexander Pope once wrote it was, then it is an aspect of the religious that we are called on to imitate, as much for our own good as for that of others. 

When we are wounded by someone's thoughtlessness, rejection or deliberate cruelty, we have two options before us: We can try to get even or pretend that we haven't been hurt. The other option is to forgive.

Newspaper Agony Aunt Abigail Van Buren of "Dear Abby" fame once asked women readers if any of them had forgiven an unfaithful husband and had since had a happy marriage. The response was overwhelming. One woman wrote: "What a grand and glorious thing it is to rise above the pain." Others admitted that it wasn't easy to forgive, but they consistently recommended "the rewards of forgiveness, the futility of harbouring a grudge" had made them do the unthinkable, that is, to forgive. 

The most popular misconception about forgiveness is that when we forgive, we forget. Most of the time, we don't forget. The woman who forgives her husband's philandering is not asked to forget his weakness, but rather not to let the negative behaviour direct their lives and stand in the way of building emotional bridges.

Try forgiving a friend who betrays your confidence, or a co-worker who lies about you. When the real effort of forgiveness takes place, it's not easy at all; instinct urges us to pay back in kind. There is usually a pause between the anguish and the time when trust and love can take root again. Forgiveness is part of a process that begins with suffering and ends, as its final and long-range goal, with the event of reconciliation. It works only when we become aware of the depths and causes of the anger burning in us so that we can forgive wholeheartedly and ensure an enduring peace. A particularly helpful exercise in the process of forgiveness is to try to understand the one who is wounding us as a person, and not just as the cause of our pain.

Forgiveness should come from within, and not be a mere show of magnanimity; it should help the forgiver in all future dealings with the person who is forgiven.

A declaration of forgiveness may appear as naive, weak, utopian - sometimes even outrageous. Indeed, those were the sentiments of many members of theDexter Avenue Baptist Church of Montgomery, Alabama, USA. The parishioners had endured harassments, threats, beatings and even house bombings. They gathered in 1955 at Dexter for guidance from their pastor, the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. His message was simple: When Jesus said, "Love your enemy, he meant every word of it. We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity."

We cannot escape from this prison of birth and death until we have cleared our karmic account; Jesus said we should ask forgiveness of those we have wronged, while we are still living in this world.

Forgiveness depends on the situation and the people involved. In the end, all forgivers do the same thing: they restore self-worth to the offender, they cancel a debt; they experience such peace that they lose the urge to retaliate, and live as freer persons, unshackled by the weight of the suffering. 

Beauty tips for natural beauty

Source: Times of India - Rejuvenate

The popular saying beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder may hold true to an extent, but restricting beauty to a phrase is not fair, especially when we can make use of various natural beauty tips to enhance our looks and overall appearance. Today, the beauty stores are flooded with a vast range of chemical beauty products. Though the “look” and “feel” of these big brands may often tempt us, we should never forget the benefits of using homemade beauty and skincare recipes, organic beauty products and natural beauty products.

Free Beauty Tips

1. Sleeping on your back will prevent many wrinkles and breakouts on your face, and even wrinkles in your cleavage area.

2. Wearing clothes that are tight make you look heavier. Even a slim girl can bulge over too-tight jeans.

3. Put on a coat of clear nail polish before a colored polish to keep your nails from discoloring.

4. Being angry really does take away from your beauty now and will result in more wrinkles later.

5. Wearing less make-up makes you look younger.

6. Vitamins and minerals are needed for health and beauty, but more is not always better. Too much Vitamin A or Selenium can cause hair loss. There is nothing beautiful about losing your hair.

7. If you are unhappy with a hair conditioner, it will still make a great “shaving cream” for your legs in the shower.

8. When shaving, don’t stretch the skin or you could cause ingrown hairs by shaving hair off slightly under the skin.

9. Drink plenty of water and get eight hours of sleep every day.

10. Tighten bra straps as they stretch out, or buy a new bra when they can’t tighten any further, to keep the bosom looking young and perky.

11. Instead of shaving over and over, with the hairs coming in darker and thicker each time, try waxing. Waxing to remove hair will result in softer hairs each time and result in permanent hair loss after a few sessions. Aussie Nad’s is an all-natural product which is easy to use.

12. Sleeping on two or three pillows at a time, or on an Acid Reflux Sleep Wedge will help get rid of dark circles under your eyes.

13. Exercise while dieting is a must or your skin will be too large (and saggy) for your smaller body. It is much, much tougher to tighten skin after your body shrinks than as you go.

