9 Things never to say to your child

Being a parent is difficult and so is coming off as a proud child. It's only human to give vent to your rage by using harsh words. However, when the recipient of your outrage is your own child, it might have uncertain and unmanageable repercussions.

We list 9 insensitive things that you should avoid saying to your child.

1. I was much more responsible when I was your age
Comparing your child and giving him an example of what all you were capable of when you were a kid is the first big mistake parents make. Their irritation stems from 'expectations' - expectations of bringing up the 'perfect' kid. Try and recall your shortcomings as a child and what all troubles you bothered your parents with. You are the elder one in the relationship hence you ought to know more. A statement such as this will break your child's confidence.

2. You always end up taking wrong decisions
Don't penalise your kid for being immature. Everyone is allowed to make mistakes and it is in fact a part of the learning process. He might have taken up a field of study that doesn't interest you or perhaps working with a company that you're not very proud of, but that doesn't mean you accuse him of the decisions. Your job as a parent is to guide him, not force him to obey your opinions.

3. Why can't you be more like your brother/sister?
This is once again an unreasonable comparison and a common one at that. Avoid seeding in animosity between your children by comparing their abilities. Doing so may create a fissure between the siblings. You don't want your kid to harbour negative feelings for you, hence avoid assessing your kids.

4. Leave me alone!
Adults have huge responsibilities to take care of, responsibilities that children are innocently oblivious of. And there are times when we want to be left alone too. Kids are incapable of understanding the gravity of such situations. An impatient outburst of 'Leave me alone!' can make your child feel neglected, unwanted and depressed at the same time. Show some patience and avoid saying something bad to him.

5. You should be ashamed of yourself
This statement is outright harsh and saying such an awful thing to any child is simply 'bad'. Yes, there are mischievous kids who go about pestering people with a devil-may-care attitude but that does not mean you reprimand him like this. There are better and milder ways to make the child understand the difference between good and bad.

6. You're just like your father/mother
Not all married couples are happy living together and the bitterness in their relationship often translates into exchange of unkind words against each other. Some relationships end in separation too. Either ways, kids are a witness to this mutual hostility and criticism. So when you shower your partner's animosity on your kid, that's when he begins to lose respect.

7. You always find ways to hurt me
There are times when children hurt their parents' sentiments by going against their wishes. Most times it is unintentional but there are kids who do so on purpose. However, saying something like the above statement would make your child feel guilty about his/her decision. He might comply with your demands to make you happy but you'd be taking away his right to happiness in the long run. Let your children take their own decisions and let them live a guilt-free life.

8. It's better to be childless than have a kid like you
The above statement is mostly an extreme emotional outburst but can have grave consequences on the kid. Unquestionably, it is the most hurtful thing you can ever say to your child. No matter what the crisis is, saying something like this could make you regret for life.

9. Get rid of the bad company of your friends
We (read adults) don't think before making friends. Neither do children. The only difference is that we know how to stay away from bad company and children don't. Their friends mean the world to them and therefore you cannot just order them to get a new set of 'good' friends.

Dealing with a troubled teen?

Teenage years are one of the most difficult phases of life. That is because one experiences too many things at the same time. For e.g., going through puberty, academic responsibility, personality development, peer pressure, dealing with heartache and entangled romantic relationships, and for some coming in terms with one's sexuality, etc.

Also, this phase of transition is often accompanied by the use of alcohol, smoking, drugs, sexual promiscuity out of the many more. Under this scenario, its not surprising if teenagers get prone to depression, anxiety, loneliness, etc. Therefore, it is the parent's responsibility to keep a check on how their children are doing, and to be their support in these difficult and delicate phase of their lives. Here are some pointers, to help to spot your children:

1. Tell and show teenage child that you trust in him or her. Assure them that you love them. This goes a long way in building and strengthening your relationship with your child.

2. Listen to your child's ideas, views and opinions. Also, see how they look at things, it is not necessary that you have to agree with their point of view all the time.

