Why cycling is not just an exercise?

The debate on global warming heats up, the agenda is clear: A non-polluted environment and good health. Deny as much as you do, but there's a hidden concern amongst today's generation on where we are heading and in what condition. In our own ways, we are looking for ways to healthy living. Here's a viable option that's also an enjoyable one!

Remember the old days where we could just ride away with a bicycle to almost any part of the town? If you visit a place like Puducherry (Pondicherry) and Chennai, there are still a good number of people riding bicycles. It's not just fun, but also healthy.  This is not only the best form of exercise, but also eco-friendly. If you are dreaming of a healthy future for the next generation, then perhaps you would consider this.

Why cycling? Well, this is one of those exercises that doesn't exhaust you but pumps more energy. It also builds your stamina. Besides, don't you think it's the most convenient cost-effective way of exercising? Visiting gym everyday demands time, energy to reach the place and a lot of money of course! Cycling on the other hand, can be done in the vicinity of your neighbourhood whenever you find time. Also, it's a one-time investment! And you could cycle with friends and also family members of all age groups. Not just that, it tones your entire body as you are utilising most parts of your body.  And for all those who are struggling to lose that stored fat in your body, here's a fun way. The best part about cycling is that it can be seen as a sport rather than a form of exercise. And mind you, cycling is still one of the popular sports in some countries.

Cycle your way to health: Cycling is a cardio exercise which keeps the heart stronger, tones the body, helps lose weight and increases the supply of blood and oxygen in the body. There are many cardio exercises which may help improve body stamina but cycling is by far the most effective. It is often said that with cycling, the risk of heart diseases, diabetes, obesity and blood pressure can be reduced to a great extent. That apart, it's a great stress buster. Make cycling a habit not just for that toned body but also for lifting your spirits. Cycling does rejuvenate you and enhances your mood. Like any other forms of exercise, cycling releases endorphin which has positive effects on our mood. Hence after cycling for a great distance, you feel refreshed instead of feeling tired. Cycling also reduces the risk of fracture during a fall or an accident and helps maintain the strength and coordination. With regular cycling, the strength of the legs improve.

For a better tomorrow: We all crib about bad weather, nature's fury, but do little about how we can reduce the danger levels. Automobile manufacturers are coming up with eco-friendly cars. But how about an eco-friendly, cost-effective (read fuel-efficient) and portable mode of transport? Yes, the bicycle is perhaps the best way to reduce/cut emission levels. Best thing is you can easily carry it wherever you go! Incorporate this change in your routine and you can definitely contribute to preserving our eco-system. You may love to flaunt your car, but there's no harm in dedicating a day for a better tomorrow. And why not when it can save you from respiratory diseases like asthma?

How to select a cycle?
There is no rule of thumb to select the cycle for you. Only remember to choose the one where your feet reach the ground when halted; this reduces the risk of falling off the bike. Prefer a cycle with gear when cycling towards higher grounds, this way you reduce the stress on the thighs and cut the risk of muscle tear.

Do it the right way
With the excitement of owning a new cycle, we ride long distances. This tires the entire body. It's better to start off with a 30-minute cycling for the first week and then gradually increase the time. And do wear protective gear like helmet, knee guard and the ankle guard to prevent any damage to your body

Understanding Menopause

Menopause is the permanent end of menstruation and fertility, defined as occurring 12 months after your last menstrual period.

Menopause is a natural biological process, not a medical illness. Even so, the physical and emotional symptoms of menopause can disrupt your sleep, sap your energy and — at least indirectly — trigger feelings of sadness and loss.

Even though menopause is not a disease, you shouldn't hesitate to seek treatment for severe symptoms. Many effective treatments are available, from lifestyle adjustments to hormone therapy.

Technically, you don't actually "hit" menopause until it's been one year since your final menstrual period. In the United States, that happens at about age 51, on average.

But in the months or years leading up to that point, you might experience these signs and symptoms:

·         Irregular periods

·         Decreased fertility

·         Vaginal dryness

·         Hot flashes

·         Sleep disturbances

·         Mood swings

·         Increased abdominal fat

·         Thinning hair

·         Loss of breast fullness

When to see a doctor
Schedule regular visits with your doctor during the years leading up to menopause (perimenopause) and the years after menopause (postmenopause) for preventive health care as well as care of medical conditions that may occur with aging.

If you've skipped a period but aren't sure you've started the menopausal transition, you may want to see your doctor to determine whether you're pregnant. Always seek medical advice if you have bleeding from your vagina after menopause.