14. After washing your face, rinse in cold water (fair-skinned people should use cool instead of cold) to close the pores and tighten the facial muscles.

15. If you are out of quick-dry spray for nails, dip your fingers into a bowl of ice-cold water. (Don’t to touch the sides of the bowl.) Your nails will dry very quickly.

16. Good posture can make you look much slimmer.

17. Wearing a low heel will give you better posture than wearing flat shoes.

18. Renew thick nail polish by adding a few drops of fingernail polish remover to the bottle.

19. Make a nail polish bottle not get stuck closed, put a thin coat of Vaseline inside the lid.

20. Clean hair brushes occasionally with dish soap and borax. In a dishpan of very warm water, add 1/2 cup of borax and a few drops of liquid dish soap. Swish the brushes to stir, rinse, and let air dry. Scrub any stubborn spots with a used toothbrush.

Author: Dr.Mike Boucher

10 Things a woman should know

Source: Times of India

We list 10 things every woman should know.

1. Calling you does not mean we are hitting on you
Most men are left wondering that why's it that just because he called you, you assumed he wants you to fill in the post of his girlfriend. He may actually just want to hang out with you.

2. You are much prettier without all that makeup
Your basic foundation and kajal is fine, but layers upon layers of makeup only makes you unappealing to your guy. So keep it simple.

3. When you act giggly, it's seriously embarrassing
When you spot your gang of girls while you are out with your boyfriend, don't squeal and go giggly or jump up and down. Most men find it extremely childish.

4. Gossiping, whispering and writing notes makes you look shallow
When you pass notes or whisper when you and your friends are sitting at a table along with others makes it seem like you are still in your classroom.

5. Boys worry about what you think of their hair, skin, weight and clothes
Do tell your boyfriend if you think his new haircut makes him look cute or if his favourite T-shirt needs to be done away with.

6. PMS is no excuse to be mean
Yes, men do understand that every month you are likely to get crabby for a few days, but that's not reason enough to be mean and cranky all the time.

7. Talking about your butt is boring
It's a known fact that no boyfriend - who doesn't want to be dumped - will ever tell his girfriend that she is looking fat. So no in point discussing, arguing and then discussing some more, about weight issues with your boyfriend.

8. Tight clothes make you look sort of desperate and insecure
You may be in shape but anything that amounts to too much skin show is not going to be appreciated by your boyfriend. Don't keep showing how desperate you are. It can be a big put off if the guy is serious about you.

9. Most boys are looking for the right girl
It's not just women who are looking for Mr Right, but boys are looking out for their Miss Perfect too. So don't be scared to play the love game.

10. If you like him, just tell him
Don't pretend to ignore him and then cry when he asks another girl out for dinner. If he's interested in you, and if you feel the same way then respond. Don't keep the guy waiting too long.

Is your woman faking it in bed?

Source: Times of India

Dr Suman Bijlani lists women's common sexual concerns and what they mean for men

Wonder why your wife/girlfriend seems "off sex" of late? Why does she complain of a headache just when you are in the mood? Fact is, as with men, sex is a big issue for women too. Only, due to conditioning or lack of awareness, most women don't articulate them.

Generally, women realise they have sexual problems only when:
» It affects their relationship
» Their partner starts complaining
» When they are depressed
» When they themselves get involved in an extra-marital affair.

Also, the nature of problems differs slightly with age.

Younger women:
Sexual problems relate more to body image issues and 'performance anxiety'. Especially if they feel sex is the only way they can hold on to their relationship.

Older women:
Sex boils down to a chore or duty after years of marriage/relationship. It then manifests in pains, aches, lack of orgasm and other physical symptoms.

The bottomline:
Don't blame your dull sex life on her PMS or mood swings. Gynaecologist Dr Suman Bijlani of Gyneguide tells you how to read between the lines.

Problem: Lack of interest
Message: Foreplay continues throughout the day
A woman wants her man to make her feel special throughout the day. This sets up her mood for the special night. In a marriage, being interested in the house or taking care of the children is important. Conflicts with kids affects her relationship with her husband.
Hence make that special effort to show you care - through messages, gifts, a special outing etc.

Problem: Poor body image
Message: I want to feel beautiful when I'm with you
A woman might shy away from intercourse due to poor body image - a result of low self-esteem. If her partner nags her about her lack of perfection, it can affect her sexual confidence. It's foolhardy to say things like 'your hips are too wide' or 'breasts are too small' and later expect her to perform in bed. For a woman, the only solution is to work on herself as a person. Men get attracted by a woman's confidence.