3. You need to let your children know what you expect from them. You need to set certain boundaries and let them know that you will not tolerate certain wrongdoing of theirs.

4. You need to be an alert parent. Watch out the change of moods that your child experiences. For eg., anger, sadness, aggression, etc. Also, see if your child has lost interest in his/her favourite activities. Notice of how often your child cries. Make a note if your child has spoken about hopelessness, suicide or death. And keep a check on how his/her academic performance of late has been?

5. Communicate with them in case you see any of these problems. Make them feel that they can talk to you instead of being scared what you would think of them or what you would feel. Don't be a strict parent, instead be like a friend and help them out.

Top 5 nutrients for your child

You may be having a tough exercise day running after your kids while asking them to eat what you want them to eat. And they will take the maximum advantage of your helplessness. They will laugh; they will hide at the remotest corners and will even shout and cry out loud. Guardians, neighbors and well-wishers will give you various opinions on the ways to control your child on food issues, but they will be mentioning about some common nutrients like calcium, fiber, potassium, vitamin D and vitamin E. These are the top 5 nutrients which a child will need during his growth phase:

1. Calcium

Calcium helps in the growth process. It makes bones strong. It also helps with heart rhythm, blood clotting and muscle function. When the kid consumes less calcium, the body draws calcium from the bones in order to fulfill its other functions in the body. A person, especially in the pre-teen years, is a lot less likely to develop problems like osteoporosis. You need to keep a tight eye on the caffeine intake of your kid since too much caffeine leads to calcium resorption from the bones. Some caffeine containing beverages are tea, coffee, cola and aerated drinks.

Sources: Milk and milk products like cheese, paneer (cottage cheese), green leafy vegetables, small fishes that can be eaten with bones, ragi and sesame.

2. Fiber

High-fiber foods are packed with vitamins and minerals to fuel growth and development. They also contain beneficial plant compounds called phytonutrients that boost a child's immunity. When part of a balanced diet, fiber helps head off type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol in adults and may work for kids too. Diets rich in fiber-filled foods may cut the risk of heart disease later in life. Fiber helps curb constipation by adding bulk to bowel movements stimulating the gut to pass waste with greater ease. Fiber also helps kids feel fuller. The market is now full of processed and fattening "convenient" foods. Chips and fries happen to be an all time favorite for all kids. Their attractions towards these foods take them away from the fiber -fruits and vegetables.

Sources: Fruits, vegetables, sprouts, whole grains and cereals and green leafy vegetables. Opt for whole wheat breads, noodles and pasta. This will ensure your child takes fiber in his favorite form.

3. Potassium

Potassium insures normal heart and muscle function, maintains fluid balance, participates in energy production and promotes strong bones. A potassium-rich diet helps head off high blood pressure in adults. Getting children in the habit of eating high-potassium foods may help them keep blood pressure in check as they age too.

Sources: Fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, dairy foods, meats and seafood. In general, the more processed the food, the less potassium it provides and the more sodium in a food, the lower will be the potassium content.

4. Vitamin D

A shortfall of vitamin D has been linked to adult conditions including osteoporosis, breast cancer, colon cancer, prostate cancer, heart disease, and depression. The role of Vitamin D in these conditions is still under research. Vitamin D is needed to absorb calcium and maximize bone growth and strength. Kids who get too little vitamin D can develop soft bones, a condition called rickets, early in life, and osteoporosis, which typically shows up later in life.

Sources: The body makes vitamin D when exposed to strong sunlight, storing extra for future use. Common foods rich in vitamin D include most milk and other fortified foods such as some brands of breakfast cereals, orange juice and yogurt. Other foods rich in vitamin D include fatty fish such as salmon and light tuna.

5. Vitamin E

It is important for strong immune system. It's a powerful antioxidant, meaning that it fights harmful by-products of everything from air pollution and cigarette smoke to ultraviolet rays and even your own natural metabolism. That makes it vital for building and maintaining a strong immune system.