Menopause can result from:

·         Natural decline of reproductive hormones. As you approach your late 30s, your ovaries start making less estrogen and progesterone, the hormones that regulate menstruation. During this time, fewer potential eggs are ripening in your ovaries each month, and ovulation is less predictable. Also, the post-ovulation surge in progesterone — the hormone that prepares your body for pregnancy — becomes less dramatic. Your fertility declines, partially due to these hormonal effects.

These changes become more pronounced in your 40s. Your menstrual periods may become longer or shorter, heavier or lighter, and more or less frequent, until eventually, your ovaries stop producing eggs, and you have no more periods. It's possible, but very unusual, to menstruate every month right up to your last period. More likely, you'll experience some irregularity in your periods.

·         Hysterectomy. A hysterectomy that removes your uterus, but not your ovaries, usually doesn't cause menopause. Although you no longer have periods, your ovaries still release eggs and produce estrogen and progesterone. But an operation that removes both your uterus and your ovaries (total hysterectomy and bilateral oophorectomy) does cause menopause, without any transitional phase. Your periods stop immediately, and you're likely to have hot flashes and other menopausal signs and symptoms.

·         Chemotherapy and radiation therapy. These cancer therapies can induce menopause, causing symptoms such as hot flashes during the course of treatment or within three to six months.

·         Primary ovarian insufficiency. Approximately 1 percent of women experience menopause before age 40. Menopause may result from primary ovarian insufficiency — when your ovaries fail to produce normal levels of reproductive hormones — stemming from genetic factors or autoimmune disease, but often no cause for primary ovarian insufficiency can be found.

Several chronic medical conditions can develop after menopause:

·         Cardiovascular disease. When your estrogen levels decline, your risk of cardiovascular disease increases. Heart disease is the leading cause of death in women as well as in men.

·         Osteoporosis. This condition causes bones to become brittle and weak, leading to an increased risk of fractures. During the first few years after menopause, you may lose bone density at a rapid rate, increasing your risk of osteoporosis. Postmenopausal women are especially susceptible to fractures of their hips, wrists and spine.

·         Urinary incontinence. As the tissues of your vagina and urethra lose their elasticity, you may experience a frequent, sudden, strong urge to urinate, followed by an involuntary loss of urine (urge incontinence), or the loss of urine with coughing, laughing or lifting (stress incontinence). Strengthening pelvic floor muscles with Kegel exercises or using a topical vaginal estrogen may help relieve symptoms of incontinence.

·         Weight gain. Many women gain weight during the menopausal transition. You may need to eat less — perhaps as many as 200 to 400 fewer calories a day — and exercise more, just to maintain your current weight.

Don't eat your way through Stress!

Stress is indeed damaging for our health. Apart from "gifting" us hypertension, diabetes, acne, hair fall, etc., it can also make us fat. Not only do you eat when you are actually not hungry, you tend to crave for high-fat stuff like ice-cream, doughnuts, cookies, or deep-fried stuff. You don't feel the slightest desire to munch on carrot sticks or nuts at such times. Experts are of the opinion that women tend to use food to stave off worries concerning family, finance as well as work. However, once they start overeating, food becomes another stressor.

A study was done last year by researchers of the University of California at San Francisco, which showed that women who feel stressed quite often end up eating high-fat treats. They also indulge in skipping meals, keeping irregular food timings, as well as cutting out certain foods completely from their diet.

Studies show that when you impose a lot of restriction in your diet, counting each morsel, it causes a lot of stress inside. This could result in you gaining more weight than losing.

Ways to Overcome Stress Eating

The habit of eating when you are stressed kind of catches up with you and changes your eating habit even when you are not stressed. Wrong foods could again make you stressed, and stress makes you choose wrong foods. To avoid getting into this vicious circle, try these tips to modify this habit:

·         Awareness is the Key: Being aware of your actions helps you modify them. During stressful times, your mind is embroiled in those thoughts, and you hardly realize what you ate. So, when stress beckons you to go open the fridge, stop in your tracks and ask whether you are really hungry or what was your previous food and when did you have it. You will be able to do this only if you are aware of your actions. Taking time out to do such interrogation will help you understand the reason for your eating at that point in time. If hunger was not the cause of that particular craving, then even if you eat at that point in time, you will not be satisfied, and you may reach out for more unhealthy stuff.

