Why men start losing interest in sex

Let's face it. In today's fast-paced world, priorities keep changing all the time. Stress at work, problems at home, managing relationships, all this can take a toll on the best of men. But when it starts affecting you in the bedroom, it's time you realized you have a problem.

There are several reasons why men start losing interest in sex.

Consulting psychotherapist and counsellor Dr Minnu R Bhonsle says, "The modern day man is constantly engaged in competitive strivings, aiming to achieve and sustain the good life with more material comforts and luxuries." says Dr Bhonsle.

"This ambition, inner demand and drive to have more, cause stress hormones like adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol to be released in the body continuously, building pressure on the body-mind mechanism and affecting one's sex life."

"Employers squeezing every ounce of your energy out in return for huge salaries, performance evaluations, a high pressure job environment with ruthless colleagues, crazy deadlines and targets, with the fear of being laid off constantly hovering, is a huge stressor, which takes a toll on one's sex life"

Stressors
Most men worry about whether they will be able to satisfy their partner. Such thoughts affect sexual performance. If the woman is aggressively demanding and taunting him about the lack of sex, his anxiety levels and the subsequent psychogenic impotence get aggravated.

Other stressors include loan repayments, credit card debts, subscribing to 'enjoy now pay later' schemes, explosion of consumerism and need for instant gratification.

Life brings its own set of stressors that can take a toll on one's sex life. If there is unresolved anger and resentment between a couple, if the man feels caught between family squabbles, if the health of parents or children is a matter of concern, this leaves little or no space for sexual feelings to arise.

Physical stressors like chronic illnesses, obesity, fatigue, insomnia, excessive drinking and smoking and a general lack of fitness have an adverse effect on one's sex life.

Gynaecologist Dr Suman Bijlani says, "If you're wondering what is making your man avoid physical intimacy, you need to find out what is bothering him. Stress, unrealistic expectations, monotony or even your attitude could be reasons. Are you unknowingly intimidating your partner? Do you genuinely express admiration and appreciation for him? Is your hygiene up to the mark?"

"Much as women undergo an abrupt change during menopause, some men may experience a decrease in sex drive and a general decline in energy levels in their 50s and 60s, what is known as 'andropause'," says Dr Bijlani.

Certain drugs used in the treatment of high blood pressure, epilepsy, depression, high cholesterol and others, can also be culprits. If your man shows an abrupt decrease in drive after starting a new medication, consult your doctor.

Depression can also cause loss of libido and confidence. Fertility stressors and demands of planned intercourse during the course of fertility treatment can dampen gusto, too.

Each man's sex drive may differ at different stages in life. His libido is subject to variation in response to the demands of the various events in his life, the state of his mind and your relationship. Lift off the pressure. Chill and let him relax too.

Cure
Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, Varkha Chulani says that psychosexual aspects unfortunately are rarely considered when it comes to a man's sexuality. "The importance of what a man thinks can't be emphasised enough. If a man has a nag of a wife or a pest in a partner, how can his juices flow? Instead of feeling sensuous, he's irate, dissatisfied and grumpy. Emotional well being in relationships determines to a large extent the sexual wellness.

The overall relationship needs to be examined - how does the couple relate to each other in non-sexual aspects? Is there constant strife, discord, bickering? Does the man constantly feel criticised, blamed, unappreciated. If the man is using sex as a weapon or as a tool to settle scores bring it to his notice.

"Teaching him better coping strategies and taking professional assistance may help. Keeping romance alive requires hard work. Innovating, experimenting, talking about preferences and what gets him turned on is one way. Do not have some unrealistic benchmark about how long you should last, how hard you should be or how often you should have sex. This is no competition - not with another and definitely not with you!" says Chulani.

Some dos and don'ts to cope
- Express love in non-sexual interactions. Do not pressure him.
- Communicate. Don't accuse.
- Work on yourself and the relationship. Don't feel guilty.
- Understand. Don't sympathise.
- Initiate and experiment. Don't dominate.

Generalized anxiety disorder

It's normal to feel anxious from time to time, especially if your life is stressful. However, severe, ongoing anxiety that interferes with day-to-day activities may be a sign of generalized anxiety disorder.

It's possible to develop generalized anxiety disorder as a child or as an adult. Generalized anxiety disorder has similar symptoms as panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and other types of anxiety, but they're all different conditions.

Living with generalized anxiety disorder can be a long-term challenge. In many cases, it occurs along with other anxiety or mood disorders. In most cases, generalized anxiety disorder improves with medications or psychological counseling (psychotherapy). Making lifestyle changes, learning coping skills and using relaxation techniques also can help.

Generalized anxiety disorder symptoms can vary. They can include:

·         Constant worrying or obsession about small or large concerns

·         Restlessness and feeling keyed up or on edge

·         Fatigue

·         Difficulty concentrating or your mind "going blank"

·         Irritability

·         Muscle tension or muscle aches

·         Trembling, feeling twitchy or being easily startled

·         Trouble sleeping

·         Sweating, nausea or diarrhea

·         Shortness of breath or rapid heartbeat

There may be times when your worries don't completely consume you, but you still feel anxious even when there's no apparent reason. For example, you may feel intense worry about your safety or that of your loved ones, or you may have a general sense that something bad is about to happen.