Problem: Faking it
Message: Orgasm isn't everything
Men tend to focus only on orgasm, but often for a woman, great foreplay is enough. Hence, ensure she is happy with the quality of sex. If she fakes an orgasm, it means she isn't satisfied and doesn't trust you enough to tell you. Such a behaviour points to chinks in the relationship, hence work on them first.

Problem: Frequency issues
Message: I am no sex machine
Some men want sex every day, but with women, many other factors need to be in place. There is no ideal time or frequency for sex,but if the frequency of desire is very disparate, seek help. If a woman is stressed or has resentments towards her man, it reflects in lack of interest in sex.

Problem: Pain during sex
Message: Be considerate in bed
A common problem, painful intercourse can result from vaginal infection or if the partner is very aggressive. Pain is of two types. Superficial pain: which occurs at the time of insertion. Or deep pain: that's usually pathological or due to endometriosis or infections. This needs to be taken seriously. Using a lubricant or increasing foreplay can help.

Problem: Body odour
Message: Please be pleasant
Both men and women can suffer from fungal infections, tinea infection and similar problems that lead to body odour. To stimulate a woman's interest in sex, it is essential that the man maintains a pleasant personality and smells good as well. Taking the point further, he should make an effort to look good for his woman. It leads to a better response in bed.

Problem: Fear of pregnancy
Message: Take care of protection
It's often the fear of pregnancy that makes women shy away from sex. For good sex, it's important for both partners to be equally aware and responsible for contraception.

Handling depression during divorce

- Dr. Kurien S. Thomas, Effective Living Clinic, Vashi, Navi Mumbai - Rejuvenate

Marriage is said to be made in Heaven but then where does then divorce come from? I am sure nobody gets married for a divorce. Many people sometimes do not want to enter divorce but are forced to either due to family pressure or from friends who misguide to the ultimatum without thinking pros and cons of divorce. Hence, in my practice I have found that people enter divorce to please somebody they confide in more than their spouse. It is heartening to know that true love does not exist among spouses that give room for others to peep in to create vacuum between couples. There can be many reasons to claim that divorce in the right choice in a particular relationship but many times we do not rethink or look for possibilities that can save a marriage. The responsibility to save a marriage lies solely in the hands of married spouses in that particular relationship. Once a lady said; every time I find Mr Right my husband scares him away. It is equal responsibility of a husband and a wife to keep marital chord intact.

Albert Einstein once said: ‘Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.’

For many people divorce is too hard to deal with though it is not an immediate decision but something you see coming in the long way. Factors such as feeling of helplessness, frustration, anger, sadness, loneliness, sleeplessness and above all guilt seeps into the minds of the couple thus making room from depression and stress. Whatever may the reason be, both spouses do face depression to some extent. You cannot live with such negative feelings but try to give your life a meaning.

Never put yourself down, let the bygones be bygones and do not compare with others. Do not forget to laugh and make your surroundings positive enough to feel comfortable. When you feel out of control, reach out to someone who can help you genuinely or rush to a counselor. 

Few tips to handle depression during divorce:

1. Talk:

Try to talk about your feelings about divorce to someone with whom you can confide with utmost secrecy.

Talk to your parents, children and others who are too close to you about your decision. Perhaps they can

help you. There have been cases where talk between spouses helped them to sort out their differences. (Mature approach is needed to handle it this way). Never try to come to conclusion quickly. Try to talk to your spouses in sentences rather than in paragraphs.

2. Seek help:

Counselors are the best source to seek help as they would look into all angles of your case helping you to find out an optimum solution to your existing problem. There have been cases where discussions with counsellor along with your spouse helped in reunion (Best option). Honourable court too would love to see patch-ups instead of divorce.

3. Diet:

There is no special diet for those facing divorce proceedings. It is important to note that you need to hydrate well so that your body has enough fluid to keep it hydrated well. Eat fresh fruits and nuts to keep your energy level up. Do not much on junk as they make you feel loaded but lots of unwanted calories leading to health issues. Consult your physician to add few supplements to balance your body requirements.

4. Work it out:

Apart from trying to work-out a solution to save your marriage, which could be egoistic but certainly worth letting it go to enjoy mutual consent to reunion, you have to work out your physical body to keep it fit. Try to walk, cycle, swim, hit the gym or try yoga to remain healthy. Try to meditate, think positively for positive outcomes so that you get to think in all direction when reaching out for solutions.