·         Lay a Strong Foundation: Lay down a nutritious foundation of eating, wherein you eat a healthy food every 4 to 5 hours. This will not only keep your blood sugar stabilized, but also keep your emotions balanced. This will also help you tackle your problems in a calm way without getting stressed. The mind-body connection is a very intriguing vicious cycle. When you look after your body well, your mind will be calm. On the other hand, a calm mind will help you take care of your body well. To achieve both of this, awareness and mindfulness is required. Have a pep talk with yourself from time to time, saying there is nothing to be stressed about.

·         Complex is Good: Lead a simple life, but eat complex carbohydrates. These carbs help your brain release a feel-good hormone called serotonin, which helps with stress busting. Whole-grain breads, oatmeal, whole-grain pasta, brown rice, beans, skimmed milk, vegetables, and fruits should all form part of your diet. This will make you stay satiated for longer periods of time, preventing odd-time cravings for simple carbs and sweets.

·         Opt for Natural Sweetness: If you have a sweet tooth, you will crave for sweets when you are stressed. Having loads of ice cream, candies, and pastries will spoil your digestive health apart from giving you extra tires. On the other hand, fruits provide natural sweetness which will check your refined sugar cravings as well as providing the much-needed fiber to your digestive system. So, even when you are stressed, motivate yourself to reach out for fruits.

·         Crunchy Way to Health: People who like crunchy foods will reach out for crunchy stuff when they are stressed. And, the easiest crunchy foods one can lay hands on are chips, potato wafers, pretzels, crackers, etc. If crunchy is what you like, keep some carrots or celery ready in the refrigerator. Other good options are soy or ragi chips or roasted, oil- and salt-free nuts.

·         Smart Shopping: Plan out your shopping list in advance taking into consideration your's and your loved ones' eating habits. As you are caught off-guard when stress and cravings occur, you are likely to eat whatever you have stocked. Therefore, your shopping list should contain healthy foods. Shop for plenty of fruits and small packets of unsalted, unsweetened nuts (which you can even carry to office in your handbag). These will help you tide over your stressful periods. Another very important factor while venturing out to shop is never shop when you are hungry, as you will most certainly make the wrong food choices.

·         Hide Them:They say, "out of sight is out of mind" which is very true in your eating patterns too. When you stock junk foods and unhealthy snacks visibly at home, the temptation to reach out for them when you are stressed is much higher. Ideally, banish all such foods from home. However, if you must stock these snacks for the sake of children or guests, keep them out of sight. Store them behind larger packages or in closets or lofts which are difficult to reach. Even in the freezer, if you have to stock ice-creams, hide it behind frozen peas or meat. Similarly, when commuting back from work, avoid the places where junk foods are available. This is the time you are stressed and famished, and if you see a junk food joint, the chances of falling for it is big.

·         Think Out of the (Snack) Box: When you are stressed, think of other ways to beat it. Taking a walk in the park, playing with your pet, listening to music, meditating, talking to a friend, cleaning up and rearranging your cupboard are all stress-busting activities. Choose something you enjoy doing. Take care to hang out with positive people when you are stressed.

Don't get beaten down by stress, instead beat it and control your life the way you want to lead it. Writing down your thoughts when you are stressed is also a good way of avoid getting bogged down by the stress. Don't eat your way through stress, sit up and take charge of your life!

Pre-marital counselling, a must

An engaged couple lays out its anxieties to a marriage counsellor before the wedding.

The initial period of any relationship is called the honeymoon period; and after that fairytale, marriage can be a rude reality check. In most cases, quarrels over money, family and trust break a couple apart. Mikhail Shahani and Reshma Rajwani wanted to go into their marriage with eyes open and decided to undergo a pre-marital counselling session to know what to expect. The 27-year-old chef and 26-year-old management graduate come from different backgrounds and met only six months ago. Shweta Kansara from Mind Temple clinic says, "A pre-marital session helps partners accept each other better and avoid future complications or conflict."

Getting started
Asked why they're getting married, Reshma says, "I live in Mexico and was introduced to Mik on a trip here. After I left for Mexico, we continued communication and fell in love. The distance was hard and the pressure from families, intense. So we decided to get married in 2012." Mikhail says, "We were constantly fighting because of the distance. So we figured, if we've decided to get married what's the point of waiting longer. Reshma's family is conservative and her father was unhappy she was marrying a chef - he had an old-school view of 'bawarchis'. Once they met me, things eased up."

Rough corners
Shweta asks them where they expect conflict and what is expected of them. Mikhail says Reshma is short-tempered. "It is true that I get agitated and tear up instantly," she replies. "I like to be left alone in such a mood." Mikhail says, "I can't leave her alone if I know she's upset and try to cheer her up." He adds that she may take time to get used to the Indian culture.