Sources: Sunflower and safflower oils (especially in light salad dressings). Sunflower seeds are great snacks. Give your kids cereals fortified with Vitamin E. Wheat germ, nuts and nut butters are good, but peanut butter is not a good option since peanuts aren't true nuts at all.

You may get a bit pissed off in your attempt to convince your kids to eat healthy. Set examples. Take healthy foods in front of them and your kids will start following you. And remember, patience is the other name for parenthood and it really pays.

Let your kids play freely: Experts

Overprotective parents who do not allow their children to play freely could be doing more harm than good to them, experts have warned.

Parents who restrict unstructured play can increase the risk of depression in their children, who may even develop suicidal tendencies.

Such parents - branded "hovering helicopters" by researchers - prevent their children from playing outside, where they might build dens, climb trees or explore the countryside, Daily Express reported.

The American Journal of Play asked a group of experts to investigate the near-extinction of free play and its effects on children and society.

They said that without free outdoor play, children are prone to obesity, poor physical health and are unable to develop social skills.

Peter Gray, professor of psychology at Boston College, said: "Over the last 50 years opportunities for children to play freely have declined dramatically in the United States and other developed nations.

"That decline continues, with serious negative consequences for children's physical, mental, and social development."

While calling for restoration of free play, Gray says there is a clear correlation between its decline and the rise of depression, suicide and narcissism among children.

He also recommends mixed-age play, stating it is also beneficial.

Older children were able to teach younger ones new skills, while also learning themselves, he says.

 

10 Tips for Raising Children of Character

It is one of those essential facts of life that raising good children-children of character-demands time and attention. While having children may be doing what comes naturally, being a good parent is much more complicated. Here are ten tips to help your children build sturday characters: 1. Put parenting first. This is hard to do in a world with so many competing demands. Good parents consciously plan and devote time to parenting. They make developing their children’s character their top priority. 2. Review how you spend the hours and days of your week. Think about the amount of time your children spend with you. Plan how you can weave your children into your social life and knit yourself into their lives.

3. Be a good example. Face it: human beings learn primarily through modeling. In fact, you can’t avoid being an example to your children, whether good or bad. Being a good example, then, is probably your most important job.

4. Develop an ear and an eye for what your children are absorbing. Children are like sponges. Much of what they take in has to do with moral values and character. Books, songs, TV, the Internet, and films are continually delivering messages—moral and immoral—to our children. As parents we must control the flow of ideas and images that are influencing our children.

5. Use the language of character. Children cannot develop a moral compass unless people around them use the clear, sharp language of right and wrong.

6. Punish with a loving heart. Today, punishment has a bad reputation. The results are guilt-ridden parents and self-indulgent, out-of-control children. Children need limits. They will ignore these limits on occasion. Reasonable punishment is one of the ways human beings have always learned. Children must understand what punishment is for and know that its source is parental love.

7. Learn to listen to your children. It is easy for us to tune out the talk of our children. One of the greatest things we can do for them is to take them seriously and set aside time to listen.

8. Get deeply involved in your child’s school life. School is the main event in the lives of our children. Their experience there is a mixed bag of triumphs and disappointments. How they deal with them will influence the course of their lives. Helping our children become good students is another name for helping them acquire strong character.

9. Make a big deal out of the family meal. One of the most dangerous trends in America is the dying of the family meal. The dinner table is not only a place of sustenance and family business but also a place for the teaching and passing on of our values. Manners and rules are subtly absorbed over the table. Family mealtime should communicate and sustain ideals that children will draw on throughout their lives.

10. Do not reduce character education to words alone. We gain virtue through practice. Parents should help children by promoting moral action through self-discipline, good work habits, kind and considerate behavior to others, and community service. The bottom line in character development is behavior--their behavior.

As parents, we want our children to be the architects of their own character crafting, while we accept the responsibility to be architects of the environment—physical and moral. We need to create an environment in which our children can develop habits of honesty, generosity, and a sense of justice. For most of us, the greatest opportunity we personally have to deepen our own character is through the daily blood, sweat and tears of struggling to be good parents.