Let’s make growing up fun

Balancing nutritional needs, adequate rest and replacing the word 'exercise' with 'activities' can bring a lot of enjoyment into growing up

You know how important exercising is for kids but are they ready to do it your way? Will they agree to go through your boring gym routine? Most probably not. What do you do then? India's leading holistic health guru Mickey Mehta says, "First of all it is important to switch the word 'exercise' with 'activity' and then make it interesting and fun for kids."

Daily activity: Fast-walking, jogging etc., work very well for kids and can be easily incorporated into their hectic daily lives. "Simple things like asking your child to take the stairs instead of the lift can work wonders," says Sunandita D, mother of a growing child.

Open up: After being confined to classrooms and travelling to and from schools for a major part of the day, children need to go out to open spaces. Games like chain, lock and key, catching the crook, kho-kho, kabbadi, tug-of-war, hide and seek, hoola hoops etc. can probably do more for them than your gym can. Kids should be taken to water bodies for swimming, rowing and water sports. "Their games should create a sense of excitement and non-aggressive competition - boot camp games like crawling on forearms, duck walking, getting into a gunny bag and then hopping a distance works well for kids," he adds.

Rest right: Children grow during sleep and it is important that they sleep for more than seven to eight hours say pediatricians. The 'early to bed' part is especially necessary. With demanding school hours, tuition classes, extra-curricular activity classes, they are drained and should be encouraged to sleep early rather than watch television till late in the night.

Nutrition needs: Along with exercising and activities you should make sure that your child has nutritious, wholesome food, says nutritionist Deepshikha Agarwal. "Kids do not eat the necessary amount of food most of the time, so it is essential to give them calorie-dense food so that they get required nutrition. Give them food while they are on the run - like salted almonds, walnuts and pistachios. Unsalted ones may not tempt kids much."

Deepshikha feels that food should always be within reach for kids. She says, "Always keep fruits on the table or counters, instead of fried and junk food packets. Keep flaxseed around in their bedroom; that will encourage them to snack on it instead of having chocolates or empty calories."

Breakfast well: Making your kids eat a healthy breakfast is important. Mickey says, "If parents think that giving them a bowl of milk and cereal is enough then they are wrong. Wholesome breakfast should include bananas, upma and poha, dates, figs, and stuffed parathas."

Divorce, depression plague Kerala’s youth

Even as God's own country boasts of a cent per cent literate population, the state tops the charts when it comes to suicide and divorce

Looks like God's Own Country is fast metamorphosing into the haven of two ominous Ds - depression and divorce. Statistics spanning over 2010-2011 point to an alarming increase in the number of suicides and divorces in Kerala. What exactly is happening to the state that announced its cent per cent literacy to the world years ago?

Till divorce do us part ...

Funny as it might sound, looks like special funds need to be allotted to set up family courts across the state, with the existing 16 teeming with divorce cases. For, anything from the partner's body odour to infidelity triggers divorce.

About 8 to 10 divorce cases are filed in each of these courts on a daily basis, reports say. From 8,456 divorce cases in 2005-06 to 11,600 in 2009-10, the statistics from recent months indicate only an increase in the number of broken families. Kerala accounts for 1.96 lakh of the nation's 23.43 lakh divorced or separated women. Says Krishnaprasad, a lawyer with the Kerala High Court, "When a woman registers a complaint against her husband, even on the basis of apprehension, he stands a good chance to get arrested. And once the arrest happens, where is the question of working out a compromise formula? It is their egos that will work out more than the compromise. There have been many cases where wives have misused the anti-dowry laws to blackmail their husbands."

The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act has many loopholes, lawyers point out. "It is a double-edged sword; 90% of people misuse it. Ironically, the law that has been intended to protect women have more or less boomeranged on them, with the number of sister-in-law and mother-in-law arrests also on the rise with this provision," they say. Interestingly, the capital city takes the lead in the number of divorces. As many as 6,000 divorces took place in the past few months alone in Thiruvananthapuram's family courts. Proposals have been mooted to set up one more family court in Thiruvananthapuram. The 18 family courts in the state had a total of 38,231 cases filed last year.

Most of the divorce cases filed at court are by couples who have lived together for less than five years. "Ours is a society where physical abuse of women is much less in comparison to other states; here, the reasons for marital discord are different - ego clash, economic independence, low tolerance levels, debt, drinking, infidelity and impotency - among others," says psychiatrist C J John.

Calling it a day...