Reshma says, "Mikhail lives with his mother and they are very close. She is a cool, forward-thinking lady but staying with her may bring in its set of concerns." Mikhail says he worried about finding someone who wouldn't be able to adjust to his family. "My mother, sister and I live together and I was always very afraid of someone creating a divide. But seeing how Reshma has adjusted and how fond my family is of her, really eases my worry."

Counsellor speak:
It is essential to discuss roles, baggage and unresolved issues if one wants the partner to accept and support him/her. If Reshma is short-tempered, her childhood issues could be the cause. While feeling angry is natural, how we express it is learnt from our environment. The couple went through a few exercises.

A. Descriptive writing
Reshma and Mikhail were asked to write a few lines on each other. While he wrote an essay in a heartbeat, she paused to get her thoughts in order. She brought up his laidback attitude to health.

This exercise helps the couple see how the other person views them. They should tell each other if they've missed anything out or if they disagree on something.

B. The big six
While talking about religion, lifestyle, sex, children, behaviour and recreation, they agreed on most things but had trouble in the financial aspects. Reshma says, "Mik needs to buy a good brand to feel his money is well spent and finds my thrift shopping a waste of money."

Mikhail replies, "She spends so much money trying to source the cheapest thing, it seems pointless. I just look for the best value for my money."

By discussing each of these topics in detail, the couple ensures sensitive subjects are talked about and the partners know where the other stands. Agreement on religion and lifestyle help deal with the changes that a new family and home will bring. Sex and children are crucial subjects for family planning and keeping intimacy alive. A couple should discuss how long it would like to wait before having a child, birth control options and the plan for the lifestyle change. It is also important to discuss how one behaves with the other in private, in front of famly and in public.

Cranking game
Shweta drew up another list with the following heads -Family, career, self, friends, health (physical and emotional), purpose of life and money. She asked the couple to rate each category on a scale of 10 and then rank according to priority on in their own lives. They were then asked to introduce 'Partner' as a new category and carry out the ranking again. While Mikhail placed his family, partner and career in the top three slots and reserved health for a latter ranking, Reshma gave health and family a high ranking with self and career set a little lower.

Discussing discrepancies, Shweta says, "It's important to level out on most subjects so that the relationship is on an even keel. One's priority of self needs to have more importance."

What it does:
Prioritising these heads in front of each other helps the partners know the challenges the other is facing at the time. It helps them acknowledge their weakness and helps the other step up and be more accepting and supportive.

Parkinson's disease - A brief understanding

Parkinson's disease is a progressive disorder of the nervous system that affects movement. It develops gradually, often starting with a barely noticeable tremor in just one hand. But while tremor may be the most well-known sign of Parkinson's disease, the disorder also commonly causes a slowing or freezing of movement.

Friends and family may notice that your face shows little or no expression and your arms don't swing when you walk. Speech often becomes soft and mumbling. Parkinson's symptoms tend to worsen as the disease progresses.

While there is no cure for Parkinson's disease, many different types of medicines can treat its symptoms. In some cases, your doctor may suggest surgery.

The symptoms of Parkinson's disease can vary from person to person. Early signs may be subtle and can go unnoticed. Symptoms typically begin on one side of the body and usually remain worse on that side even after symptoms begin to affect both sides. Parkinson's signs and symptoms may include:

·         Tremor. The characteristic shaking associated with Parkinson's disease often begins in a hand. A back-and-forth rubbing of your thumb and forefinger, known as pill-rolling, is common, and may occur when your hand is at rest. However, not everyone experiences tremors.

·         Slowed motion (bradykinesia). Over time, Parkinson's disease may reduce your ability to initiate voluntary movement. This may make even the simplest tasks difficult and time-consuming. When you walk, your steps may become short and shuffling. Or your feet may freeze to the floor, making it hard to take the first step.

·         Rigid muscles. Muscle stiffness can occur in any part of your body. Sometimes the stiffness can be so severe that it limits the range of your movements and causes pain. People may first notice this sign when you no longer swing your arms when you're walking.

·         Impaired posture and balance. Your posture may become stooped as a result of Parkinson's disease. Balance problems also may occur, although this is usually in the later stages of the disease.

·         Loss of automatic movements. Blinking, smiling and swinging your arms when you walk are all unconscious acts that are a normal part of being human. In Parkinson's disease, these acts tend to be diminished and even lost. Some people may develop a fixed staring expression and unblinking eyes. Others may no longer gesture or seem animated when they speak.

