Parents - Handle them with care

Parents are never the easiest to please, they have their own set of sky-high expectations from their children.

Arguments are a part of any parent-child relationship. But how you handle it as a child is important. Here are some points that you should heed to successfully handle an argument with your parents and come out on the winning side.

Talk out the rules: There will be all sorts of rules - what is the deadline to come home, phone usage, how much of TV can be watched, rules about friends coming over or stay overs with friends, how often you can party, etc - the list is endless. One of the best ways to avoid arguments about rules is to discuss them with your parents. If you feel that the rules are too harsh or unrealistic talk it out, your parents may be willing to make some adjustments. Don't yell or argue; explain your points gently.

Follow the rules: Now that the rules have been set, ones that both of you have agreed to, stick to them. This is especially important in case of deadlines as your parents will begin to worry if you've not returned home at the promised time. Also, it will cause them to doubt your sense of responsibility. If you're going to be late, call up and inform.

Communicate: This is the key to solving most arguments. But communication is not just a problem solver, take time out to spend with your family telling them about your day and asking them about theirs. This is a special time that can work wonders to strengthen family bonds.

Family time: Yes, you may feel that your parents have time for everyone else and everything apart from you, but how much of time do you dedicate to them? Spending time with family will give you a chance to better understand them, especially when you are told not to do something or not given permission for a late night, or a picnic.

Pick your battles wisely: You can't fight about any and every issue, it's just not worth the effort. When something is worrying you or getting on your nerves, take a deep breath and a minute to figure out how important an issue it is for you. If you can let it go, do that. But if you can't, make sure you argue out your issues calmly and not get all stressed out about the same.

Over-reactive parenting can affect kids

Children whose parents tend to become angry easily and over-react are more likely to act out and become upset easily, say researchers.

The research is an important step in understanding the complex link between genetics and home environment.

In a study, researchers from Oregon State University, Oregon Social Learning Center, and other institutions collected data in 10 states from 361 families linked through adoption - and obtained genetic data from birth parents as well as the children.

They followed the children at nine, 18 and 27 months of age, and found that adoptive parents who had a tendency to over-react, for example, were quick to anger when children tested age-appropriate limits or made mistakes.

These over-reactive parents had a significant effect on their children, who exhibited "negative emotionality," or acting out and having more temper tantrums than normal for their age.

Genetics also played a role, particularly in the case of children who were at genetic risk of negative emotionality from their birth mothers, but were raised in a low-stress or less-reactive environment.

"This is an age where children are prone to test limits and boundaries," said lead author Shannon Lipscomb, an assistant professor of human development and family sciences at OSU-Cascades.

"However, research consistently shows that children with elevated levels of negative emotionality during these early years have more difficulties with emotion regulation and tend to exhibit more problem behaviour when they are of school age," Lipscomb noted.

Researchers also found that children who exhibited the most increases in negative emotionality as they developed from infants to toddlers (from nine to 27 months of age) also had the highest levels of problem behaviours at age two, suggesting that negative emotions can have their own development process that has implications for children's later behaviours.

"This really sets our study apart. Researchers have looked at this aspect of emotionality as something fairly stable, but we have been able to show that although most kids test limits and increase in negative emotionality as they approach toddler age, the amount they increase can affect how many problem behaviours they exhibit as 2-year-olds," Lipscomb said.

Lipscomb said the take-away message for parents of young children and infants is that the way they adapt to toddlerhood - a challenging time marked by a child's increasing mobility and independence - can have an impact on how their child will develop.

"Parents' ability to regulate themselves and to remain firm, confident and not over-react is a key way they can help their children to modify their behaviour. You set the example as a parent in your own emotions and reactions," she concluded.

The study was published in the latest edition of the journal Development and Psychopathology.