Statistics show that more than 80% of suicides are committed by people between the ages of 15 and 59. It cannot be refuted that divorce brings with it a fair share of depression too, notwithstanding the fact that the social stigma attached to separated couples has reduced considerably over the years. "It is a fact that nearly 78% of suicides are committed by married individuals," says psychologist Balakrishnan, adding, "In many cases, couples can be talked into settling their differences amicably. Unfortunately, we do not have an effective counselling system in place."

Materialism makes people depressed

People who place a high value on wealth, status, and stuff are more depressed and anxious and less sociable than those who do not, say researchers.

They also indicated that materialism is not just a personal problem. It's also environmental.

"We found that irrespective of personality, in situations that activate a consumer mindset, people show the same sorts of problematic patterns in wellbeing, including negative affect and social disengagement," said Northwestern University psychologist Galen V. Bodenhausen.

Bodenhausen conducted the study with colleagues Monika A. Bauer, James E. B. Wilkie, and Jung K. Kim.

In two of four experiments, university students were put in a materialistic frame of mind by tasks that exposed them to images of luxury goods or words mobilizing consumerist values (versus neutral scenes devoid of consumer products or words without such connotations).

Completing questionnaires afterwards, those who looked at the pictures of cars, electronics, and jewellery rated themselves higher in depression and anxiety, less interested in social activities like parties, and more in solitary pursuits than the others.

Those primed to materialism by exposure to certain words evinced more competitiveness and less desire to invest their time in pro-social activities like working for a good cause.

In two other experiments, participants completed tasks that were framed as surveys-one of consumer responses, another of citizens.'

The first experiment involved moving words toward or away from the participant's name on a computer screen-positive and negative emotion words and "neutral" ones that actually suggested materialism (wealth, power), self-restraint (humble, discipline), transcendence of self, or self-indulgence.

The people who answered the "consumer response survey" more quickly "approached" the words that reflected materialistic values than those in the "citizen" survey.

The last experiment presented participants with a hypothetical water shortage in a well shared by four people, including themselves. The water users were identified either as consumers or individuals.

Might the collective identity as consumers-as opposed to the individual role-supersede the selfishness ordinarily stimulated by the consumer identity? No: The "consumers" rated themselves as less trusting of others to conserve water, less personally responsible and less in partnership with the others in dealing with the crisis.

The consumer status, the authors concluded "did not unite; it divided."

The findings have both social and personal implications, said Bodenhausen.

"It's become commonplace to use consumer as a generic term for people," in the news or discussions of taxes, politics, or health care. If we use term such as Americans or citizens instead, he says, 'that subtle difference activates different psychological concerns,'" explained Bodenhausen

"We can also take personal initiative to reduce the depressive, isolating effects of a materialist mindset by avoiding its stimulants-most obviously, advertising. One method: 'Watch less TV,'" he added.

The study appeared in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.

Divorced young, found love again

Getting divorced at a young age is traumatic, but one can still start afresh and find love again

Recently, playback singer Sunidhi Chauhan announced her engagement to music composer Hitesh Sonik after a courtship of about two years. The 28-year-old says, she looks forward to being married and starting a new life with her fiance. This, however, isn't the first time Sunidhi has been down the aisle. Deeply infatuated and dedicated, she married her first love Bobby Khan at the young age of 18. Conflicting personalities and imbalanced expectations soon took their toll and the marriage didn't last for more than a year. It took Sunidhi 10 years of living life on her own terms and continuing to be optimistic about love to find Hitesh.

That hurts

The end of a marriage at any age is a traumatic experience, but it can be exceptionally painful if the couple isn't tempered by relationships and maturity. The heady rush of love that seems all-consuming has the strength to sway youngsters in their late teens and early 20s into making life-long commitments. By the time the implications are realised, it's often too late and the rift is irreversible. At the end of such a relationship, people are too scarred to give their love lives another chance and spend years trying to get over the emotional turmoil of their decision.

Don't rush in

For 28-year-old entrepreneur Tara Kaushal, love-marriage was a fairytale concept she bought into at the age of 19. Marrying young, she braved the concerns of her parents to take a plunge she soon realised she wasn't ready for. "My ex was 11 years older than me. At the time, the choices given to us were to either get married or break up. At 19, choosing to break up was a much harder call to take than to get married. We were in love. And he fit the right parameters - good schooling, right job, the works," she says, "but I knew I didn't want it when I got in. It wasn't the life I wanted." Their differences took a toll on the relationship and the two separated within three years.