·         Speech changes. Many people with Parkinson's disease have problems with speech. You may speak more softly, rapidly or in a monotone, sometimes slurring or repeating words, or hesitating before speaking.

·         Dementia. In the later stages of Parkinson's disease, some people develop problems with memory and mental clarity. Alzheimer's drugs appear to alleviate some of these symptoms to a mild degree.

When to see a doctor
See your doctor if you have any of the symptoms associated with Parkinson's disease — not only to diagnose the illness but also to rule out other causes for your symptoms.

Risk factors for Parkinson's disease include:

·         Age. Young adults rarely experience Parkinson's disease. It ordinarily begins in middle or late life, and the risk continues to increase with age.

·         Heredity. Having a close relative with Parkinson's increases the chances that you'll also develop the disease, although your risk is still no more than about 4 to 6 percent.

·         Sex. Men are more likely to develop Parkinson's disease than women are.

·         Exposure to toxins. Ongoing exposure to herbicides and pesticides puts you at slightly increased risk of Parkinson's

Complications

Parkinson's disease is often accompanied by these additional problems:

·         Depression. Depression is common in people with Parkinson's disease. Receiving treatment for depression can make it easier to handle the other challenges of Parkinson's disease.

·         Sleep problems. People with Parkinson's disease often have trouble falling asleep and may wake up frequently throughout the night. They may also experience sudden sleep onset, called sleep attacks, during the day.

·         Difficulty chewing and swallowing. The muscles you use to swallow may be affected in the later stages of the disease, making eating more difficult.

·         Urinary problems. Parkinson's disease may cause either urinary incontinence or urine retention. Certain medications used to treat Parkinson's also can make it difficult to urinate.

·         Constipation. Many people with Parkinson's disease develop constipation because the digestive tract works more slowly. Constipation may also be a side effect of medications used to treat the disease.

·         Sexual dysfunction. Some people with Parkinson's disease may notice a decrease in sexual desire. This may stem from a combination of psychological and physical factors, or it may be the result of physical factors alone.

Medications for Parkinson's disease also may cause a number of complications, including involuntary twitching or jerking movements of the arms or legs, hallucinations, sleepiness, and a drop in blood pressure when standing up.

Tests and diagnosis

No definitive tests exist for Parkinson's disease, so it can be difficult to diagnose, especially in the early stages. And parkinsonism — the symptoms of Parkinson's disease — can be caused by many other types of problems. For example, other neurological disorders, toxins, head trauma and even some medications — such as chlorpromazine (Thorazine), prochlorperazine (Compazine) or metoclopramide (Reglan) — can cause parkinsonism.

A diagnosis of Parkinson's disease is based on your medical history and a neurological examination:

·         Medical history. As part of your medical history, your doctor will want to know about any medications you take and whether you have a family history of Parkinson's.

·         Neurological exam. This examination includes an evaluation of your walking and coordination, as well as some simple hand tasks.

A diagnosis of Parkinson's is most likely if you have:

·         At least two of the three cardinal Parkinson's signs and symptoms — tremor, slowing of motion and muscle rigidity

·         Onset of symptoms on only one side of the body

·         Tremor more pronounced at rest, for example, when your hands are resting in your lap

·         Significant improvement with levodopa, a Parkinson's drug

Alternative medicine

Forms of alternative medicine that may help people with Parkinson's include:

·         Coenzyme Q10. People with Parkinson's disease tend to have low levels of coenzyme Q10, and some research has suggested it may be beneficial. However, subsequent research hasn't confirmed this benefit. You can buy coenzyme Q10 without a prescription in drugstores and natural food stores. Talk with your doctor before taking this supplement to ensure that it won't interfere with any medication you may be taking.

·         Massage. Massage therapy can reduce muscle tension and promote relaxation, which may be especially helpful to people experiencing muscle rigidity associated with Parkinson's disease. These services, however, are rarely covered by health insurance.

·         Tai chi. An ancient form of Chinese exercise, tai chi employs slow, flowing motions that help improve flexibility and balance. Several forms of tai chi are tailored for people of any age or physical condition.

·         Yoga. Yoga is another type of exercise that increases flexibility and balance. Most poses can be modified, depending on your physical abilities.

Coping and support

Living with any chronic illness can be difficult, and it's normal to feel angry, depressed or discouraged at times. Parkinson's disease presents special problems because it can cause chemical changes in your brain that make you feel anxious or depressed. And Parkinson's disease can be profoundly frustrating, as walking, talking and even eating become more difficult and time-consuming.

