Love me? Then give me your password!

Gen-i has a new test for intimacy - sharing passwords. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't!

A recent survey claims that 30% of teenagers who use the internet have shared at least one personal online password with a friend or a significant other. The study also says that girls are twice as likely as boys to give away their secret codes. Strange as it may sound, it is beginning to be considered as a sign of trust and intimacy among youngsters.

BFFs share everything
That girlie bonding between two BFFs ( Best Friends Forever) has now extended to sharing passwords. "My best friend and I share everything, and never keep a secret from each other, then why not our passwords? She checks my social networking page and informs me immediately if my crush comments on my picture, and I can check her mails and see which forward mail in her inbox I'd like for myself, etc. It's just fun," says Shweta Pahujani, 19, a fashion designing student.

Some have a serious reason too. "Ever since that b**ch in my class blocked me from her Facebook list, I took my best friend's password to check her account for that girl's updates. She got clicked with my boyfriend... &%*#$..." details a livid Aakriti Menon, 16, a class XI student. Another curious case is of photographer Ayesha Sharma, 22, who feels that sharing passwords with her friend is important. Otherwise, who will keep her account active when she, ahem, dies? "I mean, people can refer to my account even after I am gone," she explains, "I share it with my best friend and I know she can be trusted. That way, maybe, I'd never die, at least not for my loved ones."

Do you love me? Then give me your password.
According to the study, passwords are being compared to sex in terms of intimacy and vulnerability. So, people need to share them to show that they trust their partner. More often than not, girls urge their boyfriends to share their passwords so that they can check if they're cheating on them, etc. The insecure ones even check their BFs' chat records to know 'woh us ladki se kya baat kar raha tha?'

"We know each other's passwords and I love to scan every single chat of his. Somehow, it gives me peace of mind to know that he is loyal to me. Surprisingly, he does not even talk about me with his friends, something I thought he did," discloses Manjari Malhotra, 23, a content writer. But as researchers warn, password-sharing can have dangerous implications. "My girlfriend demanded my password, scanned my chats, and later broke up with me, 'coz she was upset that I complimented my female classmate. I'm not doing this ever again in a relationship," rues Shivam Singh, 20, a law student.

Can't share your password? I'm breaking up
However, some people might suffer a breakup only because they did not share their passwords. Ruchi Anand, 22, recalls, "My boyfriend wanted my Facebook password, and I didn't want to give it. I wasn't comfortable with letting him read my and my best friend's girlie conversations. Eventually, we broke up."

What do they do with passwords?
- "When I found out that my best friend was dating the guy I had a crush on, I forwarded the two's online conversation to my friend's mom. She got the lesson of her life."

- "I learnt that my boyfriend was dating multiple girls. So I used his password and sent a hate mail to all those girls. They dumped him, I dumped him too. My revenge was over."

- I sent a love letter to our class teacher from my ex's account. He still doesn't know who did it."

Top 10 travel tips for couples

No matter how much you are looking forward to spending some quality time with that special someone, traveling together can be a bit stressful; regardless of whether you have been married for decades or are just testing the waters as a couple. So what can you do to ensure a blissful getaway?Hotels.com, the global hotels expert, brings you some surefire ways to keep the fires burning without getting burnt.

Both contribute to the planning: It’s important that you both feel like you have a part in the trip’s success. A site, like hotels.com, is great because you can check out all accommodations from bed & breakfasts to boutique hotels, vacation rentals to spa resorts. Take the virtual tours, read the guest reviews, check out the location relative to the sites you want to see and book it, together.

Work with each other’s strengths: During planning, if one of you is a savvy researcher then perhaps that person can do the destination investigation while the other could be responsible for booking the flights or hotels. Working with each other’s strengths is even more important while traveling. Who’s the control freak (I mean backseat driver) between the two of you? Come on! Admit it?! Maybe you should drive while your partner navigates. Don’t be afraid to play to each other’s strengths versus struggling through a situation.

Pace yourselves: Rome wasn’t built in a day and you can’t see it all in one either. Trust me! I know how fantastic it is to be on vacation sans work and children, but take time for the small moments and some relaxation. Factor in downtime for your vacation as well as extra time while sightseeing.  You never know when you will want to spend some additional time in a museum, on the beach, or sampling the vineyard’s newest harvest. And you’ll appreciate not having the pressure to be on time or the disappointment of missing out on an opportunity.