According to Clinical psychologist Varkha Chulani, the biggest mistake people make when marrying young is to assume that it will last forever and focus on superficial reasons. She says, "It's not your hobbies that need to match, but your attitudes." For Kaushal, the realisation of the fairytale being flawed was hard to accept. "At that age, one doesn't have the understanding and experience of how relationships work in the real world. Everything was so disappointing. My biggest fear was that I might never be able to feel so 'in-love' again," she says. "Those looking at an early marriage should keep love and lust at bay and come up with a value checklist," says Chulani.

Know yourself better

It's always easier to make it work with someone who is similar. Try and analyse the nature and temperament of your partner and test them in different social situations such as with your parents, friends etc. See how they rise to the occasion instead of just meeting over romantic dinners. Acknowledging that a relationship isn't working is a hard call to take. And when the couple in love is young, it's often a debilitating experience. "Upon my family's insistence, I did try to go back and work things out once or twice, but I knew it wouldn't work out. He wasn't a bad guy, just the wrong one," says Kaushal. Post-separation trauma is often accompanied with the social stigma that people still associate with divorces. Chulani says, this transition period is essential to regroup with oneself. Take the time to understand yourself better and let yourself heal. "The most common mistake people make is to generalise the situation and say all men are jerks or all women are nags. Learn to access your contribution in the failure of the marriage. But be sure to attribute it to your error of judgement and naivety," she says.

A new beginning

For Kaushal, the transition was eased as she moved to Mumbai to start afresh. "While it was initially very traumatic, I never gave up on love. I came to the city very optimistic. Soon, I found a friend in Sahil who over two years became my closest friend. He knew my history and was never intimidated by it. We got married a month ago and I couldn't be happier," says Tara.

According to Chulani, it's essential to test and season your love. Put it through the test of time and see how it pans out. The danger of falling back in love is often as people are in denial of what caused the first relationship to drift apart and tend to make the same mistake, fall for the same personality type again without making amends. She says, "It's critical to selfevaluate and be sure of what one wants in a partner. Being vague about it is often what causes most relationships to unfurl. Learn to handle your baggage smartly instead of drowning every relationship under it."

Short, intense workouts healthier

A short and intense exercise could be more beneficial than a longer, more moderate session that burns the same number of calories, a new study has suggested.

Researchers found that the people who engaged in the most vigorous exercise reduced their risk of developing metabolic syndrome by two-thirds, compared with those who did no vigorous exercise, even when the total amount of calories per pound of body weight the participants burned while exercising was the same.

Vigorous exercise includes activities such as running and jumping rope; moderate exercise might consist of walking or going for a leisurely bike ride.

People with metabolic syndrome may have excess weight around the waist, difficulty controlling blood sugar levels, high blood pressure and low levels of "good" cholesterol.

Having the condition puts people at heightened risk for heart disease, stroke and diabetes.

The research showed an association, not a cause-and-effect link, and more work is needed to confirm the results.

Still, the findings suggest that vigorous physical activity should be emphasized as a component of public health guidelines regarding exercise, the researchers from Queen's University in Ontario wrote in their conclusion.

Current guidelines, including those from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, recommend doing at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise or 75 minutes of vigorous exercise each week, based on the idea that vigorous exercise burns about twice as many calories per minute as moderate exercise, according to the study.

But such recommendations imply that there are few health benefits of exercising vigorously, except that your workout may take less time, according to the researchers.

In the study, the researchers used data collected from 1,841 adults who participated in the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, which is an ongoing study conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

For seven days, participants wore an accelerometer on their right hip during their waking hours. The devices provided data on participants' movements and exercise intensity.

In all, about a third of the participants had metabolic syndrome.

The researchers found that the more active people were in general, the lower their risk of having metabolic syndrome.

But vigorous exercise seemed to be more beneficial than moderate exercise.

Those who did 150 minutes of moderate exercise were about 2.4 times more likely to develop metabolic syndrome than those who did 75 minutes a week of vigorous exercise weekly, according to the study.

The researchers took into account other factors that could affect the results, such as participants' sex, ethnicity, smoking and drinking.

The researchers noted that the general public has an "apparent distaste" for doing intense exercise.

In the study, 70 per cent of participants did no intense exercise whatsoever, and even among those who followed current exercise guidelines, fewer than 20 per cent met the guideline by exercising intensely.

The study was limited in that the accelerometer could not be worn in water, so participants who swam may not have their exercise accurately measured.

The devices may also not have captured intense exercise requiring little movement, such as stationary biking.