Although friends and family can be your best allies, the understanding of people who know what you're going through can be especially helpful. Support groups aren't for everyone, but for many people, they can be a good resource for practical information about Parkinson's disease, as well as a place to find understanding from people that are going through the same things you are.

To learn about support groups in your community, talk to your doctor, a Parkinson's disease social worker or a local public health nurse. Or contact the National Parkinson Foundation or the American Parkinson Disease Association.

For more details contact us at drkurien@effectivelivingclinic.com

How long can you last without sex?

Can this need be calmed and oppressed just by the tender gestures of your partner or do you need an entire sexual "show" to feel completely satisfied? Since most people do not ask themselves these kind of questions, there are often conflicts due to the difference between the behaviour and the sexual needs of everyone.

How long can you last without intercourse, before abstinence starts negatively influencing and affecting your overall health? How well do you know your "sexual watch"? How well can you interpret your "need" for having sex?

What are your priorities?
Sex is, undoubtedly, a necessity of the body, based on two coordinates: reproduction and the tendency to socialize, to permanently cooperate with those around us. Survival on long periods of time is based to humans' abilities to live in groups, which involves the birth of relations, more or less lasting or enjoyable. Most times, one of the options regarding celebrating or making an inter-human relationship official is the sexual act itself.

How is your body saying you need to have sex?
It might be easy to overlook your body's signals regarding the need to have sex, because many times you associate them to other problems which you probably have to deal with on a daily basis. The best way is to observe which and how many negative moods go away immediately after having sex. Keep in mind the fact that sex does not always involve two people, in other terms, consider masturbation an option.

Must-have-sex signals
- Excessive nervousness
- Long states of unjustified anxiety, migraines
- Permanent stress
- Lack of food appetite
- Lack of the need to sleep
- Contradictory feelings regarding certain persons
- Frequent sexual fantasies, especially during nighttime.

Practically, a non-existing sexual life causes a lot of reactions, more or less explicable, and in some extreme cases it can lead to severe physical and philological reactions: skin itches, irritations, anger etc. You could end up hurting the ones beside you, emotionally or even physically, because you did not "read" one of your body's cries for help.

Once you fully and completely understand your body's message: "I need sex!" it will be a lot easier for you to identify the time periods these unpleasant symptoms occur. If you manage to do this, you will also be able to prevent them. Of course, these intervals vary from person to person, and they are dependent to certain factors, such as age, sex, lifestyle, physical condition, pregnancy, menopause etc.

All in all, make sure you take some time and really analyze yourself and your body, your needs and your desires, and that way you will manage to understand the course of action you have to take so that everything returns on its' right normal "path" again.



To forgive is to heal

If forgiveness is divine, as Alexander Pope once wrote it was, then it is an aspect of the religious that we are called on to imitate, as much for our own good as for that of others. 

When we are wounded by someone's thoughtlessness, rejection or deliberate cruelty, we have two options before us: We can try to get even or pretend that we haven't been hurt. The other option is to forgive.

Newspaper Agony Aunt Abigail Van Buren of "Dear Abby" fame once asked women readers if any of them had forgiven an unfaithful husband and had since had a happy marriage. The response was overwhelming. One woman wrote: "What a grand and glorious thing it is to rise above the pain." Others admitted that it wasn't easy to forgive, but they consistently recommended "the rewards of forgiveness, the futility of harbouring a grudge" had made them do the unthinkable, that is, to forgive. 

The most popular misconception about forgiveness is that when we forgive, we forget. Most of the time, we don't forget. The woman who forgives her husband's philandering is not asked to forget his weakness, but rather not to let the negative behaviour direct their lives and stand in the way of building emotional bridges.

Try forgiving a friend who betrays your confidence, or a co-worker who lies about you. When the real effort of forgiveness takes place, it's not easy at all; instinct urges us to pay back in kind. There is usually a pause between the anguish and the time when trust and love can take root again. Forgiveness is part of a process that begins with suffering and ends, as its final and long-range goal, with the event of reconciliation. It works only when we become aware of the depths and causes of the anger burning in us so that we can forgive wholeheartedly and ensure an enduring peace. A particularly helpful exercise in the process of forgiveness is to try to understand the one who is wounding us as a person, and not just as the cause of our pain.

Forgiveness should come from within, and not be a mere show of magnanimity; it should help the forgiver in all future dealings with the person who is forgiven.