Communicate: Seems simple enough, right? Are you tired? Are you hungry? Do you want to stay in this town for another day? How quickly we forget that we are not mind readers. Be sure to let your sweetheart know what you’re thinking before it’s too late to do something about it. When traveling, you are out of your normal rhythm and routine so it’s important that you are sharing your needs and desires even if you are used to your honey knowing what those things are.

Take time for yourself: It’s important on vacation to have some time for you, whether to relax or explore.  That’s when the tips above are most useful by working together, communicating and taking the time to really enjoy your trip; you should be able to get some coveted “me time”.  For example, you could check out the local village shops while he takes in a round of golf.

Do not disturb: Our sleep patterns can really wreak havoc with our vacations. Is your sweetie a snorer? Plan ahead and pack those earplugs.  Who’s the morning person? Be kind to your special someone and allow her that precious time to sleep-in by perhaps following the tip above for your “me time” and take a walk around town or read a few chapters of that book you have been wanting to peruse.

Try something new to both of you: If you frequent the same destination then make sure you change it up by finding something new to do each time you go.  Experiencing something for the first time is a great way to bring a couple closer together. So whether the destination is new to you or perhaps it’s that zip-line adventure that you both have always wanted to try, give it a whirl…together.

Budgets and splurges: Let’s face it money is often an issue for most couples.  It is important for a couple to understand their vacation budget, if they have one, before they embark on their trip.  It’s not fair to either person to feel constrained or overly frugal while traveling.  So know before you go! Allow and anticipate for splurges like dinner at that trés romantic restaurant you stumbled upon or a piece of locally created art.

Use the hotel concierge: Here’s what frequent travelers know; the concierge can make things happen. They often have discount tickets to area attractions, know the best restaurants and want to help make your hotel stay special. Tell the concierge if your stay is to celebrate a birthday, anniversary, etc. and see how he/she can help you make it memorable.

You don’t have to go far to get away: A vacation is merely a break for the ordinary.  And sometimes staying in a nearby resort can feel like you are one million miles away. A staycation, or vacation close to home, is often a great way for new couples to test the traveling together waters as well as to have some fun. It’s also a great way for couples with children to have some alone time without the worry that comes with traveling away from your children.

 

Effective Living Clinic

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Navi Mumbai 400703

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www.effectivelivingclinic.com

Love at gene junction!

Anew dating trend could be the modern version of matching birth astro charts before deciding on a life partner.

Termed 'DNA Dating', the practice is being encouraged by a DNA matchmaking website based abroad that may see the end of compatibility tests. All you would have to do is brush a couple of Q-tips across your mouth and send the swabs to a lab along with those of your partner to find out if you are 'made for each other'.

The X and Y of DNA dating
Genetic compatibility is still being researched and while it provides the base for many sci-fi novels, it could very well play a vital role in how we choose our life partner in the future. The idea being expounded is that if your DNA matches with your partner, you are more likely to love their natural body fragrance, which means you would be very satisfied with your sex life, and would have a high probability of producing the healthiest possible children. Commenting on how DNA dating can influence our relationship choices in the future, physician Dr Altaf Patel says, "DNA matches are the most sensible way to mate. It's an arranged marriage of a different sort to get the best progeny. Animals, particularly lions, are attracted to each other with the best DNA match. There is some conjecture that this happens in humans as well."

Would you try it?
Actress Shazahn Padamsee feels the concept is interesting, but it's something she would not want to opt for personally. She says, "It's a great idea but personally I would first prefer to get to know the person rather than his DNA. I want to be with someone who makes me happy. When getting into a relationship that would be my primary goal, to find someone who keeps me happy. Compatibility and everything else would come second."

Genetic testing does not guarantee emotional chemistry. Designer Elisha W says, "Love for me cannot be so biological or chemical, that I have to get a lab test done to find if my soulmate is compatible. I would try a more spiritual test rather than a genetic one to find out if he's my soulmate. It isn't just about gene compatibility, but a meeting of two hearts. I'd keep it that way." Ashish Pandey, another designer, agrees and adds, "Genetic compatibility is one thing, but what if there's no emotional involvement or romance. I don't think the relationship would last very long. Even if the genetic test shows brilliant results, and we can produce great children, what if there's no emotional or sexual chemistry? That would spell disaster for the relationship."