The study has been published in the International Journal of Epidemiology.

Tips to avoid conflicts with partner

Where there is love, there's life. However, one must not forget that fights too are common in any relationship.

Conflicts are inevitable and unavoidable. There cannot be a perfect moment or there's nothing called a perfect life or perfect relationship. One must learn to live with the imperfections. However, if it happens on a regular basis life becomes a struggle. Hence it's better to work on ways to lessen them before it becomes a threat to your relationship.

Avoid ego clashes: Yes, each one is a special human being and has his own strengths and weaknesses. And it's natural to assume that we are the best. However, in a relationship remember there's a lot of sharing between two people. So whether it's good or bad, be prepared to share the credit as well as blame with the same spirit. Remember it takes two to tango.

Be diplomatic: There might arise situations where the finger clearly points towards your partner's fault. If he/she is mature enough to admit, fine. But when you know it won't happen, be diplomatic and stay cool. There's no point arguing with such a person expecting him/her to deliver an apology.

Analyze the reasons: Sometimes anger might be a result of work pressure or stress. If that is the case, try to put off the fight. The earlier you do it, the better it is. You will eventually realize there was no issue after all.

Douse the fire first: In case of a fire, first remedy would be to extinguish it rather than investigating the cause. Similarly, in a conflicting situation try and lessen the intensity of the fight by making peace. Many big fights start with a trivial reason. Hence, try not to get into an argument right away.

Give space: If you fight over a serious issue and know that it's gonna turn ugly, then it's wise to just leave the place. When emotions run high it's best not to get into an argument that leads to bitter fights. At that point in time, all you need is time and space to think over the issue. So just flee the place and come back later when both of you are calm and in a situation to settle things across the table.

Don't act in haste: Do not send furious messages or mails in a fit of rage. Wait for the right time to discuss things. Most importantly, this will also avoid any untoward incidents. For all you know, it may hurt your partner and leave a deep impact on his/her psyche.

Don't get emotional: It's natural for anyone to get hyper and lose temper during fights. However, remember it'll only spoil your health. Try as much to keep a check on your anger and solve issues peacefully.

Don't bottle up: If you or your partner is the inexpressive types, it's even more dangerous. As much as verbal fights and arguments are bad for a relationship so is non-expression. Bottling up negative feelings harms relationships. So try and solve it then and there itself without postponing. Sit down and tell your partner about how you feel, it helps a great deal to communicate.

Show you care: No matter how ugly your fight was, do try to act normal. This will erase any ill-feelings that your partner would have towards you. It's important to make the other person feel wanted and cared for.

Talking to your kids about sex?

Though every parent's nightmare, it's none-the-less that one ultra important conversation that every parent just has to have with their children. What? The talk about sex, puberty and sexually related nitty-gritties.

Ask any child expert and they will not be able to emphasise enough on how important it is for parents to talk to their children about sex, and at an early age itself. Why? So that the misconceptions they develop about the subject, especially from peer group conversations and information gained from the Internet and television, can indeed lead to wrong notions about sex and sexuality. Children are naturally curious about their own bodies and this curiosity is healthy and normal.

Unfortunately, talking to your tiny tots about sex is never an easy task. Moreover, it's not comfortable for any of the parties involved - parents are afraid of it and children, mortified by it. That's probably the reason why this talk is often delayed, swept under the carpet or totally ignored with many parents who instead depend on teachers to do the needful. Children are an inquisitive lot and when it comes to sex, the curiosity levels zooms up quite a few notches. Hence, one cannot turn a blind eye and hope someone else does the 'dirty work'. Parents need to be proactive in talking to their children about sex. However, if done wrongly, it can either scare your child completely or just increase their curiosity even more.

"When you're talking to your child about sex, it has to be a very clinical talk, very matter of fact. Don't use any words or phrases that may indicate that it is something dirty or a taboo act. Also, don't talk about a gender bias. Avoid sentences like 'women always do this...' or 'men always do...'," says child psychologist Bela Raja.
According to her, the kind of sex talk parents have with their children depends on the age group of the child as at each different age, different things are to be said to a child.

For a child between the age group of seven to 10 years, the sex talk should emphasise on the commitment and bonding angle. "Since this is his/her first exposure to sex, talk to your child about how sex is a natural process and a part of the body. Tell them about the beauty of relationships but don't bring up the violence or rape angle," Bela advices.