A declaration of forgiveness may appear as naive, weak, utopian - sometimes even outrageous. Indeed, those were the sentiments of many members of theDexter Avenue Baptist Church of Montgomery, Alabama, USA. The parishioners had endured harassments, threats, beatings and even house bombings. They gathered in 1955 at Dexter for guidance from their pastor, the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. His message was simple: When Jesus said, "Love your enemy, he meant every word of it. We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity."

We cannot escape from this prison of birth and death until we have cleared our karmic account; Jesus said we should ask forgiveness of those we have wronged, while we are still living in this world.

Forgiveness depends on the situation and the people involved. In the end, all forgivers do the same thing: they restore self-worth to the offender, they cancel a debt; they experience such peace that they lose the urge to retaliate, and live as freer persons, unshackled by the weight of the suffering. 

Myths about low sexual desire

There are lots of moments in life when you seem to be the only one craving for sex and your partner just doesn't seem interested enough. 

Most couples have faced this situation sometime or another in their sexual life even as the sex nosedives and vanishes for days/months and in worst case scenarios maybe even for years. Learning to recognise the symptoms behind a low sex drive helps to get out of the sticky situation. Here are the most common myths about your low sexual levels:

Myth 1: Too much stress leads to low sex drive 
Banker Rohit Khanna complained about high stress levels to his partner. "I was having a tough time with my boss in office. That affected my interest in sex, but Aradhana just wouldn't understand. We ended up fighting, with my wife accusing me that I just wasn't interested in her anymore and I was put off by the thought of indulging in sex with her. Finally, we both had to visit a counselor who helped us see the problem for what it was. It was also a time when I had begun to doubt my own sexual prowess. So yes, it was extremely traumatic."

Beat it: Psychologist Poornima Adhikari explains, "Couples often go through high and low phases in their sexual desires. It could be triggered off by anything and stress is most often one of the major reasons for a lack luster sexual life. The hectic lifestyle of today bears ugly aftermaths and thus couples must figure out ways to de-stress. They should look into common areas of interest that help them bond and find happiness together. And talking about your problems is a great way of lowering high stress levels. So communicate, take out time even if it's just 10 minutes every day to talk about things that are troubling you."

Myth 2: Women's low libido are governed by her hormones 
Shraddha Singh, a hotel executive reveals that men often believe that hormones regulate a woman's intrinsic moods and desires. "Anand, my husband always fought with me when I told him that I just didn't want to have sex today. He inevitably blamed it on my hormonal levels, saying that women were victims of their hormones. But that's such a huge misconception. Our hormones are just like our male counterparts too." She adds, "Often, a low libido is caused by eating habits, fatigue, not enough sleep and many more physiological factors. Also it's about our mental health."

Beat it: Adhikari points out that low sex drive in women often stems from how they feel about themselves and how they view their relationship with their partner. So when women complain about a low sex drive, their partners need to make them feel good about themselves. Couples need to sit together and work out how on to improve their existing relationship. The woman must be going through some kind of complex feelings that need to be detangled to take the relationship forward at a physical level. 

Myth 3: Medications help to boost low sex drive 
According to Dr Swaroop Pandit, Anshuman Hospital, a dip in sexual levels is often caused by circumstances men/women face which causes physiological and psychological changes in the body. "Often patients seek an immediate solution but it takes time to make them realise that there isn't any immediate cure. It's better if they could see it very objectively rather then losing sleep over it. It's important to realise that medications can sometimes have just the opposite effect. So, what is important is to seek out the root of the problem, whether it's physical, psychological or any other. That is half the fight done."

Beat it: Psychoanalyst Sushant Chauhan points out, "Medication should always be kept as the last option. Patients can often be cured by simply addressing their problems. And more than men, its women today who complain about their low sex drive. There are women who are traumatised by the balancing act that they have to deliver everyday by looking into both their professional and personal lives, so at times they almost give sex a miss. Women also get involved with their children once they become mothers so it takes a while to get back their normal drive. What it requires is some patience, a lot of love and time. These factors can go a long way to cure the fears and inhibitions you have."

Myth 4: Sexual drive works in isolation to our body Business analyst Deepak Sharma experienced a phase of low libido. Stricken by panic attacks and running to and fro between seeing doctors and meeting deadlines worsened the case. A chain smoker, his smoking consequently saw a heady increase. "I was totally losing control. I was embarrassed to talk about my low libido with my peers and I just didn't know what was happening to me. Some said I should visit a doctor, some said I should try out herbal medication. I was just not in a position to realise what was causing it. I began to drink steadily along with smoking, often going without meals. And all the time I was thinking how everyone saw me as this loser," confesses Sharma.