Symptoms in children and adolescents
In addition to the symptoms above, children and adolescents may have excessive worries about:

·         Performance at school or sporting events

·         Being on time (punctuality)

·         Earthquakes, nuclear war or other catastrophic events

A child with the disorder may also:

·         Feel overly anxious to fit in

·         Be a perfectionist

·         Lack confidence

·         Redo tasks because they aren't perfect the first time

·         Strive for approval

·         Require a lot of reassurance about performance

When to see a doctor
Some anxiety is normal, but see your doctor if:

·         You feel like you're worrying too much, and it's interfering with your work, relationships or other parts of your life

·         You feel depressed, have trouble with drinking or drugs, or you have other mental health concerns along with anxiety

·         You have suicidal thoughts or behaviors — seek emergency treatment immediately

Your worries are unlikely to simply go away on their own, and they may actually get worse over time. Try to seek professional help before your anxiety becomes severe — it may be easier to treat early on.

As with many mental health conditions, what causes generalized anxiety disorder isn't fully understood. It may involve naturally occurring brain chemicals (neurotransmitters), such as serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. It's likely that the condition has several causes that may include genetics, your life experiences and stress.

Some physical health conditions are associated with anxiety. Examples include:

·         Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD)

·         Heart disease

·         Hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism

·         Menopause

Things that may increase your risk of developing generalized anxiety disorder include:

·         Being female. More than twice as many women as men are diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder.

·         Childhood trauma. Children who endured abuse or trauma, including witnessing traumatic events, are at higher risk of developing generalized anxiety disorder at some point in life.

·         Illness. Having a chronic health condition or serious illness, such as cancer, can lead to constant worry about the future, your treatment and your finances.

·         Stress. A big event or a number of smaller stressful life situations may trigger excessive anxiety.

·         Personality. People with some personality types are more prone to anxiety disorders than are others. In addition, some personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder, also may be linked to generalized anxiety disorder.

·         Genetics. Generalized anxiety disorder may run in families.

·         Substance abuse. Drug or alcohol abuse can worsen generalized anxiety disorder. Caffeine and nicotine also may increase anxiety.

Generalized anxiety disorder does more than just make you worry. It can also lead to, or worsen, other mental and physical health conditions, including:

·         Depression

·         Substance abuse

·         Trouble sleeping (insomnia)

·         Digestive or bowel problems

·         Headaches

·         Teeth grinding (bruxism)

·         Substance use disorders

You may start by seeing your family doctor. However, you may need to see a psychiatrist or psychologist if you have severe anxiety or if you also have another mental health condition, such as depression. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specializes in diagnosing and treating mental health conditions. A psychologist and certain other mental health providers can diagnose mental health conditions and provide counseling (psychotherapy).

Because there's often a lot of ground to cover during an initial appointment, it's a good idea to be well prepared. Here's some information to help you get ready, and know what to expect from your doctor or mental health provider.

What you can do
To be prepared for your visit, it can be helpful to think about a few things ahead of time and write down some notes to take with you. Things to write down include:

·         A list of your symptoms. Include when they occur and whether anything seems to make them better or worse. Also note how much they affect your day-to-day activities, such as work, school or relationships.

·         What's causing you stress. Include any major life changes or stressful events you've dealt with recently. Also write down any traumatic experiences you've had in the past.

·         Any health problems you have. Include both physical conditions and mental health issues.

·         A list of all medications you're taking. Be sure to write down the doses, and include any vitamins or supplements you take.

Your time with your doctor is limited, so preparing a list of questions will help you make the most of your time together. List your questions from most important to least important in case time runs out. Some basic questions to ask your doctor include:

·         What's the most likely cause of my symptoms?

·         Are there other possible situations, psychological issues or physical health problems that could be causing or worsening my anxiety?

·         Do I need medical tests or other tests?

·         Are there any restrictions or steps I need to follow?

·         Should I see a psychiatrist, psychologist or other mental health provider?

·         Would medication help? If so, is there a generic alternative to the medicine you're prescribing?

·         Are there any brochures or other printed material that I can take home with me? What websites do you recommend visiting?

In addition to the questions that you've prepared to ask your doctor, don't hesitate to ask questions during your appointment.

Psychotherapy
Also known as talk therapy and psychological counseling, psychotherapy involves working out underlying life stresses and concerns and making behavior changes. It can be a very effective treatment for anxiety.

Cognitive behavioral therapy is one of the most common types of psychotherapy for generalized anxiety disorder. Generally a short-term treatment, cognitive behavioral therapy focuses on teaching you specific skills to identify negative thoughts and behaviors and replace them with positive ones. Even if an undesirable situation doesn't change, you can reduce stress and gain more control over your life by changing the way you respond.

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Tel: 9987223811 / 9969105310

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