If your child is aged between 10 years to 13 years, it is the right age to describe the biological facts and of course, the emotional angle. "Link your sex talk to the biological changes that they are experiencing in their body," Bela says.

For a 15 year old, however, she says, the emphasis must be on explaining the actual act of intercourse. "More importantly, explain that sex is not something to be used for any kind of gain or as a sign of power," Bela adds.
"The most important thing when talking to your child about sex is to not make it sound like a bad thing or a taboo," says child expert, Dr Nirmala Rao. According to her, most parents feel shy about talking to their children about sex thus leading to wrong concepts. "One must remember, children are very imaginative. If the concept itself is wrong, they will either get scared about sex or extra imaginative about it. Hence, be normal and casual when talking about sex. Explain, as naturally as possible, about anatomy and the related changes," she explains.

As kids grow, so does their curiosity, especially about sex. "So when your talking to your six or seven year old about his or her private parts, don't say things like 'chee, it's dirty', 'don't touch it, it's a sin'. Instead, tell them about the functions of these parts and teach them how to keep it clean just as you would tell them to wash their hands of feet," she says.

According to her, young girls need to be told about puberty and the changes it will bring in the body. "Teach them how to differentiate between a good touch and a bad touch. But don't petrify them that every man is just out to get them. For boys, meanwhile, fathers should talk to them about sexual organs, their growth and things like night emissions. When it first happens, the child may get scared or start feeling guilty. Explain to them that it is a natural growth process," she explains.

Make the talk easier
Start early: You'll find it less awkward if you introduce the topic when your child is very young. More importantly, answer questions simply and naturally, don't beat around the bush and use complicated or cliched metaphors.

Use everyday situations to start conversations: TV programmes are often a good opportunity to initiate the talk about sex. You can also talk when you're doing an activity together like washing up, laundry, a jigsaw puzzle, etc. This makes your child feel that sex is a normal part of family life and not a taboo subject.

Use books or leaflets: Finding it too difficult to get into nitty-gritties? Get help. Book stores have plenty of material that tells you how. That apart, there are also books that you can get your child to read or that you can go through together.

Be prepared: There will be those difficult moments when your child will, in the oddest of places, demand for an explanation about something they see. Don't fumble. Instead, say something like 'That's a good question, but let's talk about it when we get home'. Also, make sure you do, don't lose out of a good opportunity.

Be truthful: Forget those old grandmother ways of talking about 'bees and birds', storks, etc. Stories like these will just confuse children.

Ask your child's opinion: Talk to your children and ask them what they think about certain sex related issues, especially if it's in the news. More than anything else, this tells give you a fair idea of how much they know and understand.

Don't shun the issue: Don't ignore it if your child asks you a sex related question. Moreover, don't get angry with them. This will give them an impression that it is not a topic to be spoken about.

Don't beat around the bush: If you don't know the answer, say so and tell them you'll find out and let them know. This is a far better option to bluffing them, they are bound to find out the truth sooner or later.

Think healthy, feel healthy

With hoardings, television shows and magazine covers screaming for your attention, is it difficult to imagine just how much stress is being put on simply 'looking good?'

Everywhere you turn, the undue importance given to looking a certain way and being a certain size, is alarming health experts. While trying to appear a certain way is fine, what is even more important, is to have a positive body image.

Body image is the way we see ourselves. If one has a negative or distorted perception of their bodies, they tend to correct that in ways that may not be healthy. "The most common example is being overweight. Many women (and men), especially teenagers, think they are 'fat' and resort to unhealthy weight loss practices, which may actually do more harm than good. Eating disorders like Anorexia Nervosa are directly linked to a negative body image, and even a very thin girl may perceive herself as overweight and continue to diet to the point of losing her health. Body image is closely linked to self esteem. A positive body image translates into feeling good, more confidence, loving oneself and taking care of one's health," says Psychologist Dr Suman Bijlani

Psychologist Devaunshi Sampat says that when a person believes that their body has a flaw, it causes a negative body image. "This makes the person restricts their lifestyle, sometimes even giving up on good opportunities. They may lose out on a good job because they may lack the confidence to go for an interview because they believe they're ugly or too fat. When a person has a bad body image, resulting in a low self esteem, it impacts them more than they realise. They may never gain the confidence to do the things they love, the confidence to date, to just go out and have a good time."