Astro charts v/s DNA dating
Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, says, "If only the maintenance of relationships was in our genes! Good long-term relating depends on many factors, apart from natural body fragrance or having small differences in 'alleles'. Temperamental compatibility, ideological similarities, goals of life, value and philosophical outlook, these and many more augur well for good healthy relationships. Even in the case of single people, taking only DNA into consideration may well spell doom."

She adds, "It's unlikely to work in India because we don't 'think' too much when we make life partnership choices. The concept of parents deciding for us still exists. As a community we are not scientific in our approach and would rather bank on the horoscopes and stars, rather than on scientific data. To break mindsets from mumbo jumbo to science will take some doing. Plus, costs involved may also dissuade a person from considering this option, plus the belief that marriages are made in heaven, so why tamper with them on earth?"

Dr Kurien S Thomas, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist and wellness therapist, adds, "To the crowd that needs proof for everything, this test can prove effective for showing your compatibility quotient on paper. Otherwise, your own heart and mind will tell you when you meet your soulmate. Love can be only felt and not seen in a test with pass/fail results. Sex is not just for procreation, but also for intimacy between couples. If you are with your soulmate, you will not only enjoy the physical expression of true love, but benefit psychologically too."

Pros and cons of opting for DNA dating
It minimises the error in making choices and narrows selection. Thus, you have only a handful of people to choose from, reducing the risk of going wrong. It's a probabilistic measure and not a foolproof indicator. Banking only on these indicators may spell trouble. And then genes don't consider factors like incompatible areas, growing apart as many individuals do in longterm relating, etc. Costs may be a factor, too. It may make the choice too clinical and may not work for all. It kills romance and the excitement of adventure and thrill that comes along with falling in love. Every person is not so 'practical' and it may not go down well with the romantics.

How to stop love from making you act like a fool

Source: Psychology Today

Falling in love makes otherwise smart and self-respecting people feel, and act, ridiculous.  This is a fact.  Whether it's finding pathetic excuses to call again when he doesn't call back right away, or scheming to run into her outside her office "by accident," I don't know anyone hasn't, at least once, gone a bit bonkers for new love.

It's not as if you don't at least suspect, when it's happening, that you're being an idiot.  But that doesn't help you, because you tackle your idiocy from the wrong end - you try, by sheer force of will, to purge yourself of your idiotic impulses.  This never, ever works.  Which is why, despite swearing to yourself and your friends that you are going to play it cool this time, you'll still end up sneaking off to the bathroom to check your messages again, for the twentieth time that day.  You need a better approach.

The fact of the matter is, you can't make yourself stop wanting to do dumb things when you have fallen hard for someone, any more than you can make yourself stop wanting cheesecake, or a cigarette, or a martini, or anything else that tempts you.   Take a moment to let that sink in, because it's really important.  I'll wait.

Now, the good news is that you can stop actually doing the things that make you look and feel like an idiot, despite the fact that you really want to do them, if you use the right strategy.  You can stop the compulsive voicemail and email-checking, the constant texting, and the Facebook stalking.  You can stop yourself from Googling his name (again).  You can shut out all those premature thoughts of what your wedding will be like, and what you'll name your children.  And when you're wondering on your second date if she has fallen in love with you yet, you can stop yourself from actually asking her.

The solution begins with embracing the idea that dating is like dieting.  Nobody loses weight by deciding that they just won't want calorie-rich food anymore.  You can't talk yourself out of wanting french fries. And if you're counting on the sheer force will to see you through when you feel tempted, you're going to end up eating a lot of french fries.   

The next step is to do some if-then planning.  Over a hundred scientific studies - on everything from diet and exercise to curbing spending and quitting smoking - have shown that deciding in advance how you will handle your impulses (e.g., "If I am hungry and want a snack, then I will choose a healthy option like fruit or veggies," "If I want to smoke, then I'll step outside and take a deep breath,") will double or triple your chances for success.

The key to a successful plan involves deciding what you will do instead.  So when you are taken by the desire to try to track him down on Facebook or Foursquare, or to leave the "not sure if you got my last message" message on her answering machine, what more productive, non-creepy behavior will you replace it with?  My mother once giving me some excellent advice about a boyfriend I was obsessing over.  "If you feel like calling him," she said, "then call me."  You don't have to call your mother when love messes with your head, but having some sort of plan in place is essential.

If-then plans are simple, easy to create, and extraordinarily effective when it comes to resisting temptation, edible or otherwise.  Just taking a moment to decide, in advance, how you will handle your less attractive impulses could mean the difference between finding Mr. Right, and seriously freaking him out.