5. Engage yourself:

It is read idle mind is devil’s workshop. Try to engage yourself in some social activity or develop hobbies that can

keep you busy and help you to channelize your energy levels in the right direction.

In a symposium on health, a married man said it is not true that married men live longer than single men…it just seems longer.

Well let me remind you that secret of a happy marriage still remains secret. Keep Smiling.

Dr. Kurien S. Thomas is a certified & qualified Clinical Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Counsellor, Life Coach, Registered Medical Practitioner in Alternative Medicines & YogaTherapist. He has completed M.S, M.D (Doctor of Medicine in Alternative Medicines), certified & qualified Yoga Therapist from University of Mumbai, Founder and Executive Director of EFFECTIVE LIVING CLINIC and creator of K Yoga Therapy. He is registered with Indian Board of Alternative Medicines, which is recognized by the W.H.O (World Health Organisation) and U.N (United Nations). 

Tips to overcome alcohol addiction syndrome

- Dr. Kurien S. Thomas, Effective Living Clinic, Vashi, Navi Mumbai : Rejuvenate

The thought to stop drinking itself shows that you have realised that consuming alcohol is no more a habit but a syndrome. Alcoholism not only takes toll on your physical health and mind it also disturbs your surrounding; thus creating a nuisance to the people around. Regular uncontrolled consumption of alcohol does leads you to diabetes, heart ailments, cholesterol, obesity, arthritis, nervous disorder and the list go on. Getting into this syndrome was not a choice but accident. There were many reasons that lead you into it. To understand it better reach out to a Counselor who could help you in identifying the various reasons that could have lead you in it and follow his/her instructions carefully to get out of this unpleasant behaviour. It is not impossible but does require enough motivation, courage and will power to say ‘NO’ to drinking alcohol. 

1. Only you can help

There is none who can help you to get rid of this syndrome but you yourself. If you trust in yourself then you can.

2. Seek professional help

Psychotherapist & Counselors can only guide you, but it’s you who has to strive hard to get out of it. Family members too have to be counselled on the ways and tips to help their loved ones to get out of this addiction. An advice to family members is never leave those addicted with alcohol on a neglected note but lead them with enough patience to get them, back on track. Good will power is essential along with motivation to help you get over it.

3. Get motivated

Discover non addictive motivational techniques to help you channelize your way out of alcoholism. You could chew some candies or strawberries when you get sensation to sip some alcohol. There are various other options that you could try out to get enough motivation. Involve your family members in this process.

4. No short cuts

There are no short cuts in getting out of alcohol addiction syndrome. It is not an instant change but a gradual process in getting this syndrome under check. Medication under guidance of a registered medical practitioner has to be administered as prescribed by them under the advice to withdraw medication. Seek support of your family members who are the real source of help to get you out of it. Involve them to help you take medical assistance on timely basis so that you get enough support.

5. Change your life style
Change in life style is very essential to make those addicted with alcohol to lead a life of positive change. A total detoxification is very essential both in physical and emotional self. If you want to stop drinking, stay away from people you used to hang around. These are your drinking buddies that can influence your motivation. Tell them that you are committed to quit drinking and you are staying sober. You should also talk to your parents and family regarding your decision to stop drinking alcohol. They are the people that can really help you with your endeavours. They will support and help you to stop drinking because they know it is the best thing you should do. They will give you the inspiration as well.Just as you begin the journey of stopping drinking alcohol, let yourself be ready to all the consequences and negative effects that you will meet along the way. They are obstacles that can easily destroy your willpower and end up a looser. You should not give up but stand up to make a difference. Your life depends on your decision to stop drinking and maintain sobriety so be sure to make it a better and a positive one. There are many ways to stop drinking alcohol and beat alcoholism. Please continue trying to stop drinking on your own and I am sure you can beat alcohol addiction. K Yoga therapy does have innovative techniques to help you get a healthier body and mind. Try to follow the tips mentioned above to bring positivism in your life.

Dr. Kurien S. Thomas is a certified & qualified Clinical Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Counsellor, Life Coach, Registered Medical Practitioner in Alternate Medicines & YogaTherapist. He has completed M.S, M.D (Doctor of Medicine in Alternative Medicines), certified & qualified Yoga Therapist from University of Mumbai, Founder and Executive Director of EFFECTIVE LIVING CLINIC and creator of K Yoga Therapy. He is registered with Indian Board of Alternative Medicines, which is recognized by the W.H.O (World Health Organisation) and U.N (United Nations).