Are women more self critical?
Are women over critical of their appearances? Yes, says counselling psychologist and behaviour therapist, Lajja Sanghavi-Shah. Research shows that women are over critical of their appearances. In a society where women are continuously bombarded with images of the ideal face and figure, the likelihood of having a negative body image increases. "A recent survey indicated that over 80 per cent of women over the age of 18 were unhappy with what they saw in the mirror. And most will not even see an accurate reflection. And increasing numbers of normal, attractive women, with no weight problems or clinical psychological disorders, look at themselves in the mirror and see ugliness and fat," says Lajja.

How it affects you
People who have a poor image of themselves are more likely to feel anxious, self-conscious, uncomfortable, awkward and at times even ashamed of the way they look. This influences the ease with which they relate to people making them uneasy in the company of others, especially if they perceive the opposite person to be more attractive than themselves. Thus it adversely affects a persons social relationships and the ability to make friends. A negative body image is likely to result in low self-esteem and low-confidence, which may lead to isolation, depression, anxiety, an inferiority complex and in some cases even eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. They may go on unhealthy diets and exercise excessively in the hope that they will reach their ideal body weight. They may end up becoming pre-occupied and obsessed with their appearance leading to dissatisfaction and built-up frustration.

What to do
Your mind essentially controls the way you feel about yourself.
- Stop criticising your body and start treating yourself right.
- By practicing positive affirmations, eating right and exercising your mind and in turn body will feel healthier.
- Wear clothes that you're comfortable in and which make you feel good about yourself - work with your body and not against it.
- Don't get carried away by everything you see around you. Set your own goals and standards.
- Once in a while, it is okay to pamper yourself. Go for a massage, make time for a nap, curl up with a good book, find a peaceful place outside to relax.

From couples to parents

You're all set to tread the family way and have a baby. Undoubtedly, the thought must be keeping you happy, but inevitably it might change the equations between you and your partner. Whilst you may be overjoyed at the arrival of your bundle of joy, but newer demands might strain your relationship to an unexpected extent. However, there are certain pointers that can make your transition easier as you go the family way.

Do a finance check
Shobha and Ramesh Singh were planning for a baby after three years of their marriage. Recalls Shobha, "We were quite apprehensive about starting our family. Though, we wanted the baby, but we couldn't make an estimate of the financial aspects involved. Ramesh kept telling me that we could manage, but I didn't want a situation where we would end up fighting over monetary issues. Finally, we decided to consult a family counselor."
Help at hand
Psychologist Meena Tiwari explains, "Having a baby requires figuring out the basic cost structure. It's a happy event in every couple's life and one can make the most of it only when you can adjust everything in your financial chart. Money gives you the satisfaction and security to welcome the newest member. So, don't go easy on it. Consult others who have just had a baby. Overlooking your finances will only cause traumatic pressures later on, which can be avoided with proper planning."

Health check
Bank executive, Reena Talwar speaks of her experience. "My in-laws wanted us to have a baby, but when I consulted my doctor he told me to wait a while, since I was anemic and my hemoglobin count was low. I was very scared and discussing it with my husband only led to arguments as he sided mostly with his parents. I just couldn't show him the reason for my reluctance. All this led to a lot of misunderstandings between us and I ended up hating any discussion related to children. It forced me to rethink whether I really wanted a baby after all or not."
Help at hand
According to nutritionist Radha Sharma, women should go through a complete health check-up before opting for a baby. "Both the partners must ensure they have perfect health before they go ahead. Women especially should consume a proper diet with sufficient proteins and iron supplements to ensure that the pregnancy period is smooth. Also, a proper exercise regime ensures a safe delivery. People in our country usually ignore these aspects and suffer in the long term, especially if the child is born with a weak immune system or faces congenital problems. Often they want a baby at the cost of the wife's health, which involves a risk as grave as death of the mother or the baby. And it doesn't just end there. Incase of a wrong diet or weakness, the woman may not be able to bear a child in the future too."

Family support
In the modern day, couples choose to go nuclear. However, it's always better to ensure your families' support when you decide to opt for a baby. Ravi Kulkarni, a manager with an MNC says, "My wife and I were living away from our respective parents. So, when she got pregnant, we were tensed about how to handle the pressures once the child arrives. Finally, my parents decided to come over although they did not want to shift. However, thanks to them, everything went off very smoothly."
Help at hand
Explains psychologist Aakash Verma, "Parental support plays a crucial role for expectant couples. Having a set of parents or someone close around you provides a mental security to the mother-to-be. It ensures that the woman is happy and comfortable. The psychological temperament of the pregnant woman not only affects the mother, but also the baby. The heightened hormonal activity in a pregnant woman puts her at a risk of having mood swings or going into depression. Thus having a mother-father figure lends security and strength to the often nervous couple."

Sleep your way to healthy life

They say, if you can sleep well in the night---- then half of your life's problems are solved.

Sleeping well has many health benefits. It acts as a great stress buster and it increases your productivity and efficiency.

Goodbye mood swings: With insufficient sleep during the night, many people become agitated or moody the following day. Yet, when limited sleep becomes a chronic issue, studies have shown it can lead to long-term mood disorders such as depression or anxiety. The benefits of sleep are many and it can make a difference in your quality of life. Therefore, it is vital to place a priority on getting ample, consistent sleep.

Sleep improves your memory: Are you finding it difficult to concentrate at work? Chances are that you are sleep deprived. Lack of sleep often leads to memory problems with facts, faces or even conversations. Sleeping well will help you to deal with these problems. One of the great benefits of sleep is that it allows your brain to better process new experiences and knowledge and then increasing its efficiency. So, it's wiser to just 'sleep on it' as they say.

Sleep helps repair your body: Your body produces extra protein molecules while you're sleeping that helps strengthen your ability to fight infection and stay healthy. Sleeping well strengthens your immunity system. Sleep is a great stressbuster too.

Mum-in-law is top reason why couples fight

Apart from household work and money issues, mothers-in-law remain one of the top reasons behind arguments among couples.

A survey has found that they are one of the most common causes of fights between British couples.

The poll of 2,000 adults discovered that only rows over money and disputes concerning household chores occurred more frequently than bickering about each other's relations.

The study by electronics firm Philips found that poor budgeting and a lack of savings regularly cause couples to fall out, as does women being lumbered with too many domestic duties.

The top ten reasons also included drinking habits, hoarding objects, doing the washing up, deciding what to watch on the TV and the time it takes to get ready.

Researchers also found that one in ten of us have a fight with our partner daily, while one in twenty has several fights per day.

"Couples will always argue. Even trivial things - like who looks after the TV remote, leaving wet towels on the floor and taking too long to get ready - rile us," the Daily Mail quoted spokesman Deneice Harwin as saying.

Most men rely on their wife to dress up

It seems that there is a woman behind every well-dressed man.

Two thirds of the men quizzed in an online survey admitted that they rely on the woman in their life to pick out ties, shirts, suits and even their shoes.

The majority confessed they need the most help on a Monday morning, blaming their own lack of confidence when it comes to style.

Half said they are actually "dressed" by their wife - who does up their tie or -fastens their cuff links.

One in six men has help to pick out what to wear every day, and one in five has clothes laid out in front of them most days, according to stylepilot, an online style adviser for men which carried out the poll.

"Many men want to be better dressed, but lack style knowledge and confidence. That's why millions of men are relying on women in their lives - particularly their wives or partners - to help choose what to wear, not just at work but for other occasions," the Daily Express quoted a spokesman for the website as saying.

"Many men feel like they're stuck in a style rut and don't know where to begin when it comes to sorting out their fashion sense.

"Coupled with the fact most men hate traipsing around shops on a Saturday, facing crowds and busy changing rooms means a large chunk of men tend to wear the same jeans at the weekend.

"They also have the same style of shoe or shirt and some have even felt this has held them back in life. And while they may judge their friends when they step out in something new, many are in fact jealous of their style but fear being ridiculed if they wear something out of their comfort zone," the spokesman added.

The survey also revealed some of the reasons why men let their other half choose their clothes.

A third of them said they trust a woman's judgment but one in six just "give in for an easy life".

Parents - Handle them with care

Parents are never the easiest to please, they have their own set of sky-high expectations from their children.

Arguments are a part of any parent-child relationship. But how you handle it as a child is important. Here are some points that you should heed to successfully handle an argument with your parents and come out on the winning side.

Talk out the rules: There will be all sorts of rules - what is the deadline to come home, phone usage, how much of TV can be watched, rules about friends coming over or stay overs with friends, how often you can party, etc - the list is endless. One of the best ways to avoid arguments about rules is to discuss them with your parents. If you feel that the rules are too harsh or unrealistic talk it out, your parents may be willing to make some adjustments. Don't yell or argue; explain your points gently.

Follow the rules: Now that the rules have been set, ones that both of you have agreed to, stick to them. This is especially important in case of deadlines as your parents will begin to worry if you've not returned home at the promised time. Also, it will cause them to doubt your sense of responsibility. If you're going to be late, call up and inform.

Communicate: This is the key to solving most arguments. But communication is not just a problem solver, take time out to spend with your family telling them about your day and asking them about theirs. This is a special time that can work wonders to strengthen family bonds.

Family time: Yes, you may feel that your parents have time for everyone else and everything apart from you, but how much of time do you dedicate to them? Spending time with family will give you a chance to better understand them, especially when you are told not to do something or not given permission for a late night, or a picnic.

Pick your battles wisely: You can't fight about any and every issue, it's just not worth the effort. When something is worrying you or getting on your nerves, take a deep breath and a minute to figure out how important an issue it is for you. If you can let it go, do that. But if you can't, make sure you argue out your issues calmly and not get all stressed out about the same.

Getting back to office post delivery

Getting back to work after having a baby is a Herculean task - not just in terms of you proving to your organisation that you are still capable of doing the same tasks you did before pregnancy, but also in terms of accepting the unexpected changes that may await you at office.

Even if you thought it would be a smooth transition to work post delivery, some bosses make it tough for you. Sometimes besides the hormonal changes and emotional turmoil, you may also have to battle to get back your position at office. Here are a few tips for a smooth transition, assuming your organisation acknowledges your worth.

1. Do not compromise on work just because your boss thinks you should be given lighter work post pregnancy. If you are not happy with the task entrusted upon you at office, put your foot down and say what you want

2. Remember your organisation gives you your bread and butter, so show in many ways than one that you still have the same interest and zeal you had before delivery

3. Don't take too much time to settle down, once you get to do what you love the most, start with a bang

4. Keep yourself updated on the industry trends

5. Also, plan for baby care before you resume work; at least you don't have to worry about your baby's safety which can become a major distraction at work

6. Work smart, but be flexible. Work is as important as the baby back home, so never say 'no' to anything because this may also be the perfect chance for your boss to call you inefficient

7. Take on responsibilities, give your best and prove you are still worthy

8. Get used to the new routine. It's not easy to be active after sleepless nights with your baby. But will power is the word and it's only a matter of months before your baby's sleeping patterns change Post partum depression and fatigue are inevitable. But get your boss to empathize with you and also on your part, give your best. Remember health too is as important as your work, so make sure you don't lose your peace of mind over anything. But as the saying goes, 'when the going gets tough, the tough gets going'.

10 Tips for a healthy heart

A strong heart is a result of healthy lifestyle choices. Be active and stress-free

Today's fast-paced life and workplace pressures escalate stress levels, taking a toll on one's heart. We must realise that the healing power of the body decreases when under stress, leading to many complications like hypertension and poor immunity. Today, even youngsters are prone to heart ailments. So, it's very important to stay healthy and manage your stress levels by understanding the risk factors - high cholesterol levels, stressful lifestyle, smoking, and lack of exercise - following simple changes in lifestyle.

Avoid smoking
Smoking reduces life expectancy by 15-25 years. If you are a smoker, you are twice more likely to have a heart attack than a non-smoker. The moment you stop smoking, the risk of heart attack begins to reduce.

Cut down on salt
Too much salt can cause high blood pressure, which increases the risk of developing coronary heart disease.

Watch your diet
Try to have a balanced diet. Eat fresh fruits and vegetables, starch foods such as wholegrain bread and rice.

Monitor your alcohol
Too much alcohol can damage the heart muscle, increase blood pressure and also lead to weight gain. Avoid intake of alcohol or at least limit it to one to two units a day, gradually decreasing the consumption.

Get active
At least aim for 30 minutes of moderate exercise a day. Keeping yourself fit not only benefits the heart but also improves mental health and well-being.

Monitor your BP, blood sugar and cholesterol levels
Routine medical check-ups will ring an alarm, if you need medical help.

Manage your waist
Cholesterol deposition in blood vessels begins in the first decade of life. Carrying a lot of extra weight as fat can greatly affect your health. Make small but healthy changes in your diet.

Manage your stress level
If you find things are getting on top of you, you may fail to eat properly, smoke and drink too much. This may increase your risk of a heart attack. Practice yoga/meditation. Take a vacation.

Check your family history
If a close relative is at risk of developing coronary heart disease from smoking, high BP, high cholesterol, lack of physical activity, obesity and diabetes, then you could be at risk too.

Laughter is the best therapy
Laughter anytime will work wonders for you. It is an instant way to unleash the pressure and it makes you feel light.

(Inputs by Dr Kushagra Katariya, chief cardiothoracic surgeon, Artemis Health Institute, Gurgaon)