Beat it: "This is definitely a cause and effect situation. Men are known to give their sexual drive a lot of importance, so it's very natural for them to react in this manner. Men, in India are a shy lot and very rarely come out to address problems until they are pushed by their partners or family members. Firstly, be clear that it doesn't matter that you are experiencing a low libido level. However, once you face such a predicament, do not aggravate the problem by smoking and so on. It is a fact that smoking can cause impotency, but many people still do not view this as a major problem. So if you are a smoker, kick the habit. If you drink too often, start counting your drinks. Reshuffling your lifestyle, taking a holiday, pursuing interesting hobbies often leads to reinstating your drive," says Chauhan.

Myth 5: High sexual life is equivalent to a good emotional intimacy 
Quite often we are taken over by a secure emotional intensity that we share with our partner. And we take that as a guarantee for a fulfilling sex life. Like Shweta Trikha, a struggling model, reveals, "I found a lot of emotional succor from my partner, especially because of the competitiveness that pervaded my work life. He made me feel like we are best friends and nothing could be better then this. But our sexual life was losing its zing. And I didn't know how to get it back on track. Despite drawing so much security from each other, we saw that we were losing steam in bed. That was the time when I hit the alarm bell."

Beat it: Adhikari explains, "Couples often experience moments when everything is going right for them emotionally, except that they are unable to feel a sexual desire for each other. So, instead of getting overwhelmed, go easy. A way out is not to think about having sex and scoring highly in the act. Instead start by just being playful. Forget about doing anything that is normal; instead think of ways to make yourself feel sexy and desired by your beau. The best solution is to feel desired for desire to take precedence in your love life."

Myth 6: If your partner wants to have sex and you don't, then you can make up by showing love in other ways
Confesses college-goer Amit Nagpal, "I faced this problem with my girlfriend. We would often have these dry spells where we didn't touch each other for months even as my girl craved it. I would try to make up for my low sex drive by showering her with gifts, telling her how much I loved her almost all the time. But there was no satisfying her. She complained about not kissing, hugging and I just couldn't explain that I didn't feel like getting physically intimate. Finally there came a time when I decided to give her a break."

Beat it: "This is a problem that is very common, but never understood. Every couple shares a different chemistry, but it is important to touch and feel each other. Especially for married couples, because even if you try to show your love in other ways, it can't compensate for lack of physical closeness. The physical aspect is more important and can't t be replaced by any other act. So it's best to say that you are facing a problem, instead of trying to hide it by resorting to other means to display love," explains Chauhan.

Myth 7: Low libido makes you less desirable 
This is a prevalent misconception that can scar the psyche of a person permanently. Fashion designer Sonal Lal, says," I was engaged to be married, but during our courtship period, I just couldn't do get physical with my fiance. Every time he suggested sex, I refused his overtures as I was unable to feel any physical longing for him. This went on till he broke off the engagement complaining that I was cold and frigid and undesirable. The experience hurt so much that I kept away from men for a long time post my broken engagement. And whenever anyone tried to cosy up with me, I shied away being afraid of being rejected all over again."

Beat It: Explains Chauhan that no individual has the right to abuse their partner who may be facing these problems. "Yes, it happens that we might not feel attracted to the person we have planned to marry. It's important to question the basis of your relationship with your prospective partner then, rather then taking the blame on yourself. As discussed, there could be problems beyond the periphery of normal understanding. And desire stems from feeling good about yourself. First develop a positive image about yourself," adds Chauhan.

Myth 8: Sex is the only thing in a relationship 
Gautam Nirula, a sales executive says, "I was always told by my friends that a relationship is based on sex. Thus, when I got married, I concentrated on that. However what I failed to understand was that sex depends on a lot of factors. I always wanted sex and my wife kept on refusing me. And instead of understanding her predicament, I remained angry with her. This resulted in a distance between the two of us. Only when elders interfered and counselled me, I realized what was going wrong. Today; I feel that emotional compatibility, trust and faith in each other make the foundation on which great sex is built."

Beat it: Explains Adhikari, "Married couples need to go beyond sex to get it right in bed. If you harbour anger or resentment about your partner you can't enjoy a gratifying sexual life. Often it's the emotional closeness that is most required. When couples come to me I advise them not to think about their physical needs. Instead they are advised to look out for the things they like/love about each other. And develop their bond from there onwards. They need to concentrate on the positives than seeing the negatives. This helps them to get